Deviate | Levi Ackerman x OC

Ch. 15

As soon as the sky outside began to lighten from black into a noticeable shade of navy blue, I jumped out of bed and scrambled to begin my day. For the first time since arriving here, I actually had trouble sleeping through the night so I was more than ready to take the earliest opportunity I saw to get things started.
A warm shower seemed to help my brain power on. I stood under the water and considered the best way to get the most I could out of Hange without outright spilling the whole I'm-actually-from-a-different-universe thing – that one might get me committed. From there, I brushed my hair, pulling it into a ponytail and donned my uniform, trying to steady my breathing as the moment of truth neared. I took a few more deep breaths in my doorway before stepping out into the hall, as ready as I'd ever be to tackle this mission. I arrived at Hange's room more quickly than I ever have before in my life. My stomach was doing flips and my nerves were completely on edge, but I was ready to get this over with, both for the knowledge I was sure to gain from it and to simply put an end to this feeling. Once this hurdle was out of the way, I could actually take in this experience for all that it was.

I knocked on the door and waited for a response. I could hear some commotion from inside and then Hange's voice as they approached.
"Hellooo," they crooned their greeting, eyes lighting up and smiling when they saw it was me. "Stroid! Good morning!"
I couldn't help but laugh at their joy. "Morning, Hanj. Do you have a minute?"
"I have all the minutes you could ever need," they stood up straight, motioning for me to come in. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything is fine. I was just hoping you could maybe help me on my quest to make progress with Levi."
Hange's room was more than a little disheveled but I found their desk chair and sat down.
"Ah, okay. What can I do for ya?" They sat cross-legged across from me on their unmade bed.
I took a deep breath, still not entirely confident about how to start this conversation. I picked at my finger nails as I struggled to find the words.
Hange picked up on my obvious dilemma. "Stroid... you're starting to freak me out a little bit. Is everything really okay?"
"I'm sorry, really. I just– I'm trying to find the right words."
They looked at me with genuine concern. "I haven't seen you this conflicted since..."
My head snapped up, our eyes meeting. "Since when?"
"Since, ya know... you decided you had to leave."
Bingo. I finally found my way in.
"Oh. Okay. Well, let's start there," I picked up, trying to use that point to get the ball rolling. "I'm having something of a... let's call it a hard time with Levi and I'm trying to go as far back, get as much insight I can get on this man to figure out why."
Hange pulled their eyebrows together. I could tell they were reading further into this than I wanted them to, but I prayed they didn't question it outright. Finally, they spoke up. "Okay, let's start from the beginning then."
I folded my hands together and put them in my lap. They watched with a small smile on their face as I settled in.
"Many moons ago, on a cool evening on the 21st day of September, at exactly 8:24 pm-"
"Hange!" I couldn't help myself and laughed out loud at them. "Seriously! You know what I meant."
They were obviously amused with themselves and wrinkled their nose at me. "Fine, fine. So you want to speed right past our childhood, enlisting in the Scouts together, and get right to the dawn of the Short Stack era, huh? He joined us here while you were away... with your dad and all of that."
So my dad's journey unfortunately met the same kind of end here, too, it seemed. He got sick and progressed from bad to worse too quickly. I never would've imagined someone stepping away from their life and ranks in the Survey Corps, but my dad was all I had in terms of family. Back home I'd had to step away from school and such for some time to care for him in the end, too, though that trade off sounded much more minor in comparison.

"I think he arrived just a bit through your leave of absence," Hange continued. "What a joy he was to work with even back then. He almost exclusively kept to himself and two of his friends who joined us along with him, a sort of deal they all cut together."
"Levi's friends? I don't think I remember–"
"You wouldn't," they added, more somber now. "They, uh... We lost them on one of their earliest missions."
My heart felt like it shattered at that one. I couldn't imagine Levi close with anyone and then to have the only ones that were so cruelly ripped away; I was devastated for him, even if I was never going to be able to tell him that. "Poor guy. I couldn't imagine."
"Yeah, it was really rough. He stuck close by Erwin after that, not really venturing out to form any new connections."
"Then at some point I came back?"
"Exactly," they elaborated further. "A few months later after everything you were going through, you came back and met with Erwin about your official return. I still think it was too early, but what do I know?"
I shrugged my shoulders, crossing my legs. "Bless my dad, but he was the only thing keeping me back there. You, everyone else here – that's my family now, too."
"May he rest in peace," they bowed their head. "But you're damn right on that one, too!"
"I've gotta be honest, Hanj: nothing is really jumping out at me that I can discern as the source of our... incompatibility?"
"Incompatible?" They chuckled as if I'd cracked a joke. "Admittedly Levi wasn't thrilled at Erwin's decision to let you come back without any kind of official re-acclimation or training, but–"
"Let me come back?" There was a noticeable bit of bite in my tone now. "As if he had any authority to challenge the Commander's word? I went through training with you! And have been doing this for years now!"
"Stroid, I know this. Erwin obviously does, too. But Levi was new and maybe a little overly cautious after everything that had happened. And you've got to admit, it isn't super common for anyone to vacate their position here and return at all, much less at a later date."
I huffed to myself. "Fair enough I guess. But I still don't see what would've caused him to dislike me so much. It's making this program almost unbearable."
Hange looked skeptical now, a glimmer of what resembled curiosity in their eyes. "I've got to be honest, darling, I'm a little lost there, too. You guys had been spending quite a bit of time together in the months leading up to that initial meeting we had with Erwin. Then it was like a switch flipped as soon as an actual work-related opportunity would have you guys together all the time. You never told me what happened."
"And I don't suppose he did?"
They snickered at me. "Do you think Levi's one to bear his soul to anyone, much less me? I will admit, though, he was the reason I had to go in and shake you awake the morning of our sit down. Said it wasn't like you to be sleeping that late on a day you knew you had something to do."
I took in what they'd told me, reviewing every piece of information I'd just gotten. Hange provided a lot of snippets that helped so much make sense to me now, except of course the origin of this rift with Levi.

"Maybe that's just our dynamic," I proposed, accepting defeat at this point. The only other option was asking him directly which I'm not sure I was ever going to be ready for. "Levi isn't an overly affectionate or friendly person. Maybe this is just how things are going to be between the two of us."
"Ah, don't get carried away. That very much was not the case with you guys before. If that's what this is, it got a wildly late start. I'll have you know, the rare times I've seen him smile and even laugh once was when the two of you were spending time together."

Shit. Shit shit shit. What was I supposed to do with that?

My smile fell a bit and Hange immediately took note. "You could just ask him... It's obviously bothering you."
"I could, but where's the fun and mental gymnastics in that?"
They shook their head at me and stood up from their bed to finish getting ready for the day. "Well you should know my vote is for that option anyway!"

We ventured down to the mess hall once Hange was put together. Admittedly it was nice being around them again, although I was enjoying myself and the progress I was making with Squad Levi, too. Hange filled me in on some of the latest data they'd gathered and Moblit's most recent fits of disapproval as we made our way over to join our peers. I glanced around the room looking for one certain sullen face in the crowd without success, catching Petra's eye instead, who smiled at me from across the way and waved. I returned the gesture and noticed she was sitting together with the rest of Levi's team, but he was still nowhere to be found. Immediately upon that realization, I felt my stomach sink; he was really going to make me work for this one.

Hange must've noticed where my attention had diverted to because I promptly heard from beside me, "I don't think he's been down here."
"Yeah, I'm noticing that myself," I remarked with a sigh. I quickly ate the minimum of my meal that I could get away with and nudged them lightly with my elbow. "I should probably touch base before the rest of his squad finishes up."
They smiled at me smugly. "I think that'd be wise."
Rolling my eyes at them, I got up from my seat and cleared off my tray. Returning it to its designated spot, I hurried for the door and to face my least exciting task to date.

Like ripping off a bandaid, I forced myself to knock on Levi's office door and waited for a response. I heard his voice beckon from the other side and promptly let myself in. As usual, he was sitting at his desk, his focus on stirring a cup of tea in front of him. He didn't look up at me until I closed the gap between us, his eyes intense as they locked in on mine and the bags beneath them a little more prominent than I remembered from just a day ago.
I remained standing as I spoke to him. "Good morning, Sir."
"Good morning," his demeanor was grave and somehow even more unfriendly than normal.
He didn't seem to want to engage further, so I took it upon myself to try and drag whatever conversation I could out of him. "What's on the agenda for today?"
"Maybe a bit more close combat training before moving onto some relays at the ODM course to tighten up whatever loose ends they might have there."
"Wonderful," I said and could tell how inauthentic it sounded as soon as it came out.
The tension in the air was the most palpable it had been yet. I knew I had to say something but words were failing me; Levi didn't seem to be in too much of a rush to address it, either.
"Hey, listen. About last night–"
He raised his hand to stop me just as there was a pounding on the door. I tabled wherever I was going with that thought and welcomed his squad inside. Eager as ever to get started, they halfway greeted me and darted over to their raven-haired leader for direction on what was in store for them.