Deviate | Levi Ackerman x OC

Ch. 19

My hand immediately flew up to my forehead as I tried to process it all again. I'd given up any sort of attempted return for some time now after my previous tries were unproductive, yet here I laid without virtually any effort made. I remembered what I'd been doing again and glanced down at my arm. The noticeable and varying shades of purple wrapped around my wrist more prominently now than they'd been last night but were still rather minimal. I was running my fingers over the markings when I made a realization.

This – whatever this place is – transcends any other dream I've ever experienced. Dreams and other fantasies our subconscious conjures up are usually idyllic – they embody everything we lack or otherwise wish for from our existing lives, right? But as I laid here now, minor injury and all, I realized it was as if I'd simply hopped over into a different world or reality in the same vessel. The more I thought about it, the more these pieces seemed to fall into place.
Things didn't always go my way while I was here – case in point, my situation with Levi – unlike in other dreams where everything goes much more according to my choosing. Hell, even the difficult concepts like my dad's story and untimely end were a consistent truth here, too. Sure, the likes of nightmares and bad dreams exist, too, but this wasn't anything like those either. I couldn't quite explain it, but I felt in my gut that I was onto something.

Not entirely sure where in the flow of things I'd made my unexpected comeback, I hurried to get dressed for the day. My harnesses and jacket were still hung up where I'd left them last, which I found oddly comforting despite knowing time had undoubtedly passed since then. I washed up and situated my hair quickly as I could hear low, muffled voices coming from outside my door. I walked over and opened it only to be greeted by Petra, her hand raised in mid-knock. We both jumped at the abrupt sight of one another and then laughed a little awkwardly at the realization.
"Good morning, Attie!" She greeted happily.
"Good morning, Petra," I returned. "Sleep well?"
"Oh, yeah, for sure..." her voice trailed off a bit before coming back more convincingly. "Just a lot of feelings about today. I'm sure you–"
"Know how that goes," I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. "Totally normal."
She sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. Captain Levi tasked us with verifying and loading up our equipment first thing this morning. He told us to return to his office once we're finished to review our strategy for the expedition, but asked that you go see him first thing this morning."
It couldn't be, I thought to myself. I had been home for a fairly long while; surely all of that time didn't translate to a singular overnight here. I shook the thought from my head and smiled at her. "Of course. Thank you for letting me know, I'll head that way now."
Turning around to close my bedroom door, I was surprised to see Petra still standing there.
"Is... there anything else I can do for you?"
She had a sly grin on her face and raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you and Captain–"
I felt my eyes widen at the mere suggestion but tried to keep my expression neutral. Petra leaned her head toward me, knowing that I knew quite well what she was getting at but refused to give to her.
"Colleagues? Peers? Temporary partners?" I offered, trying my best not to trip over my suggestions.
Although she didn't press further, her teasing expression didn't cease. "Certainly. Thank you so much, Attie," she turned and walked away then, chuckling under her breath quietly, "*Temporary* partners, sure!"

I shook my head as she went on her way and started for Levi's office. I could very well be wrong, but from what I was piecing together so far, it seemed that this morning was our mission outside the walls, the first with his new squad. This could only mean that our borderline heated exchange – and unexpected kiss – had just taken place last night. I gulped, trying to dismiss my nerves as I closed in unsuccessfully. I forced myself to knock on his door, feeling entirely unprepared for what I was going to do or say next once I was inside.
I was a bit taken aback when he opened the door to greet me; I'd gotten a little used to him speaking through it to summon whoever was on the other side. I felt my stomach flip seeing Levi up close, as if I was seeing him again after spending ages apart. And in a way, I guess I was. I smiled as casually as possible at him, fighting to keep my composure even with all of these feelings going on inside. "Good morning, Sir. You asked to see me?"
He didn't return the smile, but his eyes were softer than normal. His pupils, however, dilated ever so slightly at my use of a more formal title for him and he cleared his throat. "Good morning. Yes, right this way."
He gestured for me to enter and closed the door behind us. Despite locking lips with this man in this very room last night, I did my best to play it as cool as possible. I took my usual seat, crossed my legs in front of me, and placed my hands on my knee. Levi, too, made his way to seat and I swore I could feel his gaze bearing into me all the while. He sat down, folded his hands before him, and met my gaze. It felt like so much was being said although no words actually came out.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Good," I replied, trying to tone down how I really felt. I woke up this morning feeling untouchable between getting to be back here at all and recalling the events of our last interaction together. "Really good. Best I can remember in a while, actually."
Levi hummed, bringing one of his hands up to cover his mouth. I swore I almost saw him crack a smile.
"And you? How are you doing so far this morning, Captain?"
He didn't break eye contact, but the use of that title elicited a visible reaction from him again. I'd have to remember that. "Just fine."
"Hm, well that is fantastic to hear," I concluded, unsure where to go next.
"So," He finally began after a few moments, trying to act much more coy about it than he came across.
I raised an eyebrow, fighting to keep my smirk at bay. "So...?"
"It's tomorrow," he muttered quietly.
I couldn't keep my smile to myself anymore, shaking my head back at him and leaning forward. "Ah, ah, ah – I believe the full term was 'tomorrow after we get back'."
He narrowed his eyes at me, confirming that I'd been correct. "I don't see what difference it makes."
"It makes all the difference. Think of it as a reward, once everything is said and done."
He rolled his eyes, getting up from his chair and walking over to the other side of his desk. He stopped right in front of me and leaned back onto it.
"Or...," Levi continued, his demeanor a little more imploring from here, "We could just get to it now. Since we never know how things go out there."
"Ever the optimist," I wrinkled my nose at his counter argument. "Please, you're the last person I'd ever have to worry about out there. And if you think telling me you're afraid I might die before you get what you want out of me is the way to speed up the process, you'd be sorely mistaken."
He didn't find my sarcasm as amusing as I did. I stood up and extended my hand to him, unsure he'd take it but as a good faith effort anyway. Reluctantly, he accepted.
"This evening. Once everyone and everything has made it back. You and me, here, all the insight you could need," I offered earnestly. "Deal?"
While holding my hand, he pulled me even closer to him, my chest almost pressed to his had our hands not been in the way. I hadn't realized I'd given him my slightly sensitive one, so the action stung my wrist a little bit. But I didn't even pay it any mind as being in such close proximity to him effectively made me forget how to breathe and otherwise occupied the rest of my senses.
"You better be here. 8 pm."
"You've never had to worry about me before," I defended mock-sternly.
"Tch, that you know of," he practically whispered.
I almost missed that part as I was fixated on taking in his features but hearing it made my stupid heart melt a little. His expression looked like a mix of curiosity and concern, his eyes not letting go of mine. A different kind of tension seemed to exist between us ever since giving in to that last kiss and I could feel it building up again now as we once again stood so close together. I wanted almost desperately to go for it but knew I had to exhibit far more restraint. My sentiments didn't seem to be alone in that regard, however, as Levi raised his free one to the side of my neck without letting go of our existing joined hands. Just as I felt fire once again from his touch, a knock at the door put an abrupt stop to wherever else that might've been going. He withdrew and let me go what felt painfully slowly before gritting his teeth and stalked over to greet our ill-timed guests.

His squad marched in quietly and in step with one another. When Petra caught my eye, she lit up and grinned before side gesturing from me to Levi. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her. They had minimal questions among them as Levi went over the information they'd be needing for the day: their new places in formation, their shifted primary objectives, etc. Oluo wore his nerves a bit more outwardly than some of the others but the air about them all was notably more focused than it had been. There was a second knock at the door as he was still speaking with them, prompting him to raise an eyebrow at me. I quickly walked over to discover who our unexpected additional company was. I hadn't even had the door open all the way when their greeting rang out.
"Stroid!!!" Hange exclaimed, crashing into me and wrapping me in a hug, almost knocking me backwards in the process.
I chuckled and reached back to close the door to offer Squad Levi some privacy before returning the embrace, honestly really happy to see them again – it had felt like forever. "Morning, Hanj!! How's it going?"
They squeezed me tight before letting me go, helping to smooth my hair where it had gotten disheveled in the process. "From here, everything looks stellar. But you know that doesn't always translate out there."
I was surprised at their more serious change in tone but obviously understood why. "It's gonna be just fine, love."
"You're absolutely right, my dear. I'd be crazy to ever doubt you!"
"Well..." I interjected, fighting back laughter.
"Fine, let's go with 'stupid' to do that instead."
"Perfect."
They were sharing some important details and figures with me about the day's plans when Levi's office door flew open so quickly, I jumped. His eyes bolted over to me upon seeing my response but when he realized I was fine, he looked back at Hange with an even-less-amused look on his face than usual.
"Well good morning to you, too, Shorty," they ribbed before shifting their attention back to the documents in their hands.
Levi dismissed his squad down to the stables to prepare their horses but lingered in the hallway with us once the others disappeared from view.
"Everything ready for today?"
"As ready as they'll ever be."
"They're fantastic," I piped up, prompting them both to look over at me. "We're fantastic. Everything is just going to be–"
"Fantastic?" Hange snorted. "What's going on with you today? I thought I was the blind and borderline overboard optimism around here."
"Borderline?" Levi chimed in now, looking less stoic and almost mildly amused.
They gave him a playful shove in response to his quip. He shook his head at them and adjusted his cravat.

The two of them began going over some final specifics of the day but my mind was wandering. Sure, today had more than its fair share of hurdles to get through – namely making it through the expedition with as little loss of life as possible, but also whatever I was going to explain to Levi once that part was said and done – but in this moment here with them, I couldn't feel anything but affection and appreciation for these two people in front of me. I knew I was facing very imminent danger here, but I felt more loving emotion in this place riddled with life-threatening Titans than I did in probably months back home. Before I could stop myself, I threw my arms around them both and brought them in for a tight embrace. Despite being caught somewhat off guard, I felt Hange quickly wrap me up and return the hug. Levi on the other hand leaned into me slightly, just enough for me to be able to feel but not enough for them to pick up on.
"What's this for?" They hummed from beside me.
"I just..." I thought of what to say next on the fly. "Love you guys, that's all."
"Forever and ever, Stroid," Hange responded reflexively. "Wait, me I understand, but Levi?!"
"Yeah, well, when you're looking death in the face–"
"Don't you ever say that," they both rebuked firmly in unison, stepping from either side to see me straight on, stern looks on their faces.
My own face fell and I looked at them with a sheepish expression. "Sorry, guys, I was just kidding. I know, I know, not very funny but ya know... gotta cope how you can."
"Those coping skills of yours, alright," Hange shook their head but grinned at me anyway. "Are you ready?"
Nodding, I reached a hand into my pant pocket and felt nothing there. I began frantically searching all of the possible compartments on my person only to come up empty handed.
"Shit. Almost," I cursed under my breath, looking back at them and Levi regrettably. "I think I forgot something inside. Can I go back and look for it really quick?"
He looked at me curiously, but went on to unlock the door anyway. I started back for his office, giving Hange apologetic eyes. "I swear, I will be right behind you!"
They sighed excessively and laughed. "Whatever you say, Stroid. You're making me look almost put together so far today, so keep that up! I'll see you down there."
I shook my head as they faded from view down the corridor.