Deviate | Levi Ackerman x OC

Ch. 40

I braced myself for his justifiable irritation; I didn't love this back and forth myself so I couldn't imagine he was much of a fan, either. I held my breath as I waited, but when nothing happened, I pulled my hands away to see Levi already intently studying my face. He didn't appear annoyed as I expected, but definitely didn't seem happy with how I was (or deliberately was not) handling this.
"Ace," he finally said plainly but firmly, "What happened?"
He didn't sound like he was going to let me ignore this for much longer. I hummed as I exhaled, diverting my gaze to my hands in front of me. "Nothing."
"Oi–"
"Okay, okay. Not nothing. Not as bad as it could've been, I imagine. It was both successful and hellish simultaneously. Sure, I got something I'm hoping is of value but... almost at a great personal cost. Almost."
Levi's eyebrows knit together and he opened his mouth, but refrained from commenting, staying quiet as I took my time. "I knew I was going to have to be a bit... forward to get this to work. I guess I just hadn't considered how far it could be taken. How far and fast it was progressing, too... I'm not sure I've ever felt so out of control of my own body in my life."

His eyes widened and then narrowed into a lethal scowl. "I'll–"
"No," I shook my head at him. "You've already done more than enough. I don't even want to know what would've happened had you not intervened when you did. It was just... a little jarring, I guess."
He begrudgingly accepted this, but it only placated him for a moment. When he spoke again, he was careful in how he chose his words. "Did... did they do anything... to you?"
The question I had been dreading. I knew I could tell Levi anything and sharing this information would probably make me feel better, but facing it out loud was rather daunting.
"Not... everything," I finally forced out. "But enough. Enough and headed to take it all, with or without my say so. Enough to make me not want to exist in this skin anymore."
He hummed quietly from beside me, waiting for me to lead the conversation further.
"I think that's why I can't let you kiss me," I expressly avoided his gaze. "I just feel... dirty now."

You would've thought I spat on him.

"Dirty?" Levi's voice was unmistakably angry, bordering on offended. I already knew that was one of his least favorite words, but it seemed especially unsavory in this context. He grabbed me by my chin and forced me to look at him, his expression grave.
I felt my eyes well up with tears again but fought to keep them at bay. Words were failing me and I think he knew that, but he was fortunately fluent in reading my nonverbal cues by now.
With his hand still holding my face, he leaned in toward me, stopping inches from my lips. "May I?"
Again, the words wouldn't come out but I confirmed with a nod of my head. Levi moved slowly, kissing me gently. I could feel my anxiety beginning to settle, choosing to focus entirely on him, here and now. My hands were beginning to run through his hair when he broke away abruptly. I knit my eyebrows together as he took a moment before resuming, pressing his lips deliberately along my jawline. He moved steadily and with slight pause in between so that I could interject if I felt the need, which I was fighting with every fiber of my being. I sucked in a sharp breath when he reached the area under my ear, which caused him to stop momentarily. I forced myself to relax as much as possible, catching his eye as he pulled back to check in. I exhaled slowly and confirmed for him to continue. It stung as he caressed the skin of my neck, unsure if this was due to the last interaction I'd had there or my aggressive scrubbing. But Levi's touch was delicate here, soothing the invisible burn.

"It's blasphemous to even have those words in the same sentence. Nothing about you could be considered dirty, by my standards or any other," he stated confidently between kisses. Despite the placement, there was no sexual undertone to his touch. Whether it was his intention or not, he was helping to reclaim my body from the memory of that nightmarish interaction. The fight-or-flight response I'd been battling previously was being calmed, slowly but surely.
"In fact," he continued, reaching my collarbone, "You're one of the few pristine things left in this world."
I managed to let out a light huff. "I don't know about tha–"
He was up and facing me again instantaneously. "I do. And it's important to me that you do, too."
I gave him a shy smile, wrinkling my nose and reaching out to cradle his face now. "Fine."
Levi rolled his eyes but pressed his lips to mine once more. I was fully grounded and could appreciate it now, breathing him in and pulling him closer. When we parted, his face softened and he had a faint smile that touched his eyes, too. We repositioned and got comfortable, settling in to put an end to this day. For the first time since our return, I felt like I could finally and truly rest, wanting to dissolve right into this momentary peace. I nestled up into him, my head resting on his shoulder. My breathing slowed and I could feel my eyelids getting heavy, his soft stroking of my hair not helping me fight my exhaustion for much longer.
"Levi," I said, surprised to hear it come out as more of a whisper, "I love you."
He didn't pause or stop his movement. "I know."
I chuckled quietly, sighing happily and welcoming the close to this chapter. Just before I went under, I felt him kiss my head once more, muttering, "And you know I love you too, Ace."