The Shadow Sholdier

Knives?

The alarm goes off.
I open my eyes and am instantly blinded.
It's very sunny outside already.
I stop the alarm and sit up.
7am.
I stand up and walk into the bathroom.
I wanted to look in the mirror but well, I destroyed it so I just go directly take a shower.
I'm glad Bucky didn't ask questions yesterday. Everything's still so new.
The people here are nice and helpful, the complete opposite of the ones by Hydra.
I get out of the shower.
My head is already full with thoughts, even when I just woke up. It's so annoying.
I wrap myself into a towel and walk to the room.
The sun shines bright, there's no cloud in the sky.
I take a top and a shorts out of the dresser and put them on. Natasha and I definitely don't share a style, but it's a little bit familiar.
I sit down, take my phone and text Steve 'cause I don't know what to do.
The files lay on the nightstand.
I hesitantly take them and open 'em.
Bucky's right, I'll find out who I am. It won't be easy, but I've done more difficult things.
I put them away and look outside.
My phone lights up and I check it.
Steve answered: „Good morning Y/N, just come to the kitchen and eat something. I gotta talk to you about what's gonna happen today."
I text him back: „Ok, I'm on my way."
I put on my shoes and go to the kitchen.

I walk in and see Natasha, Steve and Bucky sitting together, talking.
„Good morning Y/N." Natasha says as she sees me.
The others stop talking.
I look at them.
„Come, sit down and eat something. I made breakfast." she says and smiles proudly.
I walk to them.
I look at Bucky as I sit down, he smiles slightly.
„Where's the rest?" I ask.
„Not awake yet." Steve answers.
I nod and take some of the breakfast.
„Do you three always wake up so early?"
„Yep." Natasha says.
„Do you mind if I join you in the mornings?" I ask.
„No, of course not."
I nod and continue eating.
„Do you feel better?" Bucky asks.
I look at him.
„Yes, I do. It's just the scratches and bruises that remain, but that's not a big deal."
„I already told Tony that you need a new mirror in the bathroom." Steve says.
„Thanks. That was just dumb to punch the mirror." I say and look at the food.
„But the only way to not see me suffer." I say a little quieter.
I see Steve glancing at Bucky.
I eat.
„Are you ok?" Nat asks and all three of them look at me.
„Totallly." I answer quickly.
„Mhm."
Steve clears his throat.
„So, Sharon will visit us today." he says.
I look at him.
„She'll come in the afternoon, she can't before 4pm."
„What do we do in between that time? I mean, there are no missions or something." Natasha says.
„What about another training day?" Steve asks.
I look at Bucky.
„I'm fine with that." Nat responses.
He notices it and smirks.
„Great, I'll tell the others when they're awake." Steve says.
I finish eating and listen to them talking.

After a while Wanda came to the kitchen.
„Good morning beautiful." Natasha says.
She responds nothing and silently sits down next to me and eats.
„You don't look well, are you alright?" Steve asks.
He's right, she looks sick.
„I didn't sleep well." Wanda says.
„Ok, I guess not all of us will train today." he says.
They're all so caring, I'm not used to it.
„Do even all come today?" Nat asks.
„Now that you mention it, I don't think so."
„So then only we four will train?" Bucky asks.
„I guess so."
„And when do we start?" I ask.
„After lunch, 1pm. I don't think you'll cook today, Wanda, so we'll just order something. It won't be expensive, there are only five of us." Steve answers.
I nod.
We continue talking about the training we'll do and decided to chill in the forenoon.

Wanda finished eating and stood up.
I take the plates to the dishwasher and put them in.
The others go and sit on the couch.
Steve comes to me.
„Y/N." he says.
I turn around and look at him.
„Hm?"
„What did you mean before, when you said that punching the mirror would be ‚The only way to not see yourself suffer'?"
I draw my eyebrows together.
„You saw me sitting there with blurry eyes and bloody hands. I am not well and you know that. I ususally don't open up to people I met a day ago, but I get the feeling that you're helping me. I'm still sarcastic and mean, but sometimes that mask slips and I break down. I hate seeing myself suffering and failing." I answer without hesitation and straight to his face.
He looks at me.
„I-."
„That's what I thought."
I walk past him.
„You've read the files?" he asks.
I stop.
The others luckily don't notice our conversation.
I turn around.
„Yes. Yes, I've read them."
„Do you now know what we lost and missed?" he asks calmly.
I look at him.
„We lost one of the best, if not even the best and youngest of our agents. We thought you were dead. Gone forever." he says and walks up to me. „And now you are back. I couldn't be more happier, like everyone else here is too."
I stare at him.
„My little sister is back, Natasha's best friend and comrades-in-arms, Sharons cousin and partner. She's back and is even better than before, I mean you got superpowers and are a super soldier."
I don't know what to say, I just stay there in silent.
He hugs me.
„You're not failing at anything, trust me when I say that."
I hug him back and smile.
I feel a relief.
He lets go of me.
„Let's go to the others, sha'll we?"
I nod.

We walk to the others and join them on the couch.
„Is Tony coming today?" Natasha asks.
„I don't think so, he's with Pepper." Steve answers. „Why?"
„Oh I just got a question for him, nothing important. I'll call him later." Nat says.
They continue talking.
I just sit with them and listen to what they're talking about.
Bucky too.
He's sitting across from me.
I look around the room.
It's so bright.
The windows are so big that you can see the whole city just from the couch.
I look outside and zoom out.
I don't get anything from what they're talking about. My eyes are fixed on the city, I don't even blink.
This lasts more than 2 minutes, noone notices.
„Y/N?"
Steve snips in front of my face.
„Huh?"
I blink.
„I asked you a question." he says.
I look at them.
„Could you repeat it, please?" I ask.
„What weapons do you use in a fight?" he asks. „I need to know it, so Tony could manage you some armour. And also Natasha likes to know, right Nat?"
He smiles.
She rolls her eyes.
„Two knives, a pistol, some stun guns and a foldable stick." I answer.
„Knives?" Natasha asks.
„Yes, they're pretty handy."
Bucky looks at me.
She shrugs.
„Noted." Steve says and types it in his phone. „I'll tell him later."
I nod.

We continued talking about different compat styles. A hour pasts and we decided to mind our own business until we'll eat.
Everyone stands up, except for Steve and me. Wanda goes to the kitchen again and Nat and Bucky walk off.
„If I get the weapons back, that I have laid down when I broke in the S.H.I.E.L.D. main quarters, Tony won't need to get me new ones." I say.
Steve looks at me.
„I don't know what happend to them but I'll contact Fury. If I don't get them, you'll have to use new ones." he explains.
„Just try to get my old ones back." I say and stand up. „Thanks in advance."
I walk off, Wanda leaves with me and we go to the lifts.

„So you were a project?" she asks as we get in.
I look at her.
„Yes, I was. Basically the same as the Winter Soldier, like James was, only trained more and stricter."
„I'm sorry. I saw you everyday, morning and evening, walking past Pietro and me."
„Pietro? You mean your brother?"
She nods.
„I'm sorry for your loss, he looked very nice, always smirking."
„He didn't deserve it, but he saved Clints and a boy's life, so.."
I look at her.
„I'm sure he's proud of you being a Avenger."
She smiles softly.
The lift's doors open and we walk out.
„Rest, you really didn't look great this morning." I say.
„I will."
We walk to our rooms.
I open the door and go in, close the door behind me and take my earphones.
I put them in my ears and start playing a playlist made by Natasha.