The Shadow Sholdier

You've matured so well

15 minutes pass and I still sit here.
It's slowly getting cold.
I stand up and walk in, looking at the time.
9.13pm.
I sigh.
Time moves so fast.
I walk to the lifts and go up to my room.
Meanwhile I got a message from Natasha:
„I guess Sharon left, do you wanna talk?"
The doors open and I walk out to my room.
I look at hers before I enter mine.
I text back:
„Can I come to your room?"
I close the door behind me and throw my phone on the bed.
I put on something more comfortable, brush my hair and sit on the bed.
I look outside of the window.
The stars shine not as bright as the moon but sadly I can't see it.
I take the files, that still lied on the nightstand, and open them.
It feels different now to look through it than before, because now I have actually met Sharon. I met the woman that was on my side for my whole life, the woman that helped me, trained with me and also kind of raised me. Sharon Carter, she is a great woman.
I hope we see again soon.
I put the files away and take my phone.
Natasha has texted me: „Of course, come over."
„Omw." I text back and stand up.
I walk to the door, shut off the lights, take off the earphones and go out of the room.

I walk to hers and enter after I knocked.
She sits on the bed with a band shirt and a  pyjama on.
„Haven't seen you like that." I say.
„Not many people have." she replies. „Come here and sit down."
She points next to her on the bed.
I walk to the bed and sit down next to her.
„Nice clothes." she says.
„These were yours, weren't they?" I ask.
„Obviously."
I smile.
„They're comfortable." I say.
„That's the most important part." she responds.
„You're right."
She looks at me.
„What?" I ask.
„You seem happy but also so tired." she answers.
„Well it was a long day."
„It was indeed."
I sigh.
„There's something going on up there." she says and points at my head. „What is it? Is it still the thought that you're in the wrong place here?"
I nod and lower my gaze.
„Look at me." she says.
I glance at her.
„You're not in the wrong place. Here you are save. Nobody's gonna hurt you, well expect for the training but you get the point. You are where you're supposed to be. It doesn't matter if you remember us six, the Avengers have grown. We're many more people now. New people to meet, well you did meet most of them meanwhile, but you still got to see Thor, Clint, Spider-Man, Doctor Strange and more. You are very welcomed here, because we've missed you. I no-, we thought you were dead, gone forever, but you're not and I'm glad you somehow came back to us."
Some tears run down my cheeks.
„You are back here with your non-biological family, except for Sharon but she's no Avenger. But you are! You are a Avenger." she says and takes my hand.
„You are in the most right place to ever be, Y/N. Believe me."
I cry.
„I'm glad to be here too, alive."
I would love to tell her the truth but I can't.
I don't know how'd she react, I think more positive than negative but she'd surely don't be happy about it.
„You were so young." she says and her eyes get also glassy. „So young and innocent, no karma, nothing but you were gone. Noone knew where'd you go, noone knew if you were dead. We searched everywhere for you, but after a year we gave up. We thought you were dead. But as it turned out, you're not. And now you have superpowers too."
I hug her.
„It's ok." I whisper. „I'm back now."
„I'm so happy to hold you in my arms, little one."
I smile slightly.
„Me too, Natasha, me too."
She slowly lets go of me.
„Are you feeling better now?" I ask.
„Yes, definitely." she answers and wipes away the tears. „I usually don't cry infront of people, but you are and some others are a exception."
„Showing emotions is a normal thing to do for humans." I say. „Cry if you feel like it."
She looks at me.
„You've grown up so much."
„You're the second one to tell me that today." I say.
„Is it a bad or a good thing?"
„I dunno, I cant remember."
„It's a good thing for you, because now you're a adult, you have matured very well, but I hate that I couldn't witness this process."
She wouldn't want to witness the process how I grown up and matured, she definitely wouldn't.
„Time moves fast." I say.
„Too fast sometimes." she adds.
I look at her.
„Little one." she says, smirking and ruffeling my hair.
I laugh briefly.
She looks at her phone.
„It's getting pretty late. You should probably go to sleep, me too."
I nod and sit on the edge of her bed.
„Thank you.. for the talk. It was really nice and comforting." I say and look at her over my shoulder.
„You're welcome, you know I'm always here for you." she responds.
„I know." I say and stand up.
„I'll see you tomorrow, sleep well." she says.
„You too." I say and walk to the door.
I look at her one last time smiling, before opening the door and leaving.
I stand on the hallway.
The floor is cold without shoes on and it's so quiet.
I bet the whole tower is sleeping except for Natasha and me.

I walk to my room and enter.
I turn on the light at the nightstand, put my smartphone on it and lay down.
I look at the ceiling.
Why was Bucky's heart raising so much?
Did he flirt with me?
Oh god, please no.
He looks nice but I'm incapable of love, I even fail at loving and accepting myself.
And why do they care so much about me talking russian?
„Ughh."
I rub my eyes, turn off the light and turn to the windows.
It looks beautiful outside.
I sigh.
There are so many thoughts in my head.
So many unimportant ones but also so many that are important.
It's too late to think.
I should sleep.
But what about Natasha?
She cried because of me, I mean a lot to her.
Stop thinking!
I close my eyes and try to quiet the thoughts.
After some time it actually worked and I fell asleep.