tipsy (ymir x reader)

54. barolo

"Should we go back?" I fought against a frown I could feel forming. "We've been out all day, I'm sure your crew misses you."

i know that this isn't fair to anyone

"Already? Alright, if you say so." Ymir stood up, grabbing my hand in hers.

it's wrong to be upset with ymir and historia for being close

i'd lie and say that i'm not jealous but-

at the end of the day, that's what it is right? jealousy

The two of us fell into a comfortable silence as we made our way home.

right- jealousy

an ugly feeling that seemed to fester inside, burrowing deeper and deeper into my chest until it had lodged itself somewhere too far from my reach.

hopefully deep enough that ymir never has to see it

i hope that i never act on this feeling

historia and ymir don't deserve that

neither of them have done anything wrong- i'm sure in any other circumstance i would be fine with this

part of me wants to trap ymir- convince her to stay with me at all costs

it's not fair though- she's letting me go

i have to be generous enough to do the same

i won't fool myself with the idea that our relationship will ever continue in the same capacity as now

but maybe-

"Ymir," I stopped in my tracks, not far from where the ship was docked. "Do you think that-" my voice caught in my throat as the wind carried the sound of laughter from aboard.

oh

"What was that?" Ymir tore her gaze away from where she had been looking, fondly over at Historia and her crew.

"It was nothing- let's go back."

"Alright, whatever you say," she frowned a little, giving me a weird look.

i'm not interested in ever tethering her to a harbor

not when she looks so fondly at the life she's built for herself

and i'm not going to put my plans on hold for her

the world is cruel

and we are uncompromising

"You seem tired," Ymir frowned slightly, her eyes full of concern. "Why don't you go on ahead? Take a nap, I'll wake you up when it's time to eat."

ok then-

"I'll talk to you later then," I waved her off, rushing past the crew and into the room.

i know it's over something stupid but i really don't want to talk to anyone right now

perhaps the strength of this awful feeling means something

but i don't want to think about that- this has to be something i can get over- it has to be

I crawled back into Ymir's comfortable bed- the boat was rocking in a way that in any other situation would've sent me straight to sleep.

i wish levi and erwin were here to tell me that i'm stupid

i know i am

i know it

"You make things too complicated Y/N," I grumbled to myself.

the last thing i should be hung up on is onesided relationship struggles

if everyone else is ok with it then you need to learn how

what i need to be thinking about is establishing myself back home

i'll have to write letters to erwin and levi

maybe they can set something up for me

it'll be much easier that way

i'll have some kind of foundation to come back to

i don't want to keep relying on ymir for everything

i want to do something for her- but even that is a selfish desire

at the end of the day its all for me

everything that has happened has been because of me

the worst thing about me is that i don't regret it

the only thing i regret is letting my emotions get ahead of me

I pulled myself out of bed, shuffling into Ymir's office to find a sheet of paper.

i need to be productive

Levi and Erwin, I wonder how they're doing?

i'll have to ask them to use my funds to buy a small storefront

the rest of the work i should probably do myself

we need to find craftsmen

a tailor, a jeweler- what else?

i worry that i might limit ymir's business with my own biases

i'll ask levi and erwin their opinions

ideally, i should avoid stepping on their toes

"What are you working on?" The door swung open and Armin stepped in, "I thought the captain told you to take a nap."

"What can I say? I like disobeying orders."

"You're writing a letter?" Armin pulled up a chair, setting a glass of water down in front of me, "this is for you."

"I'm trying to figure out some technical things-" I paused, "I want to cut the middleman out of your operation."

"Hmm, that could be helpful," Armin muttered. "You should start by looking at the records of our transactions, that could help narrow down the kind of craftsmen you need."

ARMIN YOU GENIUS

"Do you know where she keeps those?" I shot up from my seat, looking around the room. "I remember looking at a couple of them but- I'm not sure where she put them after I finished."

"They should be somewhere around here- why don't you finish your letter while I look?" Armin began walking around the office.

alright

"I was a little worried when you ran past all of us like that," he chuckled, eyeing me from the side.

oh

"Don't worry about me, I was just feeling tired."

a half-truth

"Good, Historia was worried that Ymir had done something to you, she chewed her out a bit."

historia is too nice to me

"Ymir didn't do anything, I'm just overthinking."

"Oh, do you want to talk about it-" Armin continued to flip through binders of paperwork, "found it!"

good- i'm too embarrassed to talk about it

"Let's get to work."

___________________

miao miao miao miao

- ami