Stones Diary: Built for Pressura' 2

Chapter 53.) It's Okay to Cry

It's been three days since Lucky's breakdown and Ava wasn't sure if he'd have another one. She sought Elise for advice but Lucky refused to talk. Part of Ava wanted to dig deep and jump head-first into the heavy conversation but did not want to overstep in any way.

"Hey..." Ava greeted Lucky when he entered her studio.

"Hey..." he tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned against the door. "Where's lil mama?"

"Kai took her out for ice cream with Kelly... should be back in two hours."

Nodding, Lucky began walking around the room.

Glancing up from her sketch every few seconds, Ava placed her pencil down and followed Lucky with her gaze as he messed with the mannequin.

"I thought... I believed dat once I took Frank out of tha' equation my problems would magically disappear," he spoke softly as he stopped near the window. "I'm stuck between trying to rid tha' wicked shit I done and trying to be a husband and father. On one hand... when I think about how Zora may think of me when she's older, all I can picture is her thinking dat I was some serial killer... it's fucked up to say or even think."

Part of Ava wanted to reply but she thought against it.

Lucky cleared his throat and leaned against the table. "I am so tired of trying to rid myself from feeling like a victim of my past but it's what shaped me into what I used to be. I keep telling myself dat everything is all fine now. I keep telling myself dat everything dat I have done was for a reason. I keep..." he closed his eyes and balled his lips. "I feel stuck between two worlds when all I want to do is be a husband and tha' best damn father dat I can be but my fuckin' guilt is... it's gnawing at me."

His silence tempted Ava to reply but it was seeming as if Lucky was trying to process his thoughts or find the right things to say.

"I have gone through so many files in my mind trying to pick and pick and decide which parts of me to get rid of and what parts to give to you. I am trying to love you as best as I can but my fuckin' thoughts... they throw me off. Every little thing reminds me of all tha' wrong I've done and I can't keep pretending like it's all good 'cause I'm fuckin' tired."

As he broke down, Ava made her way over and embraced him. There was such much pain that he's been trying to keep buried and Ava understood how overwhelming that could be. A man trying to do so right but always distracted by his faults was bound to explode. She just hoped that the burden wouldn't have its hold on him much longer.

Meanwhile, King and Renae intended to have a brunch date but plans had to be canceled when Ava called King. Taking care of her home was Ava's top priority but Lucky's rambling scared her. Being that they were already out, King had no issues making a detour. They arrived within minutes after the phone call and the intense silence spoke volumes.

"Are the pups here?" Renae asked Ava as she joined her in the living room while King headed outside.

"I put them upstairs..." Ava mumbled, glancing toward the backdoor, "I've never seen him like dis before."

"What happened?"

"I don't know how to explain it..." she took a deep breath, "Our therapist told me to just give him space... I don't think I should."

"I think Luck may be feeling a surge of emotions that's he incapable of handling..."

"I don't get it," Ava sighed, "everything was fine and then tha' conversation got a little deep and it's been a hectic rollercoaster ride ever since."

Before Renae could reply, King stuck his head inside and motioned for her to come over.

Confused, Renae stared at Ava for a while before standing, "what's wrong?"