Depressed Peter parker

Sixteen

"so what's the plan?" I asked as we were watching Brooklyn nine nine in the living room

"we hide and protect you friends and I could beat that flash guy up" Bucky said who was eating popcorn again I mean he could easily do that he even could kill him i know that but I don't want him to get in prison either

"but that's illegal" I said

"he killed Ned I'm pretty sure that's illegal too" mj said  I mean she was right wait why isn't he in prison he killed a fucking person I bet his dad  saved him from going there

"so why isn't he in prison?" I asked

"because his dad is a lawyer" mj said

"well my dad is iron man and my uncle is  bucky  barnes" I said Bucky looked at me with wide eyes

"did you just call me your uncle?" He asked

"yeah... sorry?"

"No don't worry I'm glad you called me that" he cried and hugged me I think he is a big emtional some times

"so we go there and talk to his dad" Dad said 

"It only will get things worse for us" I said i know it will just get worse and worse until all are dead and only i'm left alone again. And maybe he will kill me too but I don't care if he kills me if he lets my family and friends live 

"I will talk to him no discussion" dad said and left the room

I was in my room with Harry and mj playing monopoly mj is winning, Harry is still in prison and I lost a lot of money when dad came in

"what you guys doing?" He asked

"monopoly" I said

"Okay could you all pause playing and listen to me" he said we all looked up at him with confused looks

"it's about flash" he said and my mood drops from happy to afraid

"what-what did he said?" I asked dad sat down on my desk chair

"well he said he talk to flash  about the beating you up but there is no way he get in prison he don't believe his son would kill a person" he sighed I ran out of the room I can't believe he win's and won't go to prison there will not be justice for Ned ever and if flash father talk to him I knew I would be in big trouble and danger around me

I was at a pharmacy I went inside and looked at the razors blades I could buy them I thought maybe then i feel better but then they all would be mad at me the voice is my head got louder

Buy them
You know it feels good
You derserve it
They in danger because of you stupidity
Go on do it!

I buyed them and I toke the blades out and hide them in my pockets then I went back home

they were eating dinner

"hey Peter you want some?" Bucky pointed of the pizza in front of him

"no i already ate outside" I lied

dad looked at me concerned "Pete I didn't see you eat in like 3 days" he said

"uh but I eat"I lied again

"come on Pete just one piece" dad said

what should I do now? I can't lie to them 3 times in a row maybe if I just take a bite it won't be that bad I forced me to believe that

"fine" I said and went to harry and bite one piece of his pizza and swallowed it

"happy?" I asked

dad nodded when happy came in

"what do you want?"

"We weren't talking about you" dad said to him and happys mouth left an "oh" then he left

"I'm tired I go to sleep now" I said and went upstairs to my room lucky harry is still downstairs

I went to then bathroom and locked the door I hold one of the blades out and looked at it the regret of eating arrived. I wanted to throw up but they would hear it so I didn't the voice in my head got louder

You shouldn't have eat that
Look at you
Do it
You derserve it
You are the reason your best friend Ned is dead
It's your fault your aunt may is dead
All of it it's just yours fucking fault

I rolled my sleeve up and cut my wrist  open it will get scars but I don't care because for a short moment I forgot everything including the pain I feel everyday. And the regret I feel everytime I eat. The blood started dripping down the floor I toke tissues  and made the floor clean again then I put two tissues on the wound and rolled my sleeve down again.

"Are you okay?" Mj asked me when I went back to them

"obviously" I laughed its a bit of a dumb question my best friend I knew science I was little is dead and don't get justice and all of them are in fucking danger because of me no I'm not fucking okay harry looked at me with concerned eyes  I sat down on the floor again

"can we just okay monopoly and not think of it for a while? I asked I don't want to think anything  for a while I just want to be with them as long as I can

"sure I let you guys alone" dad said and left the room

Mj won monopoly as she always do I think she cheats but I can't prove it harry was the entire game just in prison and I lost all my money in the end  I looked down on my sleeve there is no blood seen it's good otherwise they knew i did it again and would be mad and never talk to me again  harry looked down on his smart watch

"it's 11pm we should get some sleep" he said

"alright see you later losers" mj said and left when she says loser I know she doesn't mean it so she can call us that

"come on spidey time to go to bed" harry said wait did he just said spidey to me a nickname? But he doesn't know I'm. Spider-Man does he?

"What did you just call me?"

"Spidey?"

"Why did you call me that? Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked

"okay sit down on the bed next to me i tell you the truth" he sighed 

the truth? What does he mean? Is he just playing nice? What the hell?   I sat down on the bed next to him.

"Okay don't be mad but your dad told me your Spider-Man "

"why did you have to make that so fucking dramatic?"  I threw a pillow at him

"Because it's funny" he laughed  and threw the pillow back at me I looked up at him

"do you- do you think I'm weak? I'm Spider-Man I could just beat him up but I'm to scared of him and don't want to reveal my identity  to the whole world again"

"again?" He asked

"long story doesn't matter"

"I don't think you weak" he said

"okay" 

it toke a while until I finally feel asleep. And hadn't to worry about anything for a short time