Depressed Peter parker

Twenty three

I was happy for a Short Time I knew it won't last long it never did but it was a nice time while it lasted I decided talk to dad about it Bucky said i had to  tell him one day and today was that day

I walked into the living room where dad and Bruce we're sitting . "Dad?" I asked

"yes?"

"Can I talk to you"

"of course yes"

"I see you later tony" Bruce said and left the room I sat down next to dad

I got this I tell him flash won't hurt me he's dead he can't do anything to me

"yes I can just not physically" flash appears before my eyes I closed my eyes and breathe in out while thing about a good memory with Harry then I opened my eyes again and flash was gone again

"Pete?" Dad asked

"Uhm so I already talked to Bucky about this he said I have to tell you too some day and today I'm gonna do it" I said

"uhm okay?" He looked confused

"just listen"

"okay"

„flash did terrible things to me as you might now but what you don't know that flash and I were once in a realtionship and now where he is dead I see him I know it's not real but yeah I too hear his voice but that was before his dead too he can't leave me alone he too did some other terrible things that I haven't told you..." I said

dad looked at me his face turned angry but worried too "you and flash were toghter?"

"Yeah I try to forget about it he did some terrifiyng things to me there too"

"did he-"

I interrupted him

"like I said he did some very terrible things to me other harmless than others " I said I don't want to remember me at that

he nodded

"this bitch I hope he's smore in hell"

"yeah and when I see him I do something that Bucky taught me it helped me a lot"

"Pete you got to be honest with me what is he telling you?"

"Uh uhm just the usual stuff that no one cares about me and I'm a disappointment"

why do I tell him all that? I shouldn't tell him he thinks I'm weak now doesn't he? I'm so stupid

Flashes voices in my head began to get louder once again

Yeah you are stupid
Your weak
You shouldn't tell him
He now think you weak
Your embarrassing him
He doesn't care about you
He just pretends he do
Flash was right
You are a disappointment

"Pete listen you're Not a disappointment okay? I'm so proud of you you got better I'm proud to call you my son I care so much about you and it hurts seeing you like this I just wish I could help you and make flash go away and his voice in your head too you're so strong for holding on and telling me this I love you" he said like he really meant it and I belive him why shouldn't I? He just lied once and that was for keeping me save I trust him

"I love you too dad I wish I just could make him disappear forever but it just works for a short time" I said

"we get through this kid we all help you"

"thanks... there's something else"

"what is it?"

"Harry's my boyfriend now"

"does he threats you good? If not I will kill him"

"yeah don't worry he's nice to me"

"good I'm happy for you" he said and hugged me I hugged him back then I went back to my room

After a while flash appeard again

I tried to make him disappear but it  didn't worked this time

"You cheating on me?" Flash yelled

"we fucking broke up a long time ago idot" I shouted back

"you fucking bastard I will kill you"

"you are dead you can't kill me!"

"But I can make you kill yourself" he said

I couldn't think of a response to that he was right he could make me kill myself it wouldn't be the first time he make me do it

"pl-please just g-go aw-away" I begged him

"stop stuttering why you keep doing that? I'm dead but still you fucking scared of me it's just proves that you weak Parker " he said

I don't know why I keep stuttering at him it just happened I'm Still  terrified of him I know he's dead and can't hurt me physically anymore but he can still hurt me in other ways and the feeling won't get away soon he might be dead but my terrifiedness of him isn't yet and I hate it why am I like this? He's dead he can't hurt me anymore.

„ju-just g-go fla-flash" I begged but of course he didn't disappeard

he never stopped when I begged him to stop he never listen to me I don't know why I beg to him anymore when I know it won't help him go away it didn't helped when he was alive so why would it work when he is dead? It was stupid from me to beg but I always hoped it would help but it never did

„stop begging you know this won't help you" he said annoyed

"g-go aw-away " I cried

I don't want to be here anymore if that mean that I see him most of the time I ran to the bathroom and hoped dad,Bucky,Harry,the other avengers and happy would forgive me what I was about to do

I closed the door and hold a blade out of a razor that I could now have because i didn't self harm for a long time and I was going to ruin it

I looked at the blade in my hand as flash voice popped up in my head again

Come on
Do it
You know it feels good
You won't have to see me anymore
That's what you want right?
That i Leave you alone
So that's you change
Do it!
No one wants you here anyway

I started cutting my wrist open the blood started dripping down the floor I did the same on my other wirst I cut a bit to deep there I would finally be free no voices no hallucinations no flash anymore no guilt after eating I will finally be free from pain I started to feel dizzy

"see I said I could make kill yourself" flash laughed as I passed out I'm finally free or so I thought