Depressed Peter parker

Twenty four

I woke up in the medical bay  fuck I failed at killing myself for the second time I'm can't even kill myself right what can I do then?

Nothing
You're not free
I will hunt you forever
You can't escape me
You should now that by now

I wanted the voice to stop but it didn't it never did the voice was always there but sometimes I could ignore it but it's always there and I don't have the strength to fight the voice anymore

"Peter you awake" Bucky said

"I'm sorry uncle Bucky he just didn't go away" I cried

"don't be sorry just tell when you thinking about it again just don't do this you scared all of us"

"I'm sorry" I didn't thought about the others I'm stupid killing myself would be selfish I don't want them to be sad about me because i'm dead

"no don't Peter you don't need to be sorry" he said he left when dad came in

„I'm sorry"

"no I am sorry I didn't see how you felt I wish. I could help you that you don't see him anymore or hear his voice I wish I could make him disappear from your mind" he said

"you can't dad only I can do it I have to fight it alone no one can help me with it  other than myself" I said

"i hate to see you like this" he said

I stayed silent

"Harry want  to see you" he said

I don't want Harry to see me like this but he did see me once like this so

"okay" I said dad left and let Harry in my room

"Peter..." he sat down and hold my hand

"I'm sorry but it's all to much Harry"

"what do you mean?" He asked

"just  the hallucinations of flash and the voices of him in my head I wish it would stop"

"oh... I'm sorry I wish I could make you forget he ever existed"

"but you can't Harry it's my fight"

"but-" he pointed at my wrist "that you don't have to  fight alone we help you" he said

I mean I don't want them to worry about me

"I just need to be alone" I said

I just want to be alone for a while he nodded and left but Bruce came in and told me someone has to watch after me for 48 hours so I don't try killing myself again

"which do you want to stay here?" he asked

I thought for a while

Harry?no he has his own life and problems I don't want him to miss college because of me.

Dad? No he is to worried he too is busy I don't want to see his worried look for 48 hours straight that would remember that I made him feel like that I'm the reason he is sad

Uncle Bucky? Yeah I think Bucky he was there for me like no one else was he don't look at me worried or sad all the time he threats me normal it will be fun with him I make him like maze runner like I did it with Star Wars

„Bucky I want Bucky to be here" I said Bruce nodded and left

I messed up I'm so selfish for trying to kill myself i can't let them alone I can't leave Harry,dad,uncle Bucky,mj,Bruce and all the others alone they did so much for me and I thank them like this I don't deserve them flash was right I'm a disappointment and the back scar will always remember me at that I'm weak the scar on my arm will remember me at that too. I'm stupid I didn't think how they would feel when I'm gone but i just couldn't live anymore but I'm still alive at least I didn't see flash today. Maybe he is gone forever but I don't believe that he will come back he always does it's just a matter of time when