Depressed Peter parker

Twenty five

Triggerwarning: mention of calories ,eating disorder,throwing up

Bucky stayed with me 48 hours I made him like maze runner I even made him like the ship newtmas and what was best I didn't saw flash or heard his voice for  the 48 hours just me and Bucky having fun the only thing that was not good was the guilt after eating it still was there and I know it won't go away ever I could just ignore it like I did with all my problems but it will be stronger on some days and then I can't ignore it today was one of this days

I sat on my bed when Bucky came in with two plates in his hands „dinner time" he handed me a plate

"thanks" I said I looked on the plate there was Pizza my absolute fear food I just can't look at it as food I just look at it and see the calories and pizza had a lot of calories it had over 500 calories I couldn't eat that it just to much 

"Peter?" Bucky asked but I just stared at the food when I toke one slice the voice appeared

You're gonna eat that?
You shouldn't eat that
Your fat look at you
You shouldn't eat anything
You should starve
That's what you derserve

I put the slice immediately back the voice was right I shouldn't eat that I should starve it's what I derserve

"I'm sorry uncle Bucky" I mumbled

"Peter... do you want something else?" he asked I just shrugged my shoulders maybe if it wouldn't be Pizza I would eat it but I'm not sure „I'm gonna bring you salad" he said and left

I thank Bucky for that he just doesn't say anything about it others would say "eat" but they don't unterstand that you try but you can't something just won't let you eat they will scream at you because they mad because you don't eat but not Bucky he just threats your normal like another human being he doesn't threat you like you disorder he threats you like you as a human that's what I like about him

Bucky came again „here you go" he handed me the plate of salad but I didn't saw the salad I just saw the calories this time it were 54 calories it was much less than the pizza but something stopped me from eating it I tried to fight it so I eat one piece but the guilt immediately came I wanted to throw up i Ran to the bathroom and closed the door before Bucky could follow me

I put two fingers in my mouth until I threw up I don't know why but I feel better when I do this it's just so refreshing I know that sounds stupid but it's just that the guilt get away when i throw up  I sat down on the bathroom floor for a while I just need to be alone it was to much people for this week I just want to have my peace for a short time

I heard a knock on the door „Peter come on open up I won't be mad at you I promise" I heard uncle Bucky's voice from the other site of the door

I opened the door "please... please don't tell anyone especially not dad please uncle Bucky"

I don't want them to be mad at me

"fine but we eat together everyday and I stay with  you 30 minutes after so you can't do this anymore okay?" he asked

"okay" I nodded „can we skip dinner ...just for today please?" I asked

"okay but I see you in 5 hours for at least anything to eat" he said

I nodded and went back to my bed again I layed down and slept till it was time to eat I just was so tired from everything what happened the last few weeks I didn't slept much but now I could slept so I did and for once the guilt was away and didn't saw flash for now but it won't last long I know that.