Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

E I G H T

I was scared when suddenly someone appeared in the corner of my eye. My eyes flew to the figure who had sat down on the bench opposite me at the same time. „I hope it's okay if I sit here with you now, but you looked so alone..." He smiled and stretched out his hand to me. „Felix", he introduced himself, perplexed, I shook his hand. It was warm and the handle strong. „I am an apprentice here. And you obviously helpless." He laughed again and I also tried to hop in his humour, although I absolutely didn't feel like it.

„I just enjoy the tranquillity." I replied at some point and he nodded understandingly. „Well then, I'll give you a little company..." He smiled again, just as before, every time when he said something. Small wrinkles formed next to the corners of his mouth, which involuntarily reminded me of Lewis. However, he was the complete opposite of him. Felix had no dark teddy bear eyes, his were green and shone like emeralds. And he had no tattoos, at least not at first glance. But it might well be interesting what is hidden under his T-shirt...

Okay, stop! Just because the things with Lewis doesn't work out, you don't have to throw yourself at the next right away! I admonished myself, even though I really wanted to learn more about Felix and maybe see more about him...

„In which area are you an apprentice?" I asked the young man to tear myself away from my absurd thoughts. In the next ten minutes he told me about what he was doing, but I couldn't really listen to him. The sparkling green from his eyes captivated me as I have rarely experienced. And at that moment I wondered if what I was doing here was right. Was this the right way to forget Lewis? What I knew for sure was that it wasn't honest. I shouldn't try to relieve the pain he has caused in me with the help of other boys. And I should stop forgetting him at the bill of others. Because I couldn't do that. I could never forget him again and probably not stop loving him.

That between us is something I didn't even know existed. Sure, in movies and books you hear and read about something like that, of such strong feelings that you lose track of whether it is love or hate. The transition was fluid, and suddenly I fell in love. With him. I fell in love with the asshole version of Romeo. But honestly I'm not better. I took advantage of Max, although it was foreseeable that he would eventually develop feelings for me... So its probably clear that I am the asshole version of Julia?

„...Exactly, and that's how I ended up here. But it's really fun to work on the cars..." At some point Felix finished his speech and I hadn't heard a single word. „Um, sounds exciting..." I pressed out a smile, but he attacked me directly with questions. „And you?" He leaned forward and looked deep into my eyes. „What do you want to do in the future?" The question made me freeze. Why did he have to ask me about my future when I don't have one? Four months are manageable, not exactly enough time to dream big...

Cold sweat formed on my skin, and my stomach tightened heavily. „Uhm, well..." I stuttered, my heart made a jump. „l-I wa-want..." I started again, just to stop in the next moment. Even before I could somehow catch myself and pull myself together, nausea and dizziness came over me and I got up. „I have to..." I explained without finishing the sentence and then disappeared towards the toilets.

Like in a trance, I wavered towards the door, on the sides my perception blurred. Nothing was as it seemed anymore. The doorknob was close to me, and yet I was afraid it would disappear if I wanted to grab it...
I didn't think about it any further and dared to try to push down the latch. The door swung open and I practically plunged into the open toilet cubicles. I bent over the toilet, wanted to throw up to get rid of this nausea, but it didn't work. It just didn't want to work, no matter how much I wanted it.

„Fuck man..." I cursed quietly while I settled with my back on the thin toilet wall. What the hell should that be? Why can't I just be normal, talk to others about my future like a normal girl? Why do I have to go through such torment? What did I do, how did I deserve it?