Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

T W E N T Y E I G H T

I lay in my bed and stared into the void. Flashbacks played like a movie in front of me, I wanted to look away or turn it off, but I couldn't. Instead, I didn't do anything, just felt tears flowing over my temples incessantly, lost myself in my vivid memories.

Lewis broke my heart, again and it hurt even more than the first time. Not only that, I somehow felt responsible for it myself and was it basically too. But the fact that he just said it still hurts so infinitely. The fact that it was really so easy for him to send me away, it destroyed me from the inside. He couldn't just leave me like that. We have experienced so much together, gone through so many ups and downs, and now all this is just supposed to be over? In which world did this make sense? Didn't he realise how much I need him? Didn't he realise what he meant to me? Didn't he feel how much I love him?

I really wondered if he was actually so blind or just didn't want to see it. But even a thousand tears could not help me find an answer to this...
But why did I do that at all, think of him while he probably already has a new bitch next to him? I just wanted to forget him, stop thinking about him at least for one shitty second. Unfortunately it wasn't that easy because I still love him so damn much... And sometimes, when I lie in my bed in the evening, I wonder what he's doing right now. Whether he is also lying in bed thinking of me or if he is towing another girl somewhere. Something in me always wanted to know what he was doing, what he was doing during the time we did things together, and how he felt now.

I forgot again and again that he was the reason why I screwed up this shitty Spanish work. That he is the reason why I sneak out in the evening to get drunk somewhere. And that he is the reason why I'm feeling that way I feel now. Nevertheless, sometimes I just wish that he would be with me and that we would look forward to tomorrow together. But in the real life I am alone and hope that tomorrow will be a little more painless than yesterday's...

This is probably the disgusting truth about love. It's beautiful as long as you have it, but as soon as it doesn't work anymore, you just hope that it hurts less. You hope that the pain in the heart will get better, although you know that it will take forever to heal again. I feel like I can never heal, that it will never get better again, but only worse. It feels as if it is the memories that hurt more and more, the more you let go of the past.

The only thing that could help me in these three weeks was to displace everything. And I knew it wasn't the right way to deal with the pain. But it was the only one at the moment, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life on mourning about Lewis. I just wanted to look ahead and forget that there was so much that holds me back.

*

As soon as I had closed the door of our apartment behind me, I already regretted having accepted the invite to the party. Because actually I wasn't at all feeling like many people, loud music and funny conversations. My favourite thing I wanted to do was exactly what I've already done for the last three weeks: lying in my bed, listening to music and forgetting everything. But since my father insisted on spending the autumn holidays in Monaco and I was invited to a Halloween party on this time, that didn't work. But I could still turn around and-

I opened the door and saw Charles. When he also noticed me, he got out of the car, his smile was as wide as I haven't seen in a long time. „Wow. I think I've never seen a more diabolical angel than you." The Monegasque said while he walks around the Ferrari, his gaze glued to my pitch-black mini dress.

„But you don't look bad either..." I replied with a grin. He wore a white, half-torn shirt with blood splashes and simple black pants. „For a corpse even quite alive..." I added when I noticed the stab wound on his neck. Charles replied with a wink and then opened the passenger door of his car before he got in himself.

Along the way, we collected Max and Lando, who had definitely already drunk when we picked them up in front of the Dutchman's apartment.

In front of the club you could already hear the roaring loud music, they swell out of all joints. People romped in front of the entrance, many people to be exact. We walked past the loop, thanks to Charles' contacts we were waved through directly. Inside the building, the air was so stuffy that I would have liked to run away again, but the boys probably had other plans with me.

Before I realised it, someone grabbed my wrist and pulled me after him. We pushed our way through the many people to the bar, where I got an overview of the situation for the first time. While Charles ordered a bottle of champagne, I looked after Max and Lando. The two had just been behind us, I could have sworn that... „They certainly come back later." The Ferrari pilot declared when he noticed my unsettled face, I nodded little convinced. The chance of finding someone here is insanely small, as I estimated.

„Thank you. Put it on my list." Charles said as he took the bottle just to press it into my hand next. „Come on, let's go to the others." Again he pulled me with him, I had no chance to say anything at all.
„Livvv!" Squeaked it from some corner, through the bright colourful lights and the loud music I could not directly identify him. Only when I approached the table I recognised Pierre's face, which also showed some traces of blood. Next to him sat Yuki, the Australian Daniel Riccardo and... Max and Lando.

The Frenchman pulled me into a welcoming hug, it was firm and intimate. Suddenly I didn't regret being here anymore, completely the opposite even. I was very happy to see the boys again, I hadn't been at all aware of how much I actually missed them.

„Seems like you left your pet at home?" Daniel asked more or less laughing. I put the bottle on the table and squeezed between him and the French. Normally I would probably have found this comment funny, because Lewis is actually a stupid dog, but not in this way... And Daniel seemed to realise that, because his smile disappeared on the spot and his facial expression became more serious. I took a glass and filled it with champagne. „We broke up."
Shocked silence.
Nobody said anything for a brief moment. I felt the boys look at each other, but I didn't care. I didn't want to think about Lewis now. Not now, not today, the evening shouldn't be a failure just because of him...

„Oh..." At some point it came from Lando. „What's happ-Ouch!"
„Shut up, you idiot!" Max hissed. The Briton threw a bitter look at his friend while rubbing his upper arm offended.
„It's okay. It just didn't work..." I wrestled off a smile. Scenes from that day took place before my eyes. It still hurts me when I thought back on what he said. And it hurt even more when I realised once again that it was my own fault...