Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

E I G H T E E N

Rarely I have been so incredibly hungover at school as I was today. And then it was also Monday. It really couldn't have gotten any worse...

Apart from the fact that I almost fell asleep in math and therefore had no plan about what the exam will be next week, the day was no better even after the end of class. Quite the contrary, even. I could hardly concentrate when I tried to catch up on the tasks I had missed recently. There was this hum in my head all the time, which did not allow me to calculate these shitty functions. The pain and fatigue made it pretty impossible for me to do anything. I would rather just go to my bed and sleep through until the pain finally decreases. But I couldn't do that, my ego forced me to do this, even though I actually knew it was unnecessary. I would die in three months anyway, so why did I do that at all?

The answer was quite simple. I wanted to overcome death, trick it somehow, even though I knew it didn't work. I knew how ridiculous this thought was, ridiculous and pathetic. Nevertheless, I did. Or at least I tried.

My head became heavier and the numbers unreadable. Then I was gone, lost myself in unrealistic worlds where I no longer realised what was happening around me. The sleep had caught up with me, for a short moment I no longer managed to keep my eyes open.

And suddenly I woke up, a ringing was the reason. Confused, I looked around me. But there was no one. The ringing wasn't real, I had to have imagined it somehow. At least that's what I thought until I wanted to devote myself to my school notebooks again, and realised that my phone was buzzing. It had slipped between a few papers, which I pushed aside to answer the call.

„Lewis..." Wow, my voice sounded more sleepy than I thought it was possible. But what do I expect after a wild afterparty, a subsequent night flight and the following school day. I was done.

„Holy shit, did you sleep?" I heard the laughter in his voice and wondered if he wasn't completely tired. I got up hummingly from the desk, learning didn't make sense anyway... „I'm so through, you don't believe that at all."

I went to the bathroom, where I already knew what to expect. I hadn't managed to clean the chaos of this morning. „That's how you sound. How was your day?" I switched Lewis to speakers and put the phone next to the sink and then tried to wash away the dark circles from the mascara that somehow landed under my eye. „You really ask that?" I had to laugh tired. „My day was absolutely shitty. And what about you?" I took the brush off the shelf and after a short noise, Lewis' voice sounded in the line again. „Well, I had the debrief today and now I'm getting ready for a nice sea walk with Roscoe and Coco..." As soon as he had finished speaking, I received a request for FaceTime from him, which I of course accepted. I putted my phone on the shelf next to all my other stuff, and the beautiful view from his apartment in Monaco came to light. The sea glittered blue under the almost cloudless sky and I just wanted be with him to be able to enjoy this view together.

I sighed sadly. „Why can't I just be with you?" At that moment I was really angry, I mean, why did I have to go to school, even though I... The thought hurts every time it came back, which is why I tried to displace it as soon as possible. „We would also be happy if you were here. But I'll see you again on Thursday..." I wrestled off a reasonably beautiful smile and nodded, „I know..." It just made me sadder that even my boyfriend's smile couldn't cheer me up. He had the most beautiful one I've ever seen. „And besides, we'll see each other all weekend..." He attached, which at least gave me some comfort. „Where you're right, you're right." I smiled into my camera and could even infect Lewis. I was really looking forward to next weekend, even though I knew that I probably had to use every free minute to prepare for this stupid exam next week. On the other hand, I already knew that I would most likely not do anything about it anyway... I will certainly be busy with other things.

After a few minutes in which we talked a little more, we said goodbye. While he enjoyed the afternoon sun in Monaco, I had to deal with math and bad rain in England. Life can be really unfair...

*

Tuesday flew by. Wednesday was gone again before it even really came, and then it was Thursday. I really thought the time would pass terribly slowly until I see Lewis again, because it just feels so weird without him. He fills this emptiness in me when he is there, and he leaves a hole in my heart when he is gone. That's why I thought so, but luckily time went by relatively quickly.

I had already packed my suitcase the night before, which is why I still had some time after school to go through a few things for the exam. Math was really not my specialty, but this one was really bad. I hung so concentrated in my exercises that I didn't even realise how time passed. Only when my phone rang and Flo announced that he was right there I realise what time it was.

Faster than usual, I stuffed my school supplies into my large handbag, which I wanted to take with me on the plane as hand luggage. This was followed by my phone charger and the rest of my school stuff, which was still lying on the bed.

I got through the three-hour flight with the help of math and Spanish, despite that, I didn't really feel like it brought me anything. It's really hard for me to concentrate on the tasks, my thoughts were only with Lewis and the upcoming weekend. I was so happy to finally be able to show him where I spent the first years of my life. In addition, Stuttgart is a really beautiful city if you only know the right places...

At eight p.m. the plane had landed in Germany. The autumn wind danced through my hair, and I was so incredibly happy to be here again. In the place where I created the first memories of my life. In the city where I met my kindergarten friends. And even though I am here at least once almost every year, it is still beautiful to be here again and again. Knowing that I show Lewis also this part of my life, was dreamlike and touching at the same time. It was a little as if I were opening up even further to him, taking him with me into my world, when I am in his all the time. Because these races, life in Formula One, that's not my life. It's that of him and my father, but certainly not mine. Of course it's nice, and it's also a pleasure to get around the world. But this place here is magical, it harbours memories for me that are worth so much more to me than a trip to Miami or any other parts of the world.

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Hellooo friendsss, I hope you're doing well!!

See you xoxo