Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

E L E V E N

„Dad..." I croaked half loud, and it felt like my vocal cords were tearing apart.

„Liv?" I heard Lewis' voice again, but I ignored him. „What are you doing here?" I took a step towards my father, whose face had frightening similarities to the mask of the Scream. He started talking, at the same moment Lewis came out of the bathroom. „Everything okay, Li- " The Briton interrupted himself when he noticed my dad.

I didn't want to imagine what it had to be like for him to see us like that. Only dressed in towel, his top driver and his daughter. It had to tear away the ground under his feet...

„Dad, I-" I started, just to stop again at the same moment. I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know if I should say anything at all. Without losing a word, my father return and went down. At that moment only one thought went through my head, and it was: I have to explain it to him. I have to fix the disaster somehow!

„I'll be right there, I just have to..." I explained to Lewis without finishing the sentence, and then followed my father. I didn't care that I was just wearing a towel, honestly at that moment I didn't care about a lot.

„Dad, please let me explain it..." I begged while following the elder. In the kitchen we came to a stand. „Let me explain it to you, please." I repeated, but he didn't seem to want to know about it. „It's not what it looks like."

Suddenly he turned around. „Oh yes?!" His eyes were bulging, something dangerous burned in them, which automatically made me wave a step back. „Then tell me what it looks like!" Rarely have I experienced him so angry, and I was afraid. It was not he who scared me, but the person he was just becoming. This isn't my father, I don't know what he did to my father, but this is not him. I don't know him like that.

„Explain to me what I just saw!" His voice became louder and louder, but I couldn't get a word over my lips. I would like to yell at him back, treat him the same way as he treats me, but I couldn't.

„I love him..." I brought out quietly, my gaze was lowered. „You're doing what please?!" The words broke out as a laugh, and at that moment something broke in me. He had gone far too far, he had gone too far when he made fun of it.

„Yes, and it's your fucking fault!" I screamed without really knowing what I said. „Would you have just stayed out of my damn life, it wouldn't have come that far! If you hadn't just tried to sneak into my life with the help of him" I gestured towards the stairs, „then-„ I stopped briefly, because I didn't know what to say. „Then, then we would never have come so close!"

Silence replaced my voice. My counterpart's look was disbelieving, as if he didn't know what I was talking about... „Yes, Dad. I know it, so you don't have to pretend you're not knew anything. It's your fault. I never wanted to have anything to do with all this, and just because you really wanted me to participate in your pathetic life, just because of that, it came to this..."

„When did this start between you?" He broke the silence at some point. His voice sounded as if nothing had happened, as if nothing of what I said had reached him. „Do you remember, in Barcelona, after the afterparty..." I started, my father swallowed hard. „Then when I felt so bad and Lewis brought me home. The day after, when he suddenly showed up at the opera and when I was with my grandparents..." I paused briefly and looked at the Mercedes team boss. In his face I could see a mixture of shock and realisation.

But why does that even surprise him? He wanted Lewis to sneak into my life, and he has achieved his goal. I let him into my life even though I tried to defend myself against it by all means... „Does that wonder you?" I asked him quietly. „That's exactly what you wanted, isn't it? You wanted him to be in my life..." He said nothing, maybe he finally realised how blind he was all the time... But now in retrospect, I really wonder how he could not realise any of all this. How could he not summarise one and one?

I don't know, I really didn't understand it, but now it doesn't matter anymore. He knew it, and he had to accept it...

Completely confused, I went back to my room, where Lewis was already waiting for me. Exhausted, I dropped against his chest. With that every dam broke and I couldn't hold back the tears. The thick drops seeped into the fabric of his hoodie, which he now wore again, just like the pants.

For a while we just stood there, I was far too dissolved to say or do anything. But it was okay, because I knew I wasn't alone. Lewis was there and caught me when I fell. He held me together when I break down. And he patched my heart when it was broken. He was all I needed. He was the one I wanted to have with me for the rest of my life. Lewis was the one I would forgive again and again, even if he breaks my heart once more.

But he was also the one I wanted to see happy, and he couldn't be that with me. Sooner or later I would push him off with the truth and hurt him. It would probably be better if he never knew anything about it, if I push him away from me before the truth can destroy him, I know. But I just can't do it. I couldn't just banish him from my life, not now, I loved him too much for that. But I knew I had to at some point, and I was afraid of that moment. I was afraid of the day when we can't be together anymore because it's better for him. But I was even more afraid of losing him forever.

Before I could stop myself from doing so, these overwhelming thoughts break down on me and I lost myself in them.