Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

T H I R T Y O N E

My heart pumped. I was so excited, I felt that the fear would overwhelm me and bring me to my knees. I was already lying, so I couldn't fall down, but it still felt like I was collapsing in myself.

I lay there like a wreck, and Lewis was not by my side to help me in these moments. I missed him so much. I wish it was his hand that I would hold if I fell asleep. But it wasn't. It was my father's, it was incredibly familiar to me, but it couldn't take away my fear. The only thing that comforted me was to know that Lewis would be there when I wake up. He promised me, and I hoped so much that he would keep this promise...

Before these thoughts could catch up with me a nurse came to pick me up. She explained to me exactly what would happen now, but actually I didn't want to know exactly that. I just wanted to bring this shitty surgery behind me and hopefully did the right thing with it.

„I love you, my darling! You can do it, I'm waiting for you here." My father said goodbye to me before my bed was pushed out of the room.

„So Miss Wolff, you can now count down from ten..." The nurse explained and I followed her instructions. My eyes became weaker and weaker the smaller the number became. My vision blurred before my eyelids were finally too heavy and I was gone.

I found myself in a dark room. It seemed infinite to me, no matter in which direction I looked, I looked into nothing. The blackness swallowed up any possibility of spatial or temporal thinking. I was stuck in infinity, that's how it seemed to me, and it felt so warm and safe.

My fear had disappeared, I felt that I was not alone, that I had people waiting for me. And I knew everything was going to be fine, I felt it. My life was simply too tricky. First the death of my mother, the battered relationship with my father, the problems with Lewis and finally this. I deserved that everything finally went well...

I didn't have the slightest idea how much time had passed, but at some point it got a little colder around me again. My eyes weighed heavily, I wanted to open them, but something held me back. My whole body felt kind of weird, as if it suddenly weighed tons that I couldn't carry. My spatial thinking came back with every second in which I slowly but surely came to myself.

Blurred outlines turned into unknown forms. The bright light forced me to blink, my eyes were moist and burned a little. But I managed to open them more and more.

Someone held my hand, it was warm while mine was freezing cold. „Lewis?" I asked, my voice was a touch of nothing. I hoped so much that it was him, because he had promised me to be here... „I'm with you, Liv." He pressed my hand a little harder, I tried to smile. „I'm so glad you're here..." My tired gaze looked for his eyes, and when I found them, everything in my world was a little better. I was so relieved that he was with me and held my hand, so I knew I couldn't fall. Because he was there to hold me.

„And I'm so glad you're doing well..." He laughed lightly, my stomach contracted. This smile, this damn smile... „The doctors say that everything worked well." His smile widened. „You will get well again, Liv..." Tears glittered in his eyes, I could hardly believe it. So I'm really getting well again...

I was so happy, probably I didn't look like that, but I really did. Finally, I would be able to leave my old life behind me, escape fate and rewrite my story. It was so beautiful, so incredibly wonderful, and Lewis was by my side to go this step with me...

„I actually wanted to give them to you for Christmas..." He rummaged something out of the belly bag of his hoodie. It was a small box. „But I think you should already have them..." He opened the small box, a silver necklace appeared. The glittering butterfly pendant sparkled at me, I had to start smiling immediately. „This is..." That's all I brought out, I was far too overwhelmed. „The butterfly stands for an immortal soul, and because I think you are the strongest girl in the world, you should wear this." Lewis smiled and put the box aside before he locked and held my hand tightly with his.

From that day on, I swore to myself that I will never take off this necklace again, to wear it until the end of my life and remember that I am strong enough to do all this...

*

The night in the intensive care unit was everything else than relaxing and pleasant. My body hurts and the all-round cabling didn't really make any of it any better. Continuous getting oxygen pumped into my nose is really not so great, not to mention the hose in my arm. I was all the happier when Lewis was still by my side when I woke up in the morning.

He slept calmly with his head on my mattress, he had never let go of my hand.
I just watched him for a short while, I couldn't help but smile. He just looked so incredibly cute, I wanted to hug him and tell him how much I love him...

At that moment, I realised once again what I had gained with him. The fact that he stayed here overnight, although his bed would certainly be worlds more cosy than this chair, showed me that he really loved me. He had promised me not to leave my side, and he kept his promise..... He probably didn't even realise how much this meant to me, because for him this seemed to be a matter of course.

The next three days looked the same. My father was there at noon and Lewis came in the evening, he had to have incredible back pain from these chairs, but he didn't let noticed it in the slightest. He kept asserting that he didn't mind, but I was sure he lied. One reason for this could be the fact that the weekend is the penultimate race of the season and we won't see each other for four days. The thought hurt so much because I couldn't be there if Lewis continued to fight for the world champion title in Mexico. Instead, I lie here, in some hospital, watching the snowflakes fall. How they slowly but surely cover the landscape with a white blanket and create at the same time incredible beauty. How the last birds hatch from their nests and move south. And how everyone out there had a life, only I had to lie here. Somehow I found this unfair and annoying, on the other hand, I knew that I would get well again.

And Lewis promised me to visit any place with me when I'm healthy again. He promised me to give me everything, if I wanted to. But actually he was enough for me, he was all I needed, he was my world...

And so I spent the first December weekend alone, who would have thought that...

Lewis and I really talked on the phone a lot, if it was possible. He told me how great the fans are and how good the mood is. „But without you, everything is only half as much fun..." Grief swung in his voice, I wrested off a smile. „It's not really funny without you here either. The doctors won't even let me go for a walk or something..." Lewis laughed lightly, I could imagine it figuratively. How the small wrinkles formed under his eyes and next to the corners of his mouth, how his eyes had to shine. Oh, how much I would like to be with him...
„But at least I can sit alone." I quickly added and couldn't help myself from grinning. „That's so typical you," Lewis said. „You had a surgery on your heart a week ago and are already talking about walks..." I had to smile, because Lewis was right. If it were up to me, I would already be home and would soon start doing sports again...

We talked for a while until Lewis finally had to go to the driver briefing. After I hung up, I had this strange feeling of emptiness in me again. Hearing Lewis' voice, knowing that he is thinking of me, could fill this empty for a moment. But now that we didn't talk to each other anymore and everything around me was quiet, it didn't work anymore...

To at least occupy myself a little, I spent the rest of the Saturday reading. In the evening, a nurse came by and she was not alone. There was a huge bouquet of flowers in her hand, and when I say huge, then I mean that too. „It was just handed over for you downstairs. Your friend really has to love you if he sends you two a day." She grinned and putted the flowers to the other three before she gave me the card that was in it.

Hey Liv! Was the address, I knew directly that he didn't come from Lewis. We heard that you're in the hospital. We hope that you will be well again very soon and that we can see you again.We miss you here, get well soon! Charles, his teammate Carlos, Max, Pierre, George, the two McLaren pilots and Yuki signed the letter. I was so incredibly happy to hold this card in my hands, but I didn't care where they knew I was in the hospital... At this moment, I just wish I was with Lewis and the others.
They must have a lot of fun, the only consolation was that they at least didn't forget me and think of me.

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Question: Do you think it was the right decision to do this operation?
—> answers in the comments :)

See youu <33