Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

F O R T Y F I V E

It was a day like any other, only the story was different. <<I have an appointment with Lewis for lunch. >>
<<My father and I want to test the new restaurant in the city centre. >>

„No way..." I entered the studio and was obviously not the only one who had this project. „Liv?!" Marco interrupted his warm-up when he noticed me. „You here?" His smile shone over both ears, in me the nervousness increased. I wasn't sure how close he was in contact with my father and whether he knew that I wasn't really allowed to be here. „Um, yes, so..." I started and would have liked to have punched myself. I can't even talk properly, how embarrassing! „Nice to see you!" He pulled me into a short hug. „I didn't even know you were coming back here..." We broke up again. So he didn't know anything about it...

I took off my bag and my shoes. „Yes, I thought maybe I could start again slowly, dancing and so on..." Marco nodded favourably, the smile on his face gave me a stomach ache. „That's nice. So you're feeling better again?" I told Marco about the last operation and that everything went well. So actually I told him everything, except for the fact that I have to do a second operation to get well, and that I wasn't really allowed to be here. Great, Liv. So here you lie also, You're really a genius... I wanted to mute my inner voice, banish it from my head and make sure it never get louder again. I couldn't stand the truth, I couldn't hear what she said anymore. In one moment she tells me to continue, and the next moment she tells me that I am a bad person who lies to everyone. I just couldn't stand it anymore, I was about to go crazy...

After a few warm-up exercises together, we started dancing. Marco showed me what he was working on at the moment. It was a kind of hip hop only a little more modern with elements from the breakdance. I looked at the choreography and was more than just impressed. „Wow, that's really great!" I clapped enthusiastically into my hands before I fought my way back on my feet. „Now show what you've done!" He stood by the side to watch me. „I continued a bit with what we practised before Christmas..." Marco nodded and I started dancing.

The music flowed through me, my veins filled with energy and I felt me forgot everything around me. My body moved to the melody, it became one with the tones. Suddenly everything was so simple, my problems unimportant and the lies were only half as bad. I didn't think about what kind of danger I was in, what I'm actually playing with here right now and how stupid that was. I didn't waste any thought on the house of cards that I built from my lies, I didn't realise how much it wobbled. I stood at the top, moved elegantly and danced on the floor. With each step he the floor got more cracks, the material already crumbled away on the sides. And I was too blind to realise.

Then it collapsed into itself and I fell. So deep, the impact was painful. „Lewis, what-" The question got stuck in my throat when he pierced me with his eyes. „The restaurant with your dad must have been really good..." I swallowed hard. „And I didn't even know that we were actually on an appointment for lunch before I met your father at work, and he told me that..."

Lewis came closer, his hands in his pants pockets of his jeans and his eyes cold. So cold, the sight made me freeze to death. „I hope for you that you have a damn good explanation for this..." He looked between me and Marco and, I didn't say anything.

„Liv, what-" Marco started and looked in my direction looking for help, I remained silent. „Oh, it's such a thing..." A humourless laugh twitched over Lewis' lips. „So he doesn't know!" He came even closer, with each of his steps the panic in me rose. „What do I not know?" Marco's questioning look glued to me, he wanted an explanation. And of course I didn't have one, this was absolutely shitty. I hadn't thought about what to say when this situation occurs. I simply didn't expect it, and that was stupid. „Nothing, Marco, it's nothing!" Oh God, Liv. What are you trying to do here?

„Tell me, are you still doing well? Do you really want to fuck with me completely?!" It suddenly broke out of Lewis, at that moment I got scared. Fear that I have ruined everything with it came up in me. „You say that there is nothing? What, in your fucking brain, isn't really working?!" The accusation in his voice drilled in my heart, very deep and I felt it slowly starting to bleed. „You've been lying to everyone here since - what do I know for how long -, and seriously say that nothing is?" A mocking laughter climbed up his throat, tears gathered in my eyes. He had no idea what he was doing here.

„You are sick, Liv. Really sick!" My hands clenched into fists and I pressed my eyelids together. The naive part of my brain hoped that Lewis wouldn't stand there when I opened my eyes again. But he did, of course he did.

„Can someone explain to me what's going on here?" Please dear ground, open up and swallow me! „Do you want or should I?" At that moment I hated Lewis so much. Probably even more than on the day we met. „Don't you dare blackmail me." I pressed out between my teeth, even though I knew it didn't help. Lewis would do it, no matter how, and I could just stand next to it and watch him say it first to Marco - and then to my father. Oh God, my father!

„I am not blackmailing you, Liv. This is the disclosure of facts that you obviously keep to yourself..." Grief swung in his voice and I felt the blood boil in my veins. How could he suddenly be so calm again when he just yelled at me?

„You just don't understand, Lewis..." My voice was a touch of nothing, that was ridiculous... „What, Liv? What do I not understand? Tell me. What should I not understand about it? You had one thing to do, one damn thing, and that was to take care of you. Can this be so difficult? Do you really want to play with your life like that, do you really want to die?"

And then it broke out of me. „No, Lewis!" The two solidified into themselves and for a brief moment I was also surprised by myself. Then I felt the hot tears rolling over my cheeks, it was too late to hold them back. „You just don't understand! Have you ever wondered why I'm doing this? No, you didn't!" Hollow pain burned in my chest. „I just want my old life back. I don't want to be the one who needs help, you understand?! I'll do this for you, for my father. I want to show you that I am strong, but you just don't want to see that. You still treat me like a little child, which can't do anything alone, but I'm not, okay?! I'm old enough to take care of myself, and I just don't feel like all this shit anymore if you somehow get it in your shitty head!" I fell silent, the guilty conscience of yelling at him like that did not occur. He deserved that... And then there was nothing for a short moment. Silence.

„No, Liv. I really don't understand that..." He broke the silence, his voice sounded so calm. „Of course not..." I turned my head, a humourless laugh shrugged over my lips. „Because you are a fucking arrogant asshole, that's why! You always think only of yourself, of what you want and of course you like that I depended on you, don't you? You probably even think that's really cool, but you can forget that now. I don't need your shitty advice, and neither that from my father, so just stay out of my life, do you understand that?!"

Without waiting for an answer, I stormed past him. The last thing I saw was Marco, who had fallen out of the clouds and understood nothing at all about what was actually going on. And the last thing I heard was Lewis, who yelled me some things after, but I ignored him. I just ran as fast as possible, I needed distance now...

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Heyyy, this is the last chapter for today, ik it's a cliffhanger but you know me hahah

So tomorrow I upload the last chapter from this book. I want to thank you all for your support and lovely comments and messages! You have no idea how much that means to me, and ofc if you ever feel lonely or if you feel like you need somebody to talk, send me a message (best on Instagram, my user there is Annpakki) and I'll be there!

Feel hugged, I love you, bye <3