Life Is a Roller Coaster |Sequel|

09

I was doing the second song about 2 hours. Then I heard screaming. And surprisingly it was Harry. I'd really love to see what the boys did to him. But I need some time alone now. And I want to wrote all song not just half of it.

It's about 5 pm. And I'm going out of the music room. I was there almost 5 hours.

I didn't eat almost day now. And my stomach hurts as f***. But it'll be okay. I'm just not used to it because I was eating so much last days.

But I will get used to it in a few days. I went straight into my room. I have some pills on hurt. I know that it'll not help too much. But I can try. I feel so bad that I ate so much. I shouldn't do it. Oh my god why am I so stupid. They had truth. All of them. I'm stupid, fat and worthless.

And I'm in tears again. Fu*k. Okay maybe I should stop cursing to much but that's not my main problem right now. I need to talk with someone. In best case with Leo my psychologist. But I need twlk with anyone right now.

I looked at my wrists, stomach and tights. They are all covered in scars. I really need someone. I can't do it. I didn't do it long time.

Then someone opened my door. It's Nialler. He looks like angel for me in this moment.

„Am, are you okay?? Why are you crying??” he said. And I started sobbing just more. He hugged me. Did I said before he's the best hugger?? Because he is. My stomach did some weird voice and he asked me.

„Are you hungry??”

„No, Nialler I'm okay. ” I forced myself to say. But my stomach said something different.

„Really?? It didn't sound like that. You are crying because you're hungry??” I forced myself to a little smile. It was broken smile.

„It's okay. I cried because I was hungry lots of times” I smiled again. He is so cute when he's confused. I've never noticed it before. No no no what am I talking about. I have Brook. Brooklyn. My precious girlfried. She's so beautiful. Yeah that's right. But Niall he's so cute when he's talking. No no no no. Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Brooklyn.

What the hell is wrong with me. Niall's still hugging me tightly.

„No Niall I'm not hungry and I don't cry because of food. I can't speak about it sorry. I'm just so weak and stupid and worthles and-” He stopped me.

„Am, what are you talking about. You're the most clever and amazing person here. You're definitely a lot more stronger than anyone here. Stop saying these things. Okay?? And now. In food direction.” he said. And yeah he started calling me Am. Not Amy, A or something. Just Am.

We went to the kitchen. He made sandwiches and we went to living room. Where all of the boys were sitting and chatting. I sat in between Louis and Niall. I'm wondering what happened to Harry. He's sitting far away from us as possible. I shake it off. They did some stupid prank on him I guess.

•

After few hours of chatting and watching some film with the lads. I went to my room for sleep
I'm really tired.

But I opened my notes and read the songs what I did today before. They're not bad. I wanna show them to the boys. It would not be first time. They hearing me making music.

One day I was singing in the music room. When I stopped I saw all of them watching me and then they started clapping. It was so embarrassing. I thought their ear drums are dead after what they heard. But they asked me if I don't want to go on tout with them. I don't know why and if it was something with it but yeah that's the secret.

But I'm still too shy to sing in front of them again. So I want to show it but I'm too scared. Ohh stupid me.

I felt asleep. With tears in eyes even I didn't know that I started crying.

But my nightmeres. They haunt me a few days. I didn't say it to anyone. I always wake up in night. Feeling absolutely terrible. The voices in my head saying that it's my fault or something like that. Yeah I have nightmeres about the bad things what happened to me. It's weird I know.

I want to say it to someone but the voices always came back. It's from my  schizophrenia. I know it. And I was able to shaje them off. But last days it's terrible and I can't do with it anything. I'm going to speak with Leo tommorow. Because I didn't really long time.

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Little wird chapter. But I hope you like it. I love y'all. See ya. Byee <333