Life Is a Roller Coaster |Sequel|

10

I woke up in middle of night. I had horibble nightmare. All my family and friends were dead. And I was responsible for it. The voices were so loud and I did it again. I was just watching my wrists colouring to lots of different shapes of red. I hate myself. Why did I did it again. How am I supposed to cover it??

I get out of bed and went to get a shower. I washed all the dry blood what I didn't see in the night. I'm so tired, exhausted and I feel terrible. What if I'm really not supposed to be here. No no no I can't just give up. I've never gave up before. Okay that's not true. I gave up 2 times. 1 time actually. The second time was mistake. I didn't want to give up. I was just too sad and angry. But I can't do it again. I have so many friends and girlfriend.

Harry didn't give up. Even when he did the same like I do. So many people didn't give up.

I spoke with Leo. And I spoke for the first time about me and eating. He said I have an anorexia. And he called the boys. He helped me with what am I supposed to do. And he wrote me some different pills. Because I said him about the voices and all.

I'm so broken. But I'm not going to give up. What if... What if I can help people. What if I will get out of this and then help people. That's my dream. Helping people...

•

It was 3 months when I said about my peoblems. More about them. I changed. All my friends were helping me. And I absolutely love them all. I'm on tour with the boys.

Zayn... He.... He isn't here in the band and on the tour anymore. He wanted to live a normal life. He had some problems and he left because of the toxic management too. And I understand him. The management is treating them really bad. He was sad about it last few days. And he decided. I miss him. He helped me with eating the most. I'm still a good friend with him but oh god it hurts so bad.

Now I'm eating normal.

I have a social media and I'm doing my own music on the youtube. I have more fans than I ever wanted.

It's amazing to see how many people are screaming my name when they see me with the boys. I'm touring with  my 2nd family. I'm going back to school soon. Today is my last concert before school. I saw my family two weeks ago. I'm happy. After a long time again. It's amazing feeling.

I'm going on acting school. Yeah. I quit Cambridge. Like not yet. But I said there that I'm not going back next year. So this is going to be my last term. Lot of things changed. And I'm happy that I tried Cambridge.

But my heart is in different world. I love touring with the boys. I love singing and I loved and still love acting. That's what I'm going to study. It will be distant to end of this year. And then I will see. I want to be on all this tour with boys. And I want to be on next one but I don't know if the school leave me go there. It took a lot of time to be able to study the first term distant.

•

The concert was amazing like all of them. I did some pranks on the boys like a goodbye. I'm surprised that I was able but actually Simon was really happy when I said I want to do it.

My flight is going in a ten minutes and I'm already in the plane. I'm in first class. Thanks to the boys and to be little famous. Yeah I'm little famous. Bot much but people knows my songs and they know me from the boys. That's not exactly what I wanted but yeah. I get a lot of hate thanks to it. But I look on the people who were screaming my name today. On the people what are defending me on the twitter and on all the socials.

I didn't know how much can 3 months change your life. More than year before. I'm still not hundred percent okay but. It's going good. 

I even met 5 seconds of summer, because they are opening acts and I met Ed Sheeran who is one of my favourite singers. He was an opening act on some concerts and he's still. Ed and 5SOS are good friends with boys and with me too now.

It took 3 months and a years before but my life looks better. Like really better. I hope my mom and sis are proud. The day after tomorrow I'm in school again. But it's okay. It's last term of the school. And then I will be free to do what really makes me happy.

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Okay guys. Now she's really better. I wanted to do it a long time before but I needed a time for you. 10th chapter and here we go. I'm sorry for tears because of Zayn if you had some. Yeah it's sad. It really is. I can't even imagine how would I cry if I was fan in 2015 like I'm now. And I was supposed to go throw it. And then... And I don't know what I would do if one of the boys. Especially Harry, Louis or Niall said that they are ending their solo career. I would probably die. Okay stop. That's not optimistic. Amy is better now. Truly better so next chapters are going to be better. I use Ed Sheeran like an opening act because why not. And yeah I know he wasn't but it's my story and I want it to be this way so yeah.
Christmas Eve is on Saturday. ( Minimal for me) so I'm happy. Yeey And I hope I will get the tickets on Louis in Prague next year okay this was very random... This is a little longer chapter it has a little over 1000 words so yeah.... I love you all. See ya. Byee<33