Life Is a Roller Coaster |Sequel|

24

One good and bad week of my life

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Yeah so I have one more thing to do here in USA. Louis....

Yeah I'm meeting Louis in Los Angeles. And I want to say that I'm not meeting just Louis, I'm meeting his baby boy Freddie too. He was born just on the end of January. I'm so excited to see him, to see them both. I really miss Louis nowadays because he always make me laugh and I'm relly happy that he's still my best friend. I can't even imagine loosing. him. I push all the bad thoughts to corner of my mind and smile widely. Last few months I just like to smile, making everyone happy and comfortable just trying to be complete opposite from what I was not even a year ago.

I hate myself for being stupid, having attitude and just being walking deppresion. But I'm not the girl in the closet anymore. I'm a boy instead. : ))) Okay that was a bad joke. : )

Now really. I'm going on a long flight from New York city to Los Angeles. It's six and a half hour long flight. From London to New York it was 8h and 15min. So it's okay.  Then I will be there for week. Sadly just week. Because then I need to come back to Czechia. My sister isn't there and my dad is sick. And my brother can't help him much so I will go there. It's making me sad. Because I wasn't there for them. I'm not there for them. And my sister isn't anymore either. And I feel guilty. That I just left them there. And  I'm not there always when I can.

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I'm on the plane. But my mind can't stop overthinking about me not being there for my family. And then the one month we will not be there for dad. Anyone of us. And that's so crazy. And I feel guilty again. I wasn't home from like 2010. And now it's 2016. I wasn't there for my brother all the six years. I was in Prague and then he was in the hospital and then when he woke up I wasn't there. They said him that I almost killed myself...again. I'm so fucking disappointment. So I need to go there. I would go there rn but my flight is in week. Okay breathe in breathe out. I need to look normal or Louis will start to worry and that's what I don't want.... But I need him. Arghhhhhh

I get out of the plane. With completely red puffy eyes. I cried myself to sleep. And that was to about 2 hours of the flight so it was long and it was tearing me apart. I don't want Louis or anyone of the paparazzi see me like this so I took a sunglasses.

When I get out of the plane I just saw lot of fleshes and then get to the car. There is Louis waiting on me. I hugged himand my body get itself fired. The tears started streaming down my face again. Everything what ever happens it just getting me so bad.

Yeah I love my life and everything but my mind can't let so many things just go away. And I still think that I fail for so many people. Mybe for everyone. Louis immediately asked what happened but I didn't tell him. I can't I just need my best guy friend.

I calmed down and we were talking about some things. We had a good time. But my mind is still kinda overthinking.

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When I first saw Freddie. I felt in live with this small guy. Of course not the way. Just like the platonic or you know what I mean. I'm excited for being the good aunt for this guy.  Not real aunt but like aunt.

I were playing with Freddie for a few hours. He's really cute. I hope he will raise to be amazing and strong man like his dad is.

Rest of the days before going back to Czechia. I were talking with Louis and playing with Freddie. I told him about my father and about why I cried. And I tell you one thing. He really can help you.

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Hi! So yeah this was kinda sadder chapter I know. I just wanted to say that like I don't know if it makes sense for me to write more. Like I love this story and everything. And I will probably post still. But I'm kinda sad because I give to this really much of time and I don't know if it's even one person reading it so yeah. I just wanted to say that. I love y'all. See ya. Byee<33