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janet jackson - fit ⤴
Toni wasn't talking, once we left her aunt's room she just went mute. I understood why though, what she was told would leave a heavy burden on me too. I was sad and it wasn't even about me. She kind of fell back into her attitude of pushing everyone away. At first, my feelings were hurt but then I thought about what my therapist and I talk about.
I can't get mad at people for being upset. That's wrong because anger is a human emotion and everyone has a right to feel it. So I told myself that I wouldn't let my feelings be hurt just because Toni was upset. When we got in the car, she just started speeding and eventually we were back at the room.
She jumped out the car like last time and left the keys, leaving me behind. Nine times out of ten she was just running off to keep me from seeing her break down. So instead of running after her, I turned her car off, and waited for a while. I was in the car for maybe an hour before I went back into the room.
I wasn't upset or sad, I was just giving her the space she needed. I've been telling her I'm a big girl for so long now that I'm actually being one. The Janet from a few months ago would've ran to her side, begging for reassurance like she wasn't the one in pain and need.
But I've outgrown that now. While I was walking into the building I got a text from T, she was saying how she was sorry but she just couldn't handle talking right now. I didn't now the full situation on what her aunt told her because that asked me to step out. But I did know that Toni had a lot of responsibility coming up within the next few weeks.
I reassured Toni that she was perfectly fine and I understood then just left it alone. When I got into the room she'd already showered and was on her laptop typing something. I put her keys on the stand and her eyes popped up from her screen.
"W-what took you so long?" Awe she's nervous.
"Just wanted to give you some space," I shrugged. I really needed her to know I wasn't upset in anyway so I walked over and kissed her cheek.
"Oh, t-thank you." She mumbled. I hummed and then went to go shower myself. I like her aunt a lot, but hospitals creeped me out. So I needed to wash the sickness atmosphere away. When I finished getting dress and stuff, T was already in bed sleeping. It was only around seven and I was sleepy too.
I climbed into bed and she turned over to face me. She was still a lot quieter than usual, which is saying a lot since Toni is naturally quiet.
"I love you," Her hand cupped my face and her thumb caressed it. I felt my heart-rate pick up and I looked away from her. But she just lifted my chin and kissed my lips. I did love her back, but I just couldn't say it. It never ends well when I do.
"You don't have to tell me, I feel it enough." She pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head as I wrapped my arms around her. I took a deep breath and tried to focus my thoughts. Because I really wanted to say it back but then words just wouldn't come out.
"The last time I said it, she broke me." I admitted. That was the best I could do right now, so she'd have to understand. It also felt wrong to even be having this conversation after the day she'd just head.
"I know, you don't have to say it. I just need you to know from me that I love you," Every time she said it my heart sped up. She should really stop before I have an actual heart-attack in her arms.
"Okay." It got quiet between us and I sort of felt bad so I looked up at her.
"B-but, you know I feel the same.. right?" I was looking in her eyes so hard, if even a hint of doubt flashed through them I'd know.
"I know, Jan. It's okay. I'm not mad. Let's just take a nap." She kissed me in reassurance and then we went to bed.
When we woke up from out late day nap, Toni was up and on the phone. Her yelling actually woke me up, she still let me lay on her and was playing in my hair.
"I don't care, I'm not doing it. Leave me alone. Go pick a different kid to guilt-trip because I've got none." She huffed before hanging up and aggressively throwing her phone and making it fall off the bed.
I was about to ask what happened but she just shook her head and put in back onto the headboard.
"I really don't wanna talk about it, J." She huffed. So I left the situation alone and just hugged her until we fell back asleep. At least now I know how to comfort me. I'm glad things are starting to feel a lot less one-sided in the emotional support aspect. I used to feel like it was just her comforting me.
"Thank you," Toni whispered before cuddling more into me. I didn't even have to tell her for her to know that she was fine.
I really do love her,
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this is short bc i want it to be so HAHA plus I'm literally updating for quizzel's monkey ass so thank her.
