Princess Charming (gxg)

Part 39

I hadn't felt this down in years.

Something happened after the settlement. I was hoping to wake up the next morning and feel okay, let it all roll off my back.

I tried, I really did. But I couldn't help it. I found myself getting deeper and deeper into the depths of depression.

I had no energy. I was still going to work, but I felt numb the whole time I was there. I wasn't really present. However, I had to go to work. I had no choice.

I didn't want to go to work at all. I felt like I was going to break down whenever I had to leave for my drive. But I didn't have a choice.

The main reason why I felt so much guilt about what was happening- was Hallie. I knew she had so much anxiety and she suffered from depression. I needed to be there for her, and I felt like I wasn't. I was so mentally exhausted, and she didn't deserve that.

I knew that it was effecting her. I could see it in her eyes that she was concerned whenever she would look at me.

She suggested therapy. Part of me wanted to listen to her, but the other part of me felt like I could deal with it on my own, as I always did.

I also felt too mentally exhausted to talk to anyone about my issues.

I kept trying to push through, and hope it would get better. But it wasn't getting better. And it wasn't just effecting me.

On the second Friday night in April, Hallie came home from work and asked me if I wanted to hangout with her, Yasmin, and Chloe.

I still had my concerns about Chloe. However, I almost couldn't find the energy to be as jealous as I was before. I just hoped that Hallie wouldn't want to go looking anywhere else. I wasn't giving her what she needed right now, in every which way.

We hadn't even had sex in 3 weeks. Which was not common for us.

In fact, it had never happened.

Hallie started changing out of her work clothes as she asked me if I wanted to get dinner with her, Chloe, and Yasmin at a vegetarian cafe called Blue Sage. It was just us two in the house. Cora and Felix were at a Doctor's appointment for my future niece. Yes, they were having a girl.

The thought of having to go out, sit at a restaurant, and be present terrified me.

I took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, Hallie. I'd like to stay back, but you go have a good time."

I saw the change in Hallie's expression. From hopeful to disappointed. She looked like she was going to say something, but instead she turned around to grab her deodorant off the dresser. She was reaching for it, when she pulled her arm back and turned around to look at me on the bed.

I could see that her eyes were watery.

"Alina, I can't take this anymore." she said.

I felt my heart drop.

I didn't say anything back, and she continued.

"I'm sorry if this makes me sound selfish in any way, because it's not coming from a place of that." Hallie spoke, "But I can't take seeing you like this. I haven't had my girlfriend for a month now, and it's killing me. I want to help you. Why won't you just let me?"

"I promise, I will get help." I said. I didn't know what else to say.

I had said this more than once in the past few weeks.

"When?"

I was taken aback when Hallie practically shouted that single question at me.

Hallie had never yelled at me. And I hadn't yelled at her.

She was at her breaking point.

And I was the one that got her there.

She then took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."

She then looked down, and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks.

I should hug her. I need to do something.

I was about to get up when Hallie then put on a knit beanie over her hair and said, "I think I need to just go to dinner. I'm sorry, Alina."

"It's okay." I said, softly.

Hallie then wiped at her eyes, and grabbed her bag. She then walked out, and as I heard her light footsteps down the stairs, I felt a lump forming in my throat.

I hate that I have done this to her.

I laid down on the bed, feeling a mixture of emotions.

I was so frustrated with myself. I wished I could just listen and go see a Doctor and go to therapy. But I couldn't bring myself to do so.

It's like I've gotten comfortable in my sadness.

I laid in bed for a while. I was hoping Hallie would text me.

I should be the one texting her.

So I did. I texted her simply stating, "I love you."

A few minutes later my phone vibrated. I picked it up, hoping it was Hallie.

But it was Cora. Asking me if I wanted her and Felix to bring dinner back from the restaurant they were going to.

I was going to say yes, but then I decided to do something else.

I can't keep doing this to Hallie. Yes, I feel terrible. But I need to get the fuck up and go to her.

I dragged myself out of bed- and changed into black jeans that I tucked an olive green long sleeved shirt into.

This was the first time since the trial that I had worn anything besides scrubs or sweatpants and hoodies. It felt unnatural, almost.

My hair was messy. It looked like bedhead. I put some product in it to smooth it over, and pulled it back into a ponytail.

It also felt extremely unnatural to be putting on mascara, blush, and eyeliner.

But I did it. And I then grabbed my purse and car keys- and headed over to Blue Sage.

Blue Sage was a small cafe on the "Main Street" of the town I live in. It isn't actually called Main Street- but that's what it is referred to as. There are quite a few restaurants and shops to go to.

Blue Sage had big glass windows that you could see directly into, so I would be able to see the table Hallie was at.

I parked on the street and put some quarters in a parking meter.

I wonder where Hallie parked? She can't parallel park for shit. She probably found a lot somewhere and walked.

I then started walking toward the cafe, feeling a bit chilly and realizing I should've worn a jacket.

As I walked up to the cafe, I felt my heart start to pound.

Is Hallie going to be upset to see me?

Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

I then stopped in my tracks as I was by the cafe, able to see into it.

It wasn't Chloe, Yasmin, and Hallie at a table together.

It was just Chloe and Hallie, at a table for two.

And Chloe had her hand resting on Hallie's.

What. The. Fuck.