Princess Charming (gxg)

Part 43

It is bizarre that you can not see someone a month- and they're all you think about. All the time.

Hallie was always on my mind. We still texted each other, so we could see how we were doing- but I hadn't heard her voice in a month. And I hadn't seen her.

I wanted to call her. I almost did, many times. But I wondered if she would even want to hear from me. Something was holding me back.

Fear of rejection.

I missed her so damn much. I honestly had regret about ending things. I thought that I had to get better on my own, and that I was bringing her down with me.

But my life was so much better with her in it every single day.

I hated that she still was staying with Chloe. I worried constantly that they would hook up. Even though I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

My life was now work, sleep, and trying to distract myself.

I did wind up going to my family doctor. I knew that I needed something to help me out. She then referred me to a Psychiatrist.

I was terrified to go see a Psychiatrist. I couldn't help but to think of my parents, and their disdain for Psychiatry and any medications for mental health. They would call me weak.

I tried to tell myself that I wasn't. Felix and Cora constantly reminded me that I wasn't. There was still part of me though that felt like I was.

I opened up somewhat to the Psychiatrist about what I was going through. I told him some of my background. The abuse from my parents. My ex-wife dying. The recent trial, and then the panic attack. I also told him that I was dealing with a break up, which constantly had me feeling sad. Even though it was my doing.

He gave me a medication called Wellbutrin. (A/N: Wellbutrin gang ✌🏼 that's what I take) He said it was for both depression and anxiety, and it would most likely start to help me after 2 weeks. We would try something different if it didn't help.

He also "highly suggested" that I see a therapist.

I still hadn't made an appointment. The thought of sitting in a room and talking to someone about my problems just gave me anxiety.

When I was on the medication for 2 and a half weeks, I started to feel a little bit...different. I wasn't necessarily happier. But my depression and complete lack of motivation didn't feel as intense. It just slightly took the edge off.

However, I found myself missing Hallie even more.

Texting a little bit each day was not enough. I didn't really know how she was actually doing. She seemed very interested in how I was. I told her I started medicine. When I asked her how she was, she would vary between "hanging in there" or "okay".

I wanted to get back to where we were. Was that even possible though? Had I just wrecked things forever?

My life was so fucking lonely without her. And not just without having a girlfriend.

Without Hallie.

I missed living my daily life with her. I missed her smile, her voice, her touch. I simply just having conversations with her. How she understood me better than anyone.

I felt more connected to her than I had to anyone in my life.

Cora and Felix were very much there for me. They also asked me about Hallie- and how she was doing. I could tell they were concerned about her as well.

After my third week of taking the medication, Cora took me out to dinner. We went to a restaurant that served wood fired pizza, and we each got our own Margherita pizza. Cora was now 6 months pregnant, and I was certainly excited to meet my niece.

Cora took a bite of her pizza and closed her eyes, happy with the food.

"Now this is good." she said.

I took a bite of my pizza and said, "Wow. You're right, this is very good."

Cora took a sip of her water and then said, "I'm glad that you agreed to go out with me. That shows me that you're doing even the slightest bit better."

"The medicine doesn't make me feel happy. But I feel like I can breathe a little." I said.

"That's very normal." Cora said to me, "I am just grateful that you're even a little bit better, sister." She then paused before asking me, "How is Hallie? Have you spoken to her today?"

"I haven't yet today." I said, "She hasn't texted me. And I don't want to bother her."

"I am certain you are not bothering her." Cora said, "I am sure she is thinking the same thing. You should text her right now and tell her you hope her day went well."

"I want to have an actual conversation with her." I said, "But you're right. I'll just text her."

I took out my phone and typed out a message.

I said: Hey. I hope you're having a good day. I'm with Cora and she says hello. I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you.

I wanted to send a heart at the end. But I didn't.

How did I go from telling her I loved her every day to questioning whether I should send a heart.

She texted me back not even two minutes later saying that she was having an okay day, and to tell Cora she said hi. And that she was thinking about me too.

"See." Cora said, "She was probably very happy that you texted her. Hallie is not one to play games. She wears her heart on her sleeve and lets you know how she feels."

"Maybe she was actually waiting for me to text her." I said.

Cora then asked, "Have you set up a therapy appointment?"

"No. Maybe I will next week." I said.

"Baby steps." Cora said, "You're making progress."

A week later, Cora's sister, Larissa, was over before she was heading to work. She was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, but I knew underneath she had on a bikini most likely for work.

I was in the bedroom, and I walked downstairs when I heard Cora, Larissa, and Felix talking.

I gave Larissa a hug when I saw her.

"How are you, honey?" she asked me.

"I am okay." I said, "Thank you for asking. How are you?"

"Not in the mood to go to work." Larissa chuckled. She then said, "Alina, I probably shouldn't be telling you this- but Hallie is now working at my job."

What?

Felix, Cora, and I all stared at Larissa.

"She's working at your job?" I asked.

Larissa nodded, "I found out two nights ago. I was off from work for 2 weeks because I hurt my ankle, and when I got there...I saw Hallie."

"Is she...stripping?" I asked.

"I don't think so. She had on a pair of short shorts and a bra. She was serving shots to people, she wasn't dancing. Let me tell you- she did not look very happy." Larissa said.

"Did you talk to her?" I asked, heart pounding.

"I did." Larissa said, "I gave her a hug and said that if she needed anything I was there for her. She told me that she needed the extra money. She also told me...to not tell you. But goddamnit I can't keep my mouth closed. And I think you should know."

Fuck. So she has to work as a shot girl at a strip club?

The thought of all of the eyes roaming her body was making me sick.

And I knew Hallie. She probably hates every single second she was there.

"Do you know when she works next?" I asked Larissa.

"Let me look at the schedule, I took a picture of it." Larissa said, her long nails tapping on her phone screen. She then squinted as she read and then looked at me and said, "Wednesday night."

"I'll tell work I can't come in that night." I said, "I'm seeing Hallie."