Princess Charming (gxg)

Part 40

I watched for another minute as Hallie and Chloe talked- and Chloe still had her hand on top of Hallie's.

Chloe was in the chair that had her back facing to the window, but I could see Hallie's face through the window.

She didn't look happy as she spoke to Chloe. I could see her plate of food was almost untouched in front of her.

She's in a really bad place because of me.

And now she's got another girls hand on hers.

I took a deep breath and tried my best to not jump to conclusions.

Hallie wouldn't cheat on me.

I know she wouldn't.

Right?

But why is she only with Chloe, and Chloe is practically holding her hand?

I knew what the best thing was for me to do- and that was go home. I would ask Hallie about it when she got back.

I was about to turn around, when Hallie seemingly noticed me from outside the window. Her eyes got wide, and she immediately pulled her hand away from Chloe's. She then said something Chloe
that I couldn't make out, and hurried out of the cafe.

"Alina!" she called out, hurrying toward me. When she reached me, she pulled me into a hug. "What are you doing here?" she asked me softly.

When we pulled away, I said, "I was going to join you for dinner. I decided to get up and at least try. I didn't think I would walk up to see you and Chloe basically holding hands." 

Hallie shook her head, "I promise you, it's not what it looks like. I swear on everything. Yasmin couldn't make it to dinner, I didn't know until I showed up. Chloe asked me if I was okay, she said I looked upset. We got to talking, and she put her hand on mine when I was telling her I was going through a rough time. I'm sorry, Alina. I should've told her to not do that. I feel so fucking bad right now."

I sighed and said, "I know you're not cheating on me, Hallie. I believe you. I can't help but to think though, that even someone putting their hand on yours is practically more than I've given you the past month."

"Alina, don't put any blame on yourself, please." Hallie said.

"I want you to go enjoy the rest of your dinner." I said to Hallie, "I saw you barely touched your food, please eat something. I'll see you when you get home."

"No, I'm leaving now too." Hallie insisted.

I looked at her and said, "I want you to go back and try to enjoy yourself."

Hallie met my gaze and then said, "Okay. I will try."

"I'll see you at home." I said, and then started walking away.

I felt practically numb as I walked toward the car.

Hallie deserves more than this. She goes out of her way to try to make me happy, and I can't do the same for her.

When I got in the car, my phone vibrated. I looked down to see a message from Hallie, in response to mine from earlier.

It said, "I love you too."

I drove back home, and immediately laid back down in bed when I got there. I didn't even bother changing. I felt defeated and exhausted.

I wished for a moment that I had grown up with parents that believed in mental health issues. I didn't even know what depression or anxiety was until I was in my late teens, as it was never even mentioned in my household.

Things would be different, I think.

I was surprised when I heard Hallie's footsteps coming up the stairs about 20 minutes later.

I sat up in bed when she opened the door to the bedroom.

"Hey." she said softly.

"Why are you home?" I asked her.

"Please, do you think I could really stay at dinner after what happened?" Hallie said, taking off her jean jacket. She then sat on the edge of the bed and looked at me.

"You look really pretty." she said.

I gave her a small smile, "Thank you. So do you. This is the first time you've seen me out of anything but scrubs or sweatpants in forever."

Hallie chuckled, "You know I think you're beautiful no matter what you wear."

She's way too kind to me. When I can give her nothing back at the moment.

"I feel like I am completely dragging you down." I said to Hallie.

She shook her head. "No, you're not. I promise, Alina. I just want you to feel better, and get professional help."

Even just the thought of that made me feel panicked.

But even more than that- I was feeling like such a burden to Hallie.

I looked at Hallie and said, "I know that I need some kind of help. But I just feel like you shouldn't have to deal with my issues while I am working them out."

"Of course I have to. We're in a relationship, that comes with the good and the bad." Hallie said to me.

What if I feel like this for a while? What if things go horribly wrong somehow like they did in my marriage.

I can't do that to Hallie.

"Alina. Tell me what you're thinking." Hallie said to me.

"I can't do this to you." I said, "Hallie, I love you. More than anything. But I should deal with this by myself."

Hallie's eyes grew wide. And the look on her face when I said that practically broke me.

"Alina, please don't push me away." Hallie said, "I know that things are scary right now, and feelings from your first marriage might be coming up. But those are things that you can get help with. I want to be here for you more than anything."

"I am going to feel too bad if I am bringing you down with me." I said.

What the fuck are you doing, Alina?

Hallie closed her eyes for a second. She then opened them and said, her green eyes teary, "Are you breaking up with me?"

"I-I don't know." I said, "I don't want to. Of course I don't want to. But I am not doing this to you."

"And you think that breaking up is the answer? You think that breaking up will hurt me less than me just being here for you while you go through a rough time?" Hallie said.

"It may in the long run." I said.

Fuck. What are you doing. This isn't you, Alina. This is all just your fears coming out.

Hallie's expression went from upset to very clearly- hurt.

She then got up from the bed and said quietly, wiping under her eyes, "I'm going to go sleep in the game room. I'm sorry."

No. I'm the one who is sorry.

When I heard the door shut to the game room, I wanted to go in there and tell her I didn't mean any of it. But all of my guilt and anxiety kept telling me differently.

I didn't want to lose Hallie. The thought of losing Hallie for good practically took away my breath and knocked me on my feet.

As I laid in bed, my mind was racing a mile a minute.

I wish I could let go of my fears and just let you help me, Hallie.

But it's not that easy.