The Perfect Boyfriend List

Chapter 15

[Chapter 15] Jealousy

Hindi ko maintindihan yung nararamdaman ko. I've never felt so jealous. I've never felt so angry. Yung sobrang galit ka sa isang tao na gusto mo siyang suntukin, batukan, patayin at isalvage? That's what I'm feeling. Feeling ko gusto kong sumabog pero hindi ko magawa. 'Cause I don't know why and how.

Bakit nga ba ako nagagalit? First of all, hindi ko alam. This is the first time na sobrang natamaan ako mga words that wasn't meant for me. Kakaiba nga e. People kept on charging me with words that were supposed to hurt me. Pero none of those words did. Pero yung bagay na hindi naman nakatarget sa akin, yun pa pala yung makakasakit sa akin.

I felt so sick. Parang ang sakit ng katawan ko. I want to cry. I want to unleash all the stress and words I'd like for him to hear. But I can't. Ayaw kong makita niya na natatalo ako. For sure naman kasi, pagtatawanan niya ako if ever that happens.

We just met a few days ago and I already know his likes, dislikes, desires and even his happiness which is to tease me and fucking irritate me all the time. Kapag nakita niyang natatalo na ako, for sure he'll jump out of glee and he'll proudly shout to the whole world that I was the new member of his victory medals or even a trophy.

I hate to think that way thinking that he's a good guy and my mind tells me that he's not. I'm judging based on how he act. On some parts, my instinct tells me that he's indeed a good guy. But when I remember his dirty words yesterday and the way he irritates me, my mind just slants on the other side.

Ang hirap niyang basahin. He's not like Will and Clay where you can read and identify what side they were in. Will on the good and Clay on the bad.

But Wren's very different. I'm stuck on the boundary same as him. Nasa gitna siyang linya ng good side and bad side. Parang half ba.

So since I don't know how to face and act towards him, I spent my energy on doing everything just to avoid him. Hindi ako sumabay ng recess and lunch with my friends knowing that I'll see him. Ngayon lang ako kumain ng mag-isa and it's pretty much doing good. With sarcasm of course.

Gumawa ako ng iba't ibang excuse sa mga kaibigan ko. Sinabi ko na lang sa kanila na may ginagawa akong special project from a teacher kaya hindi ako makakasabay dahil kailangan ko pang tapusin. Then I ate at the rooftop kung saan walang masyadong tao.

So far I'm doing good. I never encounter him even in hallways. Mukhang todo iwas din si bro. Nahihiya din siguro dahil sa palitan namin ng sigawan kagabi.

Buti na lang at walang Music ngayong araw kaya hindi ko siya makakasama sa iisang classroom. That's the only class we share.

My next subject is bio. Yes. May biology pa rin ako kahit na 3rd year ako. It's all because of the stupid K-12 program implemented by DepEd.

Our batch is the first batch that will graduate in the program. Kami ang first grade 9.

When I reached the classroom, I was welcomed by Liesl and Will's unstoppable mouths. Of course. It's odd for them na hindi ako makasama sa lunch at recess. Probably because they were used to my bitchiness.

"Saan ka ba nagpunta?" Tanong ni Liesl following me to my seat. "Bakit hindi ka sumabay sa amin?"

I sighed. "I already told you may tatapusin akong special project kaya hindi ako madalas na makakasama sa inyong mag lunch at mag recess."

"Talaga?" Will's turn to ask. Hindi na nga ako makalusot dito sa isa dadagdag pa. I hissed. "Kasi lumalayo yung ilong mo e. Sigurado namang nagsisinungaling ka." he said pointing to my nose.

"Shut up. It's all because of the project. Ang hirap kasing gawin e. Kailangan mong maging observant at matinding focus para matapos. Kailangan pang dahan dahanin."