Read This When I'm Gone

5. Your Uncle (what happened)

He knocked on my door. I watched as the bedroom door opened and then he peeked in his head.

"Are you waiting for Daniel?" He asks me, he still only allows his head to be inside my room, his hand holds the doorframe.

I nod as I look up from my laptop to him, "Yeah." I say.

He nods and is quiet for a second, "I was wondering if you could help me with something." He says after a moment.

I smile and nod, "Yeah, of course I can." I say and he disappears from sight.

I remain sitting on the bed as he just stands outside of my bedroom, I feel a weird vibe.

He pokes his head in again, "Are you coming?"

I get up from the bed and go to the bedroom door where I meet him. He lingers by the door and I stand just inside of it and he leans his weight against the doorframe.

"What did you need help with?" I ask him, finding it strange that he isn't leading me to wherever he needed help. He just stands there, I notice how his eyes wander back and forth from my lips to my eyes, his bottom lip trembles with nerves. I begin to feel uncomfortable not understanding what's going on.

"I thought you and I could do something together." He says after a moment.

My heart sinks.

"What do you mean?" I ask him. He only keeps looking at me, his bottom lip is still trembling. He's visibly nervous, but for what? "What do you mean by that?" I ask him again.

He smirks and looks me in the eyes again, "I think you know what I mean." He says and I immediately know what he's talking about.

My heart is pounding hard beneath my chest. I can't believe this is happening. I smile feeling extremely uncomfortable. This has to be a joke.

"Oh." I look at him, "No." I say simply.

"Okay," he says, "Why not?"

"Because I love Daniel." I quickly respond, starting to feel irritated.

"Well I love Karin." Right as the words leave his mouth I feel disgusted.

"You wouldn't be standing here and asking me this if you loved her." I told him and he only smirks.

"Don't you want to live here?" He asks me, changing the subject from his girlfriend.

"Of course I do." I tell him.

"Then you'll do this for me."

My heart sinks even farther in my chest. He's threatening me. Is this really happening?

"Is this a joke?" I ask him.

He shakes his head, "No," he says.

I follow by asking him why he's doing this and he says, "I want to have you."

My skin crawls, I feel violated, still in disbelief. I don't even know what to say.

After a moment I say no again. He threatens me once more, but I stick to my answer.

"What will you do if I tell him?" I ask him.

"Tell who what?" He asks me.

"If I tell Daniel about this."

"Tell Daniel about what?"

And at that moment I knew. I was standing in front of a disgusting liar who came on to his nephews girlfriend and will deny anything I say about him. Which he did, just like I knew he would.

I say my final no and he says, "Okay." I shut the door in his face and sit down on the edge of the bed.

My hands are shaking and I can't comprehend what just happened. I begin pacing the room, I feel like the walls are closing in on me as my anxiety takes over. He just sits two rooms over and I feel sick being in the same house as him.

I leave. I get out of that house and sit in the freezing rain for an hour until Daniel comes home. I ask him to meet me and he does.

He sits down next to me and my heart breaks as I see him. This is going to break his heart, but I have to tell him. I sob as I tell him what happened and he looks at me with shock.

"Are you sure?" He asks me.

"Yes," I nod, still crying.

He hugs me for a while and then we start walking back, but I panic when I notice where he's taking me.

"I can't go back there." I tell him.

"Where are we supposed to go?" He asks me, but I stay quiet, not knowing the answer.

The decision he makes next is one that I wish was never decided. If I could go back this is one of the things I would changed. I wish we never told his uncles girlfriend. I wish I would've just left and gone home to my mother again. The amount of pain I could have avoided if I did... I wish I could take this moment back, because everything after this will lead to how miserable I feel today.

The months after this happened were hell. Day after day of following Daniel to work and spending several hours in a coffee shop because I couldn't stand the thought of being alone in the house with his uncle again. I cried a lot, I got drunk and cried and screamed and begged for them to understand me, to see the pain they've caused me, but it didn't change anything. So much fighting and anger and just losing grip. I shouldn't have stayed. I wish I hadn't. What happened with Daniel's uncle wasn't that bad, but the pain and suffering it caused me follows me to bed every night. I can't stop obsessing over how I wished I would have done things differently and respected myself. I stayed because I loved Daniel, but in the end that wasn't enough, at least not for him. Is love actually enough? Is it worth whatever sort of pain you go through to hold onto that love? I can't seem to figure that out.