I don't remember loving anyone but you.
But you don't want to marry me. At least not now. You said you don't want to be married till you're at least thirty. We've been together for two years and two months. You're twenty-three and I'm twenty-one. How much time has to pass?
I can't decide if it actually bothers me, though. The dreams and wishes I had when I was sixteen don't seem appealing to me anymore. When I was sixteen I wanted to be married at twenty and pregnant with my first child the year after. But here I am, twenty-one and uninterested in having a family or married. A part of me kind of always longs for that life though, but not enough for me to make it a reality. I'm happy with our life right now. We live together in our little apartment, when we're home we don't have to think about anyone but us. Maybe I'm selfish. I'm always selfish when it comes to you.
I think the thing I fear the most is... what if you get to thirty and I'm not the woman you're marrying? I can't stand that thought. If that's what happens maybe it won't bother be then, but it sure as hell bothers me now. I always want you and me. I want you to love me forever.
Last night I couldn't keep my words in and it came out too fast for me to stop it. I asked you to love me forever. I don't have a filter sometimes. But all you did was smile at me and nod, "Promise." you replied. I smiled and kissed you. My heart ached. I sort of feel like you can't do that.
YOU ARE READING
Read This When I'm Gone
Non-Fiction"And when you're sitting on the side of the road crying over what feels like the best god damn thing you ever had - well, at least you had it." Bear with me... This is quite the roller coaster ride, and that roller coaster ride is my relationship.
