34. Thoughts

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I'm terrified.
I'm scared that I'll never find what I had with you again. I'm scared that I'll never be as comfortable. That no other person can make me feel the way you did. It's all terrifying.
I try to meet guys, but they're all so uninteresting. I think a part of me holds me back because I know they won't be you.
I don't want you anymore. I know that. And deep inside I know it's out there somewhere, that feeling. I know someone else can make me happy, but it's just weird knowing it won't be you.
Even though you made me feel awful at times, and especially now you make me feel awful, but everything else was so special. What we had was special. I hate writing this, because it hurts and I hate you so much right now. But I can't deny you made me feel like heaven, but also hell.
I hope one day someone comes along and makes you feel like a joke, like whatever we had was lacking and that I never actually got to experience true love.

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