I'm so confused. One day everything you do upsets me, you do the exact things I ask you not to do, as if you're trying to rub "you can't control me" in my face. And the next day everything is just as I want it to be. You're not out all night, you come home to me everyday after work, every friday and weekend off work is spent with me. It sounds a bit silly that I say that this is how I want it to be. Maybe I am controlling, I sure sound like it. I'm just so selfish when it comes to you and I can't help it. I want you all to myself and I've always been this way, ever since the day I met you. I don't want to share you at all with anyone else.
I'm constantly confused by my own wants. I want you with me all the time, but I also want you to do what you want. It makes no sense and I just can't figure out what I actually want. I think what sounds most appealing is a balance. Some of me and some of that. A friday night with your friends, but then you come home to me and we spend the rest of the night just us. But you don't know how to balance me and everything outside of me. Either you're only with me and don't see anyone else, or you're only with them and neglect me, leaving me to cry almost every night because I know you'll prioritize being with them over coming home and sleeping next to me. You've done it so many times that it's expected now. I try to convince myself, "No, stop thinking like that. He'll come home to you just like he promised." But you never do. I think you've only done it two or three times out of all the times you've gone out with your friends. A month ago I was miserable. Neglected and unseen, I was prepared to leave you, even if I didn't want to. But I was crying almost everyday, a mess at work... I couldn't live like that. And then one day you just stopped. I still wonder why, what made you just stop all of a sudden? Did you realize what you were doing to me? I really can't figure it out. And I honestly don't want to ask you, maybe I'm scared of the answer. '
Now you're cuddling me every night, calling me as soon as you leave work, watching movies with me, making yummy dinners with me, just spending your time with me. I'm not complaining, I just can't stop wondering why you all of a sudden seem to have chosen me.
YOU ARE READING
Read This When I'm Gone
Non-Fiction"And when you're sitting on the side of the road crying over what feels like the best god damn thing you ever had - well, at least you had it." Bear with me... This is quite the roller coaster ride, and that roller coaster ride is my relationship.
