"Maybe I love too hard."
"Maybe I'm just not enough. "
"Maybe he doesn't love me anymore."
I cried and I hurt.
Have you ever felt that sort of physical pain? Where your entire body aches and your heart throbs, feeling like it will explode from the immense pain? That's how I felt every time you made me feel like you didn't want me anymore.
I loved you so much that it actually hurt. I used to look at you and honestly believe I could never, ever live without you. That's how deep I had dived into you. It's dangerous and stupid, but I didn't care. I didn't have the mindset that I could possibly lose you one day. So I gave you my all. I took my heart into my hands and basically threw it at you.
Every time I saw you tell some girl you were single, or talk to other girls more than you talked to me a part of me died. I've seen things that you've said that you have no idea I saw. Yes, I invaded your privacy on more than one occasion, but Jesus, if I didn't I would've been so far in the dark that it would've eventually driven me insane. Knowing almost everything you said was almost enough to make me crazy. I was terrified. "What did I do wrong?", "I'm not enough.", my mind was constantly eating away at me. I did nothing but love and love and love you. And that obviously wasn't enough for you.
Whenever I fell asleep before you I'd toss and turn in my sleep, and even wake up several times because the worry was eating away at me even in my sleep. I couldn't stop wondering what you were doing, who you were talking to. Do you have any idea you made me feel like this? You proved to me again and again that I couldn't trust you. I tried so hard to, so very hard. But you shot it down every time I built it back up. A relationship is built on trust. Where did we go once that was lost? We fought. I fought for you and with you. All I wanted was for you to stop. Take me into your arms and tell me you see my pain. But all you did was continue and not care about me.
Why couldn't you just love me? I loved you so much.
YOU ARE READING
Read This When I'm Gone
Saggistica"And when you're sitting on the side of the road crying over what feels like the best god damn thing you ever had - well, at least you had it." Bear with me... This is quite the roller coaster ride, and that roller coaster ride is my relationship.
