You know what fucks me up? What really gets me feeling low?
The fact that something good can happen to me, yet I can't believe it. I can't trust it. I've only known temporary things, temporary good things. I've learned that nothing is permanent. And that makes me sad, it makes me mad. That I can't be given something good and keep it forever.
We finally got our own apartment. An apartment that is ours. No one can tell us that we have to move or that we can't stay. It will be only ours. Yet I can't believe it. I can't believe this good thing that's happened to us. Maybe I won't believe it till I see it, and that won't be until April. I'm excited, but I've gotten my hopes up so many times just to get disappointed, so I guess this is my way of protecting myself. I moved 5 times last year... I won't let myself be hurt again like that. I don't think people who haven't gone through the same thing can fathom how that feels. To put your trust in someone and then suddenly get stabbed in the back. They get to go home every day, every year to the same place and know they're safe there, that they can stay there for however long they want. Me... I get to live somewhere, someone invites me in, and then they toss me out for their own selfish reasons. I've learned that you don't need to do anything to be treated like shit. You just have to put your trust in the right people and they'll take care of it.
Also I get caught up on other things instead of happiness. I think about how my sister hasn't talked to me for weeks and seems to not care for me anymore. My only sister doesn't find me important. That's how it feels. My brothers (I have 3, except one is a child.) haven't written me or called me to congratulate me on the apartment. They know how much and how long I've struggled, yet they can't spare any time to call me. I guess I'm feeling bad for myself, but I feel forgotten. I feel like no one cares about me and my happiness. No ones cared about my relationship like they cared when my sister got a boyfriend she moved in with. I've been with mine for 4 years is May, but no one cares. No one fucking cares.
I'm sorry I'm complaining so much. I'm sorry I'm sad.
YOU ARE READING
Read This When I'm Gone
Non-Fiction"And when you're sitting on the side of the road crying over what feels like the best god damn thing you ever had - well, at least you had it." Bear with me... This is quite the roller coaster ride, and that roller coaster ride is my relationship.
