My Perfect Addiction

Chapter Eight

I woke up my head killing me, then it came to me, and I smiled Ryder. I reached over and felt for her, she wasn't there.

"RY.....RYDER!!!!"

I yelled.

I figured she was in the bathroom.

"Ryder...."

Still no answer. I got up and walked over to the bathroom, the door was open, and it was empty, she is gone. I walked over and fell to the sofa, "why would she leave." The thought stung. I don't know why, I'm Joey fucking McIntyre, I could walk out this hotel and have any girl I want, actually multiple but I don't want to. Something about last night with her, it felt different. It's not like were dating and she ran, it's just Ryder always felt like home. Next to my parents she is the one who knows me the best. I need that. I just sat for a moment not really knowing what to do, if I could do anything about Ryder leaving. The clock on the wall read 10am, I have to check out of here in an hour, so I figured I better just shower and check out. I have to head over to my parents' house when I check out before I head home. My parents were supposed to come to the show last night like the rest of the guy's families but when I told my parents Ryder was coming, they said they see me today and to spend some time with her. I don't think they meant by getting drunk and having sex or the fact that now I am so confused I don't know what to do.

I showered and checked out heading to my waiting car. I pulled out my phone powering on in the hopes Ryder called but nothing.

"Where to Mr. McIntyre?"

"Orchard Street, Jamaica plain please."

The entire half an hour to my parents I just sat thinking, "what did I do wrong, " and in the next thought trying to tell myself to not stress it she is just a friend. Thats all I thought it was just reconnecting with my best friend. I figured we hang out after the show maybe grab a beer and play some darts like we used too. Instead, we both got wasted and I can't even say we fucked because that wasn't fucking. I made love to her last night and in my heart, it changed everything I thought I knew. I knew once I stepped out this car, I had to act fine, or my parents would catch on. I have no idea to even know what to say to them if they did catch on. I spent the last 15 years convincing them that Ry was just a friend and nothing romantic or sexual could happen.

The car pulled up and I thanked the driver. The car pulled off and here I stood, the house was a sight for sore eyes and my parents always a source of comfort and support. Maybe an evening with my folks will put my head back on straight. I walked up the driveway to the house I grew up in and pushed the door open.

"Anyone home?'

"Joesph!"

I heard my mother from the kitchen as my father appeared from the living room, my mother followed from the kitchen a minute later. After plenty of hugs and my father telling my mother to let me go, she returned to the kitchen where she was working on my welcome home dinner apparently and I followed my father into the living room dropping to the Lazy boy across from him. He had the Red Sox/Yankees game on. I sat quietly watching with him for a while just hoping he didn't ask why I was so quiet for just getting home off the tour. It took about an hour, but he finally did.

"Son is everything alright, you are really quiet and reserved for just getting back?"

"I'm fine....."

He paused for a moment before he dropped the bomb of a question.

"Joesph how was it seeing Ryder after all this time last night?"

I paused and apparently for too long my father turned to me and cocked his eyebrow at me. I knew right then he knew something was up and I was hesitating.

"Joesph how is Ryder?"

Mine as well just get it out, maybe he will know what to do. I sighed,

"Dad don't tell mom, but something happened last night with Ryder."

"Not surprised by that, what happened?"

"What does that supposed to mean?"

"It means Joesph after all these years I could see the little looks you give her."

"What look?"

"Just a certain look. Anyways what happened eh?"

"She came out, I only got to see her a second before we went on, but she stayed and came backstage after the show. We celebrated with everyone, of course we were drinking and after everyone left, we both stayed. We went to my dressing room and drank some more, and I bet her she couldn't beat me chugging a beer."

"What was the bet, Joesph?"

"If I beat her, she had to give me a real kiss, not some little kiss on the cheek type thing. If she won, I kiss her. But listen by then we were both wasted."

"You know what they say Joesph alcohol breaks down walls."

"Ok and....."

"So, part of me thinks you wanted something to happen. So, the kiss is that what has you so distracted?"

"No, it's not that, it's what happened after."

"Ok?"

"After she kissed me, I don't know I just kissed her, and things happened, and we ended up going to my room at the Commonweath."

"You had sex with Ryder last night didn't you Joesph?"

"Yeah, and when I woke up this morning she was gone and now I can't seem to get my head straight."

"Let me ask you, what do you want to happen how?"

"She is my best friend; I don't want that to change."

"Joesph when you have sex with someone that was supposed to be just a friend it changes things, no matter how you try to fight it. After last night whatever you thought you knew about your friendship is going to change. You can't go from being that intimate and vulnerable with someone to go back like nothing happened, are you prepared to deal with that."

"I don't even know what to say or do"

"Have you tried calling her?"

"No, I came straight here."

"Maybe you should call her and talk to her."

"And say what?"

"I can't answer that son, you have to figure out what you want."

"I don't know what I want."

"Deep down I think you do."

I spent the rest of the evening with my parents and Ryder still sat on my mind. She is my best friend, nothing more she shouldn't occupy my mind all day. My parents headed up to bed at 11 and I decided to just spend the night there instead of driving back to my house. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and headed out on the back patio. It was a perfectly clear night, and the sky was covered in stars. I just sat and stared at them wondering how in 24 hours I got to such a confusing place and how Ryder is the center of it all. I know my dad says to talk to her but how am I supposed to that when I don't know what to say. I finished the beer and headed back in and up to my old room, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and just stared at in in my hand for a minute. Maybe if I text her, I can feel it out and I can figure out my next move, because I can't leave it like this.

I texted her a couple of times over the next hour, but they all sat on delivered, she never read them, the last one when I looked down that's when I see it "undeliverable". I knew instantly what that meant, she blocked my number. Fucking great, I let myself go and because of one night we both gave in I lost my best friend, the entire makes me sick. I wish I could say I regret it or I take it back but deep deep down in my soul I just can't and I can't understand why.