My Perfect Addiction

Chapter Twenty-Four

"What did you just say......?"

"I said I love you....Im in love with you Ryder"

I just froze. I swallowed the lump the formed in my throat. I looked up and see his eyes fixation me. I just choked I didn't even know what to say. It feels like the air was being sucked out of my lungs. I jumped up and ran into the house, leaving Joe where he stood. I ran up the stairs and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. That one word just terrifies me. Love, how am I suppose to believe in love when the one person who was suppose to love my father, Remi, and me ran out on us and never turned back. Why would Joe love me, there is so many other girls that are probably better for him than I am. I just couldn't take all the thoughts racing through my head, I had to get out of there.

I grabbed my purse off the chair and ran down the stairs grabbing my car keys on my way out the door. I just couldn't do it. Peeled out the driveway and I headed the the only place I felt comfortable, that I can just be myself, my dad's. I pulled up behind my dad's Range Rover and walked in. I found him on the couch with a beer in his hand watching the fights.

"Daddy....."

"Ryder, what are you doing here so late?"

"I just had to get out of there"

"What happened ?"

"Joe....."

"I'll kill him what did he do?"

"he....he said he loved me."

"okay....not following, thats a good thing, why are you so upset?"

"Because how could he?"

"Sweetheart what do you even mean?"

"He is around beautiful, smart woman all the time, how could he fall in love with me when my own mother didn't."

"Sweetheart come here sit next to me listen, that has everything to do with your mother and nothing to do with you or your brother. Your mother just didn't want to be a wife and mother. She wanted to continue with the lifestyle she had before we had either of you. Your brother was just a little boy and you were a baby, there is nothing either one of you could have done. She up and left everyone that night and never looked back. I know there been times you needed a mother and I couldn't give you that, but regardless you turned into the smart, beautiful, funny young woman. I ask myself how could Joe not fall in love with you. Let me ask you this Ryder and be truthful with me do you love him?"

"I don't know daddy, Im not sure I even know what that is because I never felt it."

"What do you mean you never felt it?"

"I never been in love, never loved anyone outside you and Remi."

"Tell me something honestly too Ryder, would you have been with Joe if he wasn't this baby's father?  That he was just Joe."

"Honestly I always kind of wanted to and at the same point, I don't know if I ever would have given who he actually is."

"All this, the celebrity of it does it make a difference honestly?"

"It kind of does, he was always Mr. Popularity even before all this now he real has girls literally throwing themselves at him and wanting to have sex with him just to say they did."

"Ryder, let me tell you something coming from not your father but as a man, he is in love with you, to be honest we all have seen it for longer than I can even tell you. I think that this is something that you have wanted but may not want to admit it even to yourself.

"I don't even know dad, I thought I was ready for this. Maybe I'm not...."

"What do you mean Ryder?"

"The being with Joey, living together, all of it."

"Ryder I don't think thats it, I think you are scared of the what if's. Listen its been you and Joe since you were five years old in my opinion this is something that has been a long time in the making. We all have watched you two over the years none of us were dumb. The McIntyre's and I have had several conversations. Why do you think I didn't end his existence were he stood when you two came and told me you were dating and having a baby."

"I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be with him and be in love."

"There is no right or wrong way to be in love. I think you need to talk to Joe."

"I will just not right now, I need to think. Do you mind if I just stay the night here?"

"You know you never have to ask, this will always be your home."

"Thank you, Im going to head up to bed, Im exhausted and the baby is killing me."

"Sweet dreams Ryder Bear...."

I had no idea once I had headed up to bed, my father texted Joey and let him know I was there safe and spending the night. I fell asleep the minute my head had hit the pillow. I was woken in the morning feeling my back rubbed gently followed by the softest "Ryder Baby" whispered in my ear. I opened my eyes, there was Joey sitting next to me on the bed. My heart just started to beat faster and I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey..."

"Hey...."

I couldn't help but to lean up and kiss him. His eyes sparkled at me.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think, I came for you."

"How did you know where I was?"

"Your dad.....What happened last night baby girl?"

"Joey did you mean what you said?"

"Of course I meant it, Ryder I'm in love with you, you have to know that."

I should be jumping up and down hearing it but I can help to sit quietly not quite sure on what to say.

"Ryder...."

"Joey....I...I can't say it"

"I don't expect you to say it back if you don't mean it."

I see the sadness in his eyes and it killed me. I just don't know how to say it.

"You know we have a doctors appointment for the baby, you may want to get dressed so we can get on the road."

He couldn't even look at me, and it killed me. I never meant to hurt him, I just never thought we get to the point that this would happen. I wanted to say something, anything but for some reason I just couldn't. 

The entire day Joey didn't say more than ten words to me. Here we are 8:30 at night sitting at the kitchen table silently having dinner. I look at up him as he just pushes the steak around with his fork. He hasn't looked at me all day, this is killing me. I tossed my fork to the plate and looked up.

"Joey...."

"What Ryder...."

He didn't even bother looking up. I felt the lump in my throat grow.

"Listen Im sorry"

"You know what its whatever..."

He sat silently. I felt my eyes begin to burn. He broke the silence a few seconds later

"I think...I think Im going to just go stay at Donnie's house tonight."

I stood frozen as he pushed his chair back before grabbing his keys from the hook,

"Joey...."

He didn't say anything, didn't even bother to turn around or stop. Then I heard the door close. I jumped from the table and ran to the door just in time to watch him pull out and leave. I fell back against and slid down and just then the tears began to fall from my eyes. Watching him leave like that I knew right then that I fell in love with him.