Caught in Storms

Needs and Wants

-Bucky-
I get to my room and start getting ready to go out to the bar with Sam and Emma. I think about everything that happened today and what was said. She is so vulnerable sometimes but tries so desperately hard to hide it. Emma has been fighting most of her life to show that she is so much more than the bad shit that she has been through, and I can admire that. But, there is no reason for her to fight so hard, she's amazing and I can almost guarantee that people see it more than she realizes, I know Sam and I both do. And I know that the rest of the team will once they get to know her.
This 26 year old girl has me wrapped up in her so bad. Every story she told me made me want to protect her even more, keep her out of harms way.
She's so innocent, but I don't know if I can be what she needs. She seems to need a protector that will also let her grow and fight her own battles. She needs guidance I can't provide yet. What she wants is something I can't even guess yet, other than to be an Avenger since childhood.
I feel so lost because it's only been a few days that I've really interacted with her and everything is already hot and heavy. How the fuck did this happen? I am normally so careful about things like this, and yet Emma has made me lose myself in the best ways. This is a whirlwind and I don't think I want it to stop, but it is moving fast.
I get into dark jeans and a button-up shirt and leather jacket, pulling on some nice shoes and looking for my gloves as there is a knock on the door.
"Just a minute," I holler and find them, grab my wallet and step into some cologne before opening the door. I nearly lose my grip on reality at the vision before me.
Emma is fucking gorgeous and there is no mincing words about it. Here she is standing in my bedroom doorway in a pair of the tightest, sexiest, torn up jeans I've ever seen. She's got these black, block-heeled boots on that make her just a bit taller, and her top is a black, form-fitting shirt with straps, but then sleeves that start a bit down her arms and all the way to her hands with holes for her thumbs. There's a slight shimmer to her chest and cheeks, I notice her wearing her dog tags, and her hair is in loose curls that fall over her shoulders. She smells like heaven too, whatever that perfume is, I'll have to ask her what it is later.
"Wow."
"Do you like it," she asks innocently, but the look in her eye is anything, but innocent it is not. The look makes me lick my lips and then bite on my bottom lip to keep myself from tackling her and yanking her into my room with me, forcing Sam to go out and find his own damn entertainment.
"You look great, really...sexy," I say clearing my throat. Seriously, Buck, you need to slow the hell down.
She blushes and bites her own lip, "good, you ready? You look great Bucky."
"Oh I'm ready," I say shutting the door behind me. The subtext in that sentence is more layered than I had meant it to be, but it is there nonetheless.
It's going to be a long night. Emma Wallace you are probably going to be a bit of a problem, and I'm a problem solver...usually. Probably not tonight. Definitely not tonight with her in those fucking jeans.
"Hey you two, you ready? That table in the back is gonna be taken by now if we don't hurry the hell up," Sam hollers as we make our way down the stairs.
"Yeah, yeah, Feathers. We heard you," I say and take Emma's hand once we hit the ground.
"Good, 'cause I'm driving," Sam says and we head out to the garage to his car. Emma goes to open the door to the backseat but I grab it before her and open it for her. I see a blush come to her cheeks and she kisses mine as she climbs in.
I get into the passenger seat and Sam immediately starts playing some intense sounding music that has good beats, but there is so much going on in it I don't know what to think. Emma seems to know it though and the two of them are singing along as we drive to the bar. I smile and listen to them, loving the relationship that they have, reminding me of Steve, Rebecca and I growing up.
The drive to the bar is fun and loud as we all talk and I listen to Sam and Emma sing to several different songs happily. We park a ways away from the bar so that we are not getting slammed into traffic later and I open Emma's door for her again.
"I'm not used to all this chivalry, Sergeant Barnes," she says blushing.
"Well you better get used to it Lieutenant Wallace," I smile and kiss her cheek gently as she steps out.
We get to the bar and Emma is getting excited. We wait in the line to get into the bar and we are ushered in by a huge bouncer that recognizes me and Sam.
"Oh, wow I never thought I'd see a girl comin' here with either one of you," he says with a chuckle.
"Hey, this is my sister, Emma. She's workin' with Bucky and I now," Sam explains to him as we are stepping up to the door.
"Nice to meet you, Emma. Maybe you can keep these two out of trouble," the bouncer jokes and Emma giggles softly as she takes my hand and leads me in with her happily.
"Are you two prone to getting in trouble here," Emma asks teasingly.
"No, usually we are pretty good. We've only gotten in a few bar fights from some assholes that think it's okay to terrorize women," Sam says and I laugh heartily. I smile at Emma happily and she holds my arm tight as we head further into the bar.
We push through the crowds a little bit and make our way to where Sam and I normally sit. We are able to find a table situated in the back so that we can talk and still hear each other without yelling.
"What's your drink of choice Emma," I ask her as I am ordering drinks from the waitress that comes over to the table.
"Rum and coke, light ice, with a dash of grenadine," she smiles sweetly.
"You got it doll," I say and order all three of our drinks and go ahead and pay for them.
"Thank you, Bucky," Emma smiles.
"Of course," I say with a wink. The waitress hands me back my card and makes flirting eyes at me but I just smile stiffly and turn my attention back to Emma. The waitress rolls her eyes and walks away to get our drinks and the food Sam ordered too.
We spend the next few hours just talking and goofing off, each of us sharing stories about our lives and stupid little moments we have remembered.
Despite being so small, Emma is holding her liquor pretty well, no doubt from her time and training with Asgardians and the Army. Honestly though, it still concerns me because of her stature, but it is almost like it doesn't phase her at all. I smile and watch her happily as she relaxes and lets loose, goofing off and talking about pranks she has played on Sam and the kinds of mischief her and Sam's nephews used to get into when they were younger.
Eventually Sam ends up wandering off to go flirt with a woman he saw at the bar, leaving Emma and I alone at the table.
"Are you having a good time," I ask her smiling. She looks a lot freer, and I'm hoping this sticks for a good while longer before we go into the lion's den.
"I really am, I needed this," she says and sways a little to the music.
"Are you having fun? This doesn't really seem like your kind of place," Emma says and sits closer to me.
"I like the booze here," I joke and kiss her cheek as we sit and talk.
"Tell me about you in high school, because I am guessing you were a little troublemaker," I tease her smiling.
"I didn't get into crazy trouble, but I did ditch math class a lot, I hate math, it all looks like gibberish to me. History and music were my best subjects."
"You play music?"
"I do, drums, flute, baritone saxophone, and trombone," Emma smiles sweetly.
"Really? I'd love to hear you play sometime," I smile at her.
"I don't have any of my instruments anymore, I had to pawn them to make a car payment, but I'd love to play for you sometime," she says with a blush and bites her lip gently. Every time she does that I get turned on, it's so sexy seeing her nibble that plump lip of hers.
She goes quiet and thoughtful looking, staring off as I stare at her.
"You doing okay, Emma?"
"Can I ask you something, Bucky?"
"Shoot."
"What is one thing that you really want, and one thing you really need?"
That's kind of a random question, but I decide to humor her.
"One thing I really want is to find a place in my life where I feel safe and comfortable to be myself, and not feel like I am constantly hiding from the Winter Soldier."
Emma looks a little worried at that, probably worried that she just opened a sore spot for me. I rub the small of her back and smile softly to try to reassure her that I'm okay.
"And the need?"
"The right person to stand by my side to get me through the journey to the want," I say softly.
Emma gives me a warm smile and her hand rests on my thigh.
"I hope I didn't open a wound for you Bucky, I just want to understand more about you. I really like you," she says sweetly, but the sweetness is counteracted by the squeeze she does on my thigh, indicating she is swimming in thoughts of the past few days.
I smile and lean forward, kissing her slowly and passionately, letting my tongue wander over her lips slowly. I feel her moan into the kiss softly, holding onto the sleeve of my jacket.
The kiss breaks and she is trembling a little bit, but smiling.
"Is this whole thing moving way too fast? I really like you Bucky, I just don't want to scare you away or anything. I'm not normally this fast. To be honest you're my first real adult relationship of any kind and I am really inexperienced. I'm just going with the flow."
I breathe out slowly and watch her chew on her lip.
"It is really fast, and I can understand your position. I am more than willing to slow down and just focus on getting to know you, but to be honest...the other fun stuff has been..."
"Fun? I think so too," Emma blushes badly and I smile at her happily.
"Then we go with the flow," I ask.
"We go with the flow," Emma giggles and takes a sip of her drink, her eyes not breaking from mine as she does.
"Your turn, one want and one need," I say as I kiss her cheek then her jaw. Emma goes quiet in thought then smiles, looking like I scrambled her thoughts from me kissing her.
"I really want to break through my trauma like you have, finding a comfortable place to live with my bad memories and build new ones. Feel better about the person that I am mentally and physically, and be able to be vulnerable and strong without feeling like a weakling."
"That's a really great want, Emma, and the need?"
Emma's cheeks burn red as she looks into my eyes with such a look of love and caring and strength, and a new boldness I hadn't seen yet.
"The right person to guide me through that and be my partner through the good and bad."
I feel my chest ache for her as she speaks carefully. This is all happening so quickly, but it feels like it is supposed to happen. And yet, my fears of letting her down surround me, not wanting to let her fall in the process. Then I get a thought.
"I'm gonna call my therapist to get some advice from her."
Emma looks at me confused, "wait why?"
"You and I are going to get you some help, we are going to figure this out together, get you your want started," I say smiling. Emma smiles and hugs me tight, starting to sob as she holds onto me.
"Hey don't cry, doll. Tonight we are going to have fun, and worry about the heavy stuff later," I smile and I pull her back, wiping the tears from her eyes gently.
"Come on, let's dance, beautiful," I say as I stand and put my hand out to her. She takes my hand and I kiss it softly before dragging her out to the dance floor. I haven't danced since the 40s, so this was bound to be a disaster, but I don't care, I just wanna see Emma smile and enjoy herself. I just know that Emma has me in a weird trance and I am, as we agreed, going with the flow.
Emma giggles happily as we find a place amongst the other couples and we start to dance. The song playing has a country twang to it, the singer talking about how much it hurts so good to be dancing and spending time with his girl.
I smile and follow Emma's moves as she really gets into it, I spin her and twirl her to the music, hearing her laugh as I pull her back in. She rubs against the front of me as her hips move, kissing me before I spin her again and dip her, feeling so fucking happy watching her have fun.
'Can't really dance' my ass, Emma I chuckle and think to myself. Maybe she is just finally really being able to let loose and just embrace some of the more fun things like dancing. I would have loved to take her out dancing before the war, I bet the two of us would have had the time of our lives.
We dance to a few more songs then decide to take a break, both of us breathing a little heavily but grinning from ear to ear.
"I'll be right back," Emma smiles and heads off to the restroom, leaving me with a peck on the lips. I grin more and go back to the table where Sam is standing there waiting.
"Where in the hell did you learn to dance like that?"
"I don't know, I was just following Emma's moves," I laugh. I didn't realize Sam was watching us in any way and now my embarrassment sinks in some.
"I don't think I've ever seen her smile like that, or dance at all. Or you for that matter," Sam says curiously, a stupid grin on his face almost as stupid and cheesy as the one I'm wearing. "I cannot believe that you can move the way that you do, the White Panther has rhythm."
"White Wolf. I don't know what else you want me to say, Feathers. I am enjoying my time with her. And I think I figured a way to help her with her trauma."
"Just be careful opening that door man, she may need more help than she realizes. Don't start what you can't finish."
"Finish what," Emma asks as she hops back into view at the table, smiling sweetly.
"Finish this night off right," Sam smiles and offers her his hand before they go dance. I smile and sit and watch them slow dance and talk and laugh quietly. My super soldier hearing kicks in a little as I watch them.
"He's been so sweet and caring, Sam. I really like him."
"I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high. He's got a lot of trauma and things from his own past he's been working on, just like you do. I'm also kind of worried about the pace you two are moving."
"I know but maybe we could help one another. Sam, I am happier than I have been in a long, LONG time. And I want to see where this goes. Even if nothing happens I will feel lucky that I get to spend my time with both of you, you as my team lead and him as my partner. And even if nothing romantic happens, I still like having him as a partner so far."
"Don't get me wrong Emma, he really is a great guy once you get to know him...I just don't want either of you to get hurt."
"I know what I'm doing. Will you release big brother mode and trust me please? If I want out I will let him know, and I'm sure he will let me know if he wants that too. For right now, I'm going to have fun and whatever happens, happens."
I see Sam hug her and look at her concerned.
"Just take your time and be patient while you're having fun. You have time."
"Thank you, Sam. And thank you for helping me get to this point, I feel great things ahead."
"Me too, I can't wait for you to meet everyone tomorrow."
"Me neither. You and Bucky may need to help me keep my cool. The nerd you met a long time ago may just resurface in an embarrassing way."
Emma and Sam laugh and I smile to myself at that. I take a tequila shot and sit more comfortably as they come back over.
"Hey, you okay," Emma asks me softly as she sits back down with me.
"You know what? I'm great," I smile and kiss her deeply. Emma looks taken aback but smiles all the same as I pull away from her and just stare at her.
"You wanna dance some more," she asks blushing badly, a rock song starting to play loudly throughout the bar.
"Why not, what is this song," I ask her as she pulls me out onto the dance floor. I see Sam find that woman from before and he starts to dance with her this time.
"This is 'I Was Made For Lovin' You' by KISS," Emma smiles and she starts to move her hips along with the music, biting her lip as she looks at me and pulls me close by my jacket. The seductive look on her face makes me fold for her and kiss her eagerly. She turns with her back to me, but she is still moving her hips to the music and extremely close to me, and holy shit is it hot. Her hands go up around my neck, one hand on the back of my neck, the other on my cheek as she keeps dancing in front of me, and I just let my hands wander all over her sides and hips. I definitely need to remember this song for later, if it ever leaves my mind, which is doubtful now. Emma's confidence in my arms as she grinds against me to the song is intoxicating as hell. As I hold her from behind, I lean down and kiss her, the two of us dancing sexually and making out as the song plays.
"You're trouble, and I really like this song," I smirk against her lips.
"You seem to bring it out in me because I'm not normally like this," Emma giggles softly and kisses me again.
"I like the sweet and shy, and the seductive and fierce Emma," I growl in her ear as the song ends.
"Taking mental note, sir," she moans softly. There's that address again, 'sir.' I feel myself getting hard in my jeans as she turns in my arms.
I look over at Sam and he is extremely occupied by the girl he found and I pull Emma back to the secluded table we have in the back of the bar. I notice Emma biting her lip as I pull her back over to it. I order us a few more drinks before pulling her into my lap in the booth seat and kiss her slowly. I feel her fingers in my hair as we start to make out again, my own hands holding onto her for dear life as we lose each other in the moment and keep drinking. It would be amazing to feel buzzed or drunk and making out with Emma, but this serum renders that impossible unless it is Asgardian liquor, which there are no Asgardians in the vicinity to be able to do that. This slow, sensual make out session is amazing, and it is all I need at the moment to feel Emma. I feel like a teenager again right now and at any moment, parents will burst in the room and bust us for getting handsy.
Emma pulls me out of my lovesick trance, "air, sir. I need air."
"I'm sorry doll, it's been awhile since I've been able to do this kind of thing with a girl," I admit, a little embarrassed.
"You're the first person I've ever really wanted to do it with so easily and no pressure so...learning curve, I guess," she blushes badly. Fuck, she's so innocent and I feel like I'm corrupting her sometimes...most of the time it feels really hot to corrupt and seduce this gorgeous young woman. I sit there and stare at her as she takes a sip of her drink and then some water.
"What is it...?"
"You're gorgeous, doll," I say with a smile and kiss her again. She still doesn't seem like she fully believes me, but that's okay, I plan on helping her see it.
"You're really handsome," Emma says and runs her fingers over my beard softly with a look of contentment on her face.
Sam eventually comes back over to the table and shakes his head at the two of us as we are just sitting there staring at one another. The girl he was hanging out with must have had to leave.
"What are you two doing?"
"Just enjoying the night," Emma smiles and kisses his cheek as she sits in between the two of us in the booth.
The three of us sit and talk for awhile longer, the bar starting to empty as the night gets later. We start playing a questions game as we sit and wind down for the night.
"Okay, most memorable year or moment so far," Sam asks curiously.
Emma smiles and looks lost in thought for a bit.
"Most memorable moment had to be the end of 2023 and going into 2024, when everyone came back. I was just getting done with my volunteer work in New Asgard, and I got to see the old compound where the battle took place. Seeing the peoples' reaction to the battle, the debris, the sacrifice, just everything that happened to make sure that everyone returned safely to earth. I stood where Tony Stark stood, where so many of you all stood and cried with people that had no real concept of what happened. After that Sam called me and asked if I needed a job, said that you guys just got done dealing with a clown who thought he could be Captain Rogers and you were looking for new team members. People that believed in everything the original Avengers started fighting for."
Emma breathes out slowly and blushes deeply as Sam and I look at her, feeling the emotion and reasons that she feels this way.
"How about you Sam?"
"No question, standing up for the first time in public as Captain America. It was a major head rush, everyone seeing and hearing what I had to say and what the shield means to me. I hope Steve would have been proud."
I smile and chuckle, "Steve would have been standing on your left smiling proudly, and probably really glad Walker was taken out of the picture. US Agent was a disaster."
Sam and Emma laugh softly, "okay Bucky, most memorable year or moment," Emma asks smiling.
I rub the back of my head and sit back as I think.
"I have several honestly, but the one that gets me the most is hearing the words 'you are free' from Ayo. All the hard work I put in during my time in Wakanda to get Hydra out of my head, finally paid off with those three little words. It was enough to light a fire under my ass and keep pushing to be better every day. And put up with Sam and Redwing for the last year," I chuckle and toss a bottle cap at him playfully.
Emma and Sam laugh again and they both put a hand on my shoulders as we all get one last toast in for the night.
"To...new opportunities," Emma says putting her bottle up smiling.
"To a new team," Sam says and does the same. I smile and put my bottle out too.
"To new chapters, no matter how jagged they may be," I say and we all clink our bottles together and finish our drinks.
We decide to head home and all head back to the car, worn out but happy. I get Emma in the backseat and take the passenger seat again as we head back home.
The ride back to the house is quiet except for the radio, Sam listening to some rap music as he drives, Emma looking out the window as she sits in the backseat behind me. The atmosphere in the car is a calm and happy one, but unsure of what the next mission road will be like once we reach the compound tomorrow.
There is a lot happening in a very short amount of time, and I am not fully sure how Emma is handling it as well as she is. There is just a chance however that she is able to compartmentalize certain things better than others. Especially working in the line of work that she has, I am sure there are many situations where she has had to disassociate to some degree to get a job done or to just get through a day without falling apart. The military life can be like that sometimes. I know how thankful that I am to be able to share some of my experiences with Sam as we have worked together, since he understands as much about it as I do. I decide to talk to him about Emma some more the next time that we have a free moment when Emma is not around, but maybe we can include her in the conversation too.
"Hey Sam can I ask you something," I ask as I look back and see Emma has her headphones in and is not paying any attention.
"Shoot, Buck."
"Does Emma normally move this fast with things? Not just relationships, but things in general?"
"Honestly no, she's very thoughtful and rational about everything she does. She is very headstrong and can get herself in trouble, but when it comes to things that matter, she is very careful and guarded. That's why I am sort of surprised by what's been going on between you two lately."
"Do you think it's a mistake?"
"Not unless you hurt her. I'm sorry, Buck, you're my friend, but she is my sister."
"I know. I won't hurt her, I don't know what it is about her but I feel like I have lost all rationale to not be with anyone. She makes me feel like I don't have to be so guarded and angry and worried about my past."
"That's good right?"
"I think so, I honestly am just going with the flow and following her lead. I don't plan on pushing her in any way."
"Well good. Just make sure to think things through too, going with the flow can end in bad ways too."
"I know. I told her I don't want this to be some fling, and she doesn't want that either. This feels so dumb to say after only two days but...I really like her."
Sam doesn't say anything, he just keeps driving, and that's okay. I don't really expect him to be okay with the arrangement right now after how quickly it has escalated, but I intend on making sure that Emma and I slow down on this. We can't keep going too fast or whatever we have won't last.
We finally pull back into the garage and I am pulled out of my thoughts as I go to get out and see Emma is fast asleep in the back seat with her headphones on.
"I'll get her," I say and carefully unbuckle her, take the headphones out of her ears gently, and lift her out of the car. She is just awake enough to adjust in my arms and rest her head on my shoulder as I carry her inside.
"Goodnight Bucky, goodnight Emma, see you guys in the morning," Sam says and heads to his room.
"Night, Feathers."
"Goodnight Sam, love you brother," Emma says softly and sleepily. I see Sam smile softly at her then gives me a stern look, big brother to a fault. I can't say that I blame him. I would have been the same way with my sister. Rebecca was just as much of a pistol as Emma though too and I had to remember that she knew how to handle herself better than most from that time.
I carry Emma up carefully and go to take her to her room, but get a different idea just as I open the door to the bedroom. I don't know how this is going to go, but I am yet again, going with the flow. I open the door to my room instead and take her to the bed and lay her down gently. She moans softly as I let go of her.
"Can you find something for me to put on, these jeans are not the comfiest," she asks sleepily. I smile and kiss her forehead and go to her room, finding a pair of shorts and a T-shirt sitting just in her duffel bag she hadn't fully unpacked yet. I come back with them and she is standing up undressing in my bathroom, right now only in a bra and panties.
"Oh, hey, here," I blush and hand her the clothes. I bite my lip and turn my back so that she can change real quick.
"Oh thank you, Bucky. You don't have to turn around you know, we have seen each other in some pretty compromising positions already," she smiles, still tired and trying to stay awake long enough to change. I smile and kiss her cheek gently as I turn away from her, emphasizing my desire to be respectful. I get changed into sweats and a T-shirt too and I grab my pillow and blanket from the pallet in my living area. When I come back, Emma is stumbling into the bedroom again, and I catch her.
"You okay?"
"Yeah just tired," she giggles, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol and she's smiling happily like there's not a care in the world anymore. I lift her and set her back in the bed, then get my side situated. I stand there at the edge of the bed for a minute, not really sure why I'm doing this. I start to sweat a little, not having slept in this bed since I've been here. I start to pace quietly as I contemplate getting in the bed with her or taking a place on the floor on her side of the bed. I chew on the inside of my lip as I keep pacing for a few minutes, and finally make a decision. I grab my pillow from the little pallet I slept on in the living room and come back into the bedroom and lay the pillow on my side.
I wipe my face and I see Emma turn to face me as she is laying there, eyes closed and looking so comfortable and safe. She looks so peaceful and I can't think of any other reasons not to lay in the bed with her, even if I am not able to sleep fully.
I let out a deep breath and I pull back this side of the covers and get in with her slowly so I don't bother her. I hear her hum softly as I get laid down, she immediately curls up against me, she is so warm and cozy. My heart feels like it is pounding in my ears as I lay there, not really wanting to be in a bed. Every bed feels so different since I've been here, and I'm still not used to it. I am so used to sleeping in hiding on a cold hard floor, or in a cell in Hydra bases on a cold hard floor. I breathe out again slowly as I let myself get as comfortable as I can get, liking the feel of Emma laying with me in my arms and trying to focus on that feeling.
I wrap myself around her softly and kiss the top of her head gently as I drift to sleep.
There are no nightmares for the first time in a very long time. There's no train, no missing arm, no blood, no fear. I do not get put in a terrifying chair and my brains scrambled, I do not fall off that train, I do not kill Stark's parents, I do not attack people. I am just Bucky Barnes and I am 107 years old, former Winter Soldier with my arms wrapped around one of the most interesting and beautiful women that I have ever come across in my life. In a bed. With a girl.