Caught in Storms

Something New

-Bucky-
I stay in the tub with Emma, just watching over her and holding her when she starts to cry again in her sleep. I feel a chip of my heart fall away every time she falls apart, knowing that she is having some seriously bad dreams as she lays in my arms. I know that feeling of being helpless and not fully knowing why, other than something bad happened to you and others around you.
I surprise myself right now, as I don't know why I've gravitated to her so quickly, barely knowing her and now I shared something so intimate and deep with her. Especially after how we met, I knew I was going to like her, she has spunk I haven't seen in a woman before, pulling a gun on me. But I didn't expect this to hit me this way, she's so young and innocent, and there's something about her that makes me want to be around her. Watching the way she handled herself tonight too before she got into that torture chamber was electric though too. She fights like a warrior and it is so hard not to get lost in her movements.
Something bad happened though tonight and I don't know what to think or feel about it. I have a slight change of mind about having her work with us, only because of how severe this panic attack was. She's a great fighter and is awesome to watch, but there was something about this mission that hit her wrong and it worries me.
I rub my face and breathe deeply, trying to understand the events of the night. I noticed her acting weird during the briefing and she saw the mugshots of Rafferty, but I wasn't sure what it was. When Sam told me to take her home, I noticed him angrily realizing something about the warehouse and he threw a chair across the room.
I know I have a hell of a temper sometimes, but Sam almost never loses his cool like that, so it worries me greatly. What also is worrying me is what the hell is going on with me towards Emma.
Emma, something really bad triggered you, didn't it? I look down at her and notice she is still crying quietly in her sleep. I gently wipe away her tears with my free hand. I look her over as best as I can, her bright blonde hair is almost dry now and it's getting stuck to my wet clothing as she lays there. I rub her back gently, just trying to give her any amount of comfort that I can as she cries in her sleep.
After awhile, I hear Sam get back and calling our names, and as he gets to the door I shush him as quietly as I can without waking Emma.
Sam finds us in the tub, and he stands there stunned. He also looks pissed at me, and I'm sure I can tell what he's thinking as he looks at me holding her near naked in the shower.
"You didn't."
"No, Sam I didn't. She had a panic attack when we got here and I helped her shower and get her breathing under control."
Sam sighs in relief. What the hell kind of person does he think I am?? He comes over and carefully lifts her up out of the tub and takes her to her bed. He lays her down and tucks her in as I grab a towel and duck in my room to change real quick. Once I'm done, I head downstairs to find Sam in the workroom, going over the files again and again with the mugshots.
I grab us both a glass and a bottle of scotch.
"Do I get to know what the hell happened tonight or do I have homework?"
Sam takes the drink and downs it hard, then sighs angrily as he leans over the table. The mugshot and dossier of the man that attacked Emma is spread out along the table.
"Emma has been through it, man. She was 'raised' in that really messed up part of Brooklyn by drug dealer parents. They would...they would accept all different forms of payment from bad people that wanted to do things to Emma in her early years. We always thought there was more to the story, but we haven't been able to figure it out because she disassociated so hard as she was growing up. I'm sure the torture has a lot to do with that too. And this Benjamin Rafferty guy isn't giving anything up either," Sam explains and trails off.
My chest starts to hurt as he explains, remembering my own struggles with Hydra and being a prisoner, and the room we found Emma in tonight. It was hard and cold, angry and torturous just to be in there. I can only imagine what it looks like in action...
"I didn't know it was the same warehouse she was rescued from, she was only 12 and she was so deep in her head. When she was rescued they realized she was so far disassociated that she could barely remember her name. The man that grabbed her in there was her handler of sorts, the one who would oversee—"
"I get it, Sam," I growl, accidentally crushing my glass with my metal hand. I notice Sam look at me weird as I pick up the glass shards. He can sense something in the way I act about Emma and he's not wrong. This young woman in pain is killing me. I've only known her in person a few hours, but the way Sam has talked about her and told me stories, it's like I've known her forever. I am sort of angry at how quickly I've dropped my guard with her too, I didn't expect to be so affected by her, but I couldn't seem to help it, and still can't. Cold, hard, and calculated Bucky is not sticking around when she's in the room.
"Does Emma know about all of this and what else do I need to know and do to help her," I ask sharply.
"Well whatever you did tonight seemed to work. I've never seen her sleep so peacefully after an attack before. I don't know how much she remembers, she doesn't really talk about it. Every time she starts to she panics and I have to try to calm her down. Sarah is better at it. I do think that we need to try to talk to her about everything once we get to the compound though. Let me ask you this though; why did you help her like that?"
My breath catches in my throat at the question. I start to think of Hydra again, and everything that they put me through for so long. Instead of seeing myself in the chair, I see Emma, screaming and begging for help with no one to pull her out. She may not have been captured by Hydra, but her life is very similar to my own, but she went through it at a younger age, which is much more damaging.
"No one should have to endure what we have," I say softly. "Fuck, she's a kid that got dealt a shitty hand in childhood. And I want to make sure she's not alone, I know how lonely it can be to be in your head for so long the way she has. She's one hell of a fighter, and I want to be her partner, I just think tonight was bad luck that we started with this mission."
Sam stands there quietly and thinks about what I said. He uncrosses his arms and walks over to me.
"You got it bad, don't you?"
I look at him confused for a minute, then understand what he means. She snuck her way into my heart, and we only officially met today. Sam has been talking about her so much though, that I feel like I've known her forever. She's military, strong and bright, funny and sweet, feisty and fun as hell, from what all the stories Sam has told me. She's fucking beautiful too, just gorgeous. And goddamn can she kick ass as I saw tonight, but she is fragile behind closed doors. Like me. I breathe out slowly and hang my head as I realize Sam is right.
"I don't know, Sam. We just met but...she's great already. We fit well as a team too, she's got this ease about her that makes me feel comfortable."
"I knew you two would hit it off, but pace yourself man, she is a lot to handle sometimes. Especially with the trauma, she's gonna need guidance and more, not just a fling."
"What kind of person do you think I am?"
"When it comes to dating, I don't know. You haven't seemed to find anyone that piqued your interest. Until now at least."
I sigh exhaustedly and wonder why we are talking about this together.
"Look, Bucky all I'm saying is to be patient and go her pace. If you don't, I'm sure she will take matters into her own hands and make what Hydra did look like a joke," Sam says and shakes his head. He's right, and I need to try really hard to not let my emotions get the better of me and push her too far.
I chuckle softly and stand up straight, rubbing my face and sighing. I pour myself another drink and finish up my reports, just thinking about Emma and this new arrangement. Sam was right, we needed another person here to balance the two of us. Emma is a little bit like both of us, and with her around things feel easier. Despite what happened tonight, I think that this is going to be a majorly good thing having her here.
I finally get done with the paperwork I needed to do and I get my files put away. Sam is still working on his and doing something to RedWing when I down my drink and stand up from the work table.
"I'm going to bed, Sam."
"Night, Bucky," he says and gets his gear off as I leave.
I head upstairs to my room and start to get settled for the night, turning on the TV and getting in my cot on the floor. I find that I don't really sleep well without some sort of noise like a TV or music. Everything ends up being too loud in the quiet and I don't get any sleep period.
I rack my brain over everything today that happened. I decide in the morning I'm going to look more into the Gunrunners and how it started, especially with all the management being in one place at the same time. That kind of thing doesn't normally happen with this city-based crime rings, management needs to be spread to work.
My mind drifts to Emma, and I feel embarrassment and nervousness. She's so young and innocent feeling to me. I know she's 26, but there is a youth, strength and beauty to her that I didn't expect and it is disarming. Especially now knowing what she has been through, I feel an overwhelming urge to protect her, and beat the shit out of anyone who ever harmed her.
I get up and decide to check on her, opening the door to her room carefully. She is still exactly as we left her, wrapped in her blankets and crying softly in her sleep. I see her busted lip and black eye and wince hard, grabbing an ice pack and a hand towel to wrap it in.
When we were in the shower earlier, I noticed so many healed scars all over her back and some on her legs. The fresh cuts and bruises were from her fighting tonight, but those scars were things she's hiding all the time. I noticed her wearing jeans and a hoodie, likely trying to hide them. I do the same thing with my arm and gloves. I'm never sure how anyone will react to the arm outside of mission situations.
I pull a chair up to her bed and periodically place the ice pack on her eye as she sleeps, trying to get the swelling down. It gets a little better over time, but it's probably going to be black for a little while, Rafferty hit her hard.
Emma finally shifts in her sleep and mumbles softly, the crying finally subsided. I pull the chair closer and rest my head on the edge of her bed and nod off, just listening to her breathing as I find my own bad dreams.