-"¡callarse la boca!" -"Hazme."

SunSun: The sound of becoming human

The clock reads 6:32 PM, an unbelievably quiet evening for a Monday. Sunghoon turns around, careful that his feet do not touch the floor as he spins while remaining seated on his swivel chair, it creaked mechanically as it came to a stop. It was a calculated spin, he knew that his eyes would land on the scenery outside; he fluttered his eyes as he steadied his vision from the haze that the spinning did and savored in the mirage of lights flickering from the window of his condo unit; red, orange, yellow and green–painting the abstract of the city bustle, thirty six floors beneath him.

He takes in a deep breath and circled his eyes around the four corners of his room; it was an involuntary reflex of his brain to contrast the teeming concrete jungle against the monotone of whites found in his room; the misty white of his walls, the arctic white tone of his ceiling down to the depressing white of the crumpled tissues on top of his unkempt bed.

He sniffled a defeated chuckle from the remains of the “session” he had from twenty minutes ago, the montage of the steam he single-handedly curated to relieve himself, flashed before his head as if to recap the bliss that he was in. Him touching himself, the heat of his palm comforting his cold and sweaty skin, his toes curling from pleasure, the huffs of air as he jacks himself off, in chorus with the background moans from the ASMR channel he has habitually listened to whenever he concedes to his earthly pleasures.

Sunghoon shakes his head, sporting the dejected smile he is unaware that is plastered on his face, he stood up, his oversized pullovers covering the nakedness from his waist down and unconsciously wriggled his sock-covered toes before picking up the crumpled tissues he used to clean after his orgasm. It was fun while it lasted and now, he is emptier. It is pathetic…he is convinced that he is pathetic.

Sunghoon grew up in California and went back to his mother’s hometown after his parents’ divorce, saving him the hassle of choosing which parent he was willing to live with. He is not bitter from the divorce at all, more like he is indifferent. He is happy that both of his parents have found their new partners but the thought of living together with another stranger is far too much for his recluse way of living.

And now he is here, living a semblance of independence in a foreign land that he has slowly gotten used to. Sure, he made some friends here and there with his almost three years of stay but his aloofness has disappointed the “homegrowns”, for the lack of word, of the preconception that foreign-raised people are outgoing, extroverted and even wild.

If only they know.

Sunghoon has always loved music and the sound of nature, reason enough for him to pursue formal studies by taking up a degree in Music Production. He can often be seen in his college alone with his wired earphones always stuck in his ear, probably blasting the music of Remo Drive, The Districts or when he’s feeling a little sensual, he’d be binging on Toe. Music has always been his pleasure; he has never been outwardly emotional but with music he gets to express his constipation in a less complex way. It makes him feel things that he thought would be impossible for him to experience.

Being the audiophile that he is, he always made it a point to explore every possible genre out there; his playlist is so comprehensive that even Film majors outsource him for consultations in curating soundtracks for their production. He has explored every possible content-hosting site for music and it isn’t a surprise for him to come across this certain ASMR channel. It wasn’t new, ASMR that is, but its prefix “ERO” is.