Changes

Chapter Ten

Luz

A shock, electrifying, sent straight to the brain and right into the nervous system; spreading, infecting, every part of me. I couldn't quite process what I had done yet because of the surge I received from the feelings coming to me all at once. My mind was everywhere, but I had been placed in some sort of unmoving state as everything came to process slowly. Until I felt hands traveling up my arms and fingers gripping my hair pulling me closer. My body pulled toward another's.

That's when everything comes flooding back, my blood running cold; everything standing still. Amity Blight's lips were moving with mine. Amity Blight's hands were pulling me close. Amity Blight's warmth was surrounding me. Amity Blight was making me feel this way. My hands went from where they were placed on her face to her shoulders where I pushed her away.

We both pulled back breathing heavily. We stared at one another as our shocked faces slowly turned into horror. Everything was coming back to me far faster than I had been prepared to process as I remember what led up to this. The events before this moment; the laughing that turned into arguing, the arguing that turned into a screaming, the screaming turning into something else, and that something else I'll give no name to being the most unexpected. And as I felt my heart beat heavily in my chest my mind began to drift.

I thought of how my rage had built to a point of breaking, yet that breaking resulted in what I had done. The stupid, idiotic, dumb, crazy thing that should never have happened between enemies. Even if during this encounter we were friendlier than our other interactions. This didn't excuse what I had done, what we had done. But this was not the first time I had kissed Amity Blight so impulsively. I had done it once before when we were younger yet still hated each other just as much.

But those thoughts left my mind as I was brought back to the current moment where I had made the same mistake for the second time. Only I had been older now and I should have known better. I stared at her with wide eyes and she stared back just the same. I had tried to say something but my mouth kept opening and closing. What was I going to say? Hey Blight, sorry for kissing you out of nowhere, hope this doesn't make things awkward. My mind was overworking as I was stuck in a state of panic-induced shock yet what I knew for certain is how angry I was with myself.

You never think things through, do you? You just act on thoughts or feelings or whatever it is that drives you and look where that leads you. Every time you go down this road with her it only leads to disaster! So when are you finally going to learn? When are you going to make a decision to keep her at a distance and stick to it? It made me start to question things because I had kissed her but she...she kissed me back. No. I had to bury everything; my feelings, my thoughts, and my past. All of it had to be buried deep down so it can never surface again. 

I had to make that choice for myself. It would never work out in the end. Being close to her never did.  I closed and opened my hands at my sides trying to fight off the feeling that lingered from the contact. Where I had placed them on her face and pulled her toward me. I could do it; I could shake the feeling, shake her, I've done it before. Just get my mind off of it, off of her.

My eyes drifted towards the window displaying the world outside this moment. Rain; falling, dripping, changing the environment, and coating it with a dull undertone. It seemed fitting, the weather in its current condition when considering the events that had played out just now. Rain, in its unpredictability, summed up the situation perfectly. Shaking, I saw my hands shaking from all the emotions I was feeling now. Shoving them down wasn't working, not with the state of mind I had been in at this moment.

I had done something that brought everything so out of focus. As result, I was stuck without words, chasing away the memory from crawling back into my mind without my permission. Chancing a glance back at Amity I saw that she was just as lost. Her hair was still dripping and her hands were gripping the bottom of her shirt tightly as indicated by the white of her knuckles.