Changes

Chapter Seventeen

Amity

Change, it's what I wanted, it's what I needed, and I had been getting it in unexpected ways. Who am I kidding? Sure I was experiencing some differences in my life but that didn't mean I could consider them as changes. At least not big ones anyway. And if my life really was changing then I wouldn't be stuck in the same position I was in before. Because I still wasn't brave enough or strong enough to say what I wanted to say.

I can't say I'm the only one because I've overheard my mother speaking to my sister. She'd had far less freedom than I knew and far more grievances too. And where I believed she'd been free going off to college what I neglected to realize was why she'd been going. It wasn't to pursue her dream of going into the medical field. No, she was going for a degree in business. Emira, far from this house, had still been just as stuck as I was. In part, I had been far less numb to it than I was before. This bothered me and coping was no longer an option anymore.

Tonight I was far smarter knowing I could not get out of this one. Attending was not my choice to make. Maybe it had been better not to argue before but I had been finding it much more difficult than before not to do so. Though I knew there was no way to get my mother to cave.

So there I sat once again though this time I had been at a table in front of my mother trying to act a part I didn't want to play anymore. When I was young it had been different but I was not a kid anymore. My mother had sat before me giving me a familiar lecture I could almost recite at this point. This Gala had been about making connections like before however this time we were also looking to make business deals. Another way to ensure protection over the Blight name like every other time. Nothing particularly new here. Nothing much had changed.

"Dear, you need to focus on what's important in life." She shot me a look from across the table and even though we'd been mostly at eye level it felt as if she was looking down at me. "You've been shifting your attention to things that are nonsequential. I thought I raised my daughter to be smarter than that." As these words left her I felt my jaw clench tightly. Even so, regardless of my effort to hold my tongue, I felt the words slip passed my lips anyway.

"I'm sorry that I'm not the daughter you had in mind." I felt my entire body tense once I realized what I did. My eyes grew wide as I dared to lift them and meet with my mothers'. She did not look happy with what I said however she somehow managed to remain poised.

"I understand that you are young and wish your life was different Mittens. You have every right to pursue things that you desire. However," she paused, "that in no way means you should start to slip up on your responsibilities." She looked at me with a dead stare. "This is a family business and unless you wish to not be a part of this family you must act as if you care for our future." Her words stung and yet she continued as if it had been nothing.

"You seem to forget how hard your father and I have worked to achieve the success we have. How hard we've worked so that you can live comfortably. How hard we've worked so that you may have a guaranteed future without hardships or struggle." Her expression softened a fraction. "I did all of this for you and though I can be hard on you sometimes I am still your mother. I have your best interest at heart even if you believe that I don't." Then her face returned to one a mother wore when they scolded their kids for doing something wrong. 

"You are free to do whatever you wish but do be back before the Gala starts to get ready." She seemed to swallow hard before looking off to the side distantly. Her words struck a chord within me and I felt a pang of pain in my heart. She always knew how to turn it around on me and it hurt. My eyes then started to search for something but I had no idea what I was looking for.

I felt everything start to settle in and all I needed was air. I stood from my chair suddenly and left the room as my mother called out to me. Though I took my sister's keys from a table next to the door and hopped in her car without much thought as I reacted however my mind led me to. I had driven with no particular destination in mind. My eyes were shifting all around yet I still had no clue what for. I just needed to leave and go somewhere I'd feel better, safer even, to let out my feelings. My mind didn't know where to go, but my heart did, and I took the roads to get me there.