Changes

Chapter Thirty-Three

Luz

"We're so bad at this," I whispered through laughter.

"I don't think so. See? Look at this!" My mom exclaimed and I watched as the tin foil fell, the weird crumpled-up piece resembling something indistinguishable.

"What is it supposed to be?" I asked, raising a brow in joking concern.

"It's uh...Well, it's uh...Yeah, I have no idea what it is if I'm being honest." She said before laughing to herself. "I should have suggested a different bonding activity for us before I took you to school huh?" She raised a brow and I felt my smile grow softer.

"No, I..." I trailed finishing the swan before pushing it towards her. She took it into her hand and watched it with a fond smile. "I remember I used to do it all the time. Then Dad would join in and we'd make an army on the table." I said while allowing my mind to wander to the memories such brought me.

"It was all fun and games until both you two and the "Good Kingdom of Swania" declared war on me." She pointed an accusing finger at me. "I was convinced for years that I still had some of that syrup stuck in my hair." She grouched jokingly though her smile fell as she watched me stare off in solemn thought.

"Mom, do you think it will ever get any easier?" I asked her quietly.

"Do I think what will get any easier?" Her face shifted to something more serious. The tone of the conversation changed along with her expression.

"Life; figuring out what's right, carrying the weight of the things that burden us, feeling like I never do anything right, missing dad..." I stopped listing things after I'd mentioned Dad. "I miss him, Mom. I miss him so much." I choked up and she got up from her chair and rushed forward to pull me into a hug.

"I know it hurts. Life...living it is no easy task. And I understand how you feel, I felt it all too. Because as hard as it is to be enough for others, it's even harder to be enough for yourself." Her arms tightened around me and I took in a breath through my nose to fight back the tears threatening to leave my eyes. "But I am very proud of the person you've grown to be." She told me before pulling back and brushing some of my hair from my face. "I miss your father every day. I wonder if I made the right decision moving us here. And I question whether I am making the best choices for you in his absence." She said as her face fell in thought and pain before she continued.

"Your father will always be a part of us no matter what happens. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Don't put pressure on yourself with doubt because that is what makes you human." She told me before sitting in the chair next to mine so she could remain closer to me.

"Change can be scary and letting go of the past can be hard," I told her while looking off to the side and avoiding her eyes. "But you were right when you said how that didn't mean it had to be a bad thing." I looked back at her and smile as I went on. "Change can be good and I can take parts of my past with me yet still move on from things. I just have to take some of those things with me." I admitted and started to feel better, and more hopeful, immediately after.

"When did you get so mature?" My mom asked me with a look in her eyes I couldn't read.

"I think it's just part of growing up Mom," I commented lightheartedly and her gaze grew softer.

"Well, you're growing up too fast for me. I feel old." She said before standing up and grabbing her things. "My little girl isn't so little anymore." She said while wiping a fake tear away and it led me to think about time and its importance. Time flies fast and I wanted nothing more than for it to slow down.