NEVER

26.

how can a blank stare hold so many emotions ? it wasn't hard to tell that solace was trying to hide his feelings from me.

i couldn't stop my stomach from burning with nausea while i stared at him, sprawled out on his bed with his gaze fixated on the ceiling. the only movement he made was to take a pull from his cigarette.

why does he worry me so much ?

i couldn't let him go through this by himself, i knew this situation all too well, this was a time you need someone the most.

"how long you're gonna stand there for ?" my eyes widened once solace's voice pulled me from my thoughts. he sat up and stared at me with a confused expression. i know i looked like a creep, peering at him from the side of the door....what a joke. "come here...."

i embarrassingly trailed my way to him and fell to his side. resting my head on his lap, i clung onto his waist as if he was leaving me and i was begging him to stay.

"what's wrong angel, why you're crying ?" inhaling deeply, my hands held him tighter as i felt my tears spill like a running waterfall. i couldn't imagine what was going through his mind right now, that thought alone broke me, to the point where i just couldn't speak. "did i do something wrong ?"

i shook my head.

"aina...."

"i-i'm just so worried about you, solace...." placing his hand on my head, solace chuckled lightly. "everything with us on social media, a-all the cruel things people keep saying about you, i hate it so muchh....i-i wanna try my best to help you, i don't want you going through this alone." i practically sobbed.

"teh, don't cry angel. it's okay, i've been through worse. this shit isn't new to me."

i didn't think it was possible to cry harder than i was now. hearing him brush this to the side as if it was nothing, seemed to hurt me more than ever. no one should ever go 'it is what it is.' once you say it one too many times, it piles up and you'll eventually have enough.

lifting my head, my attention immediately caught the small smile that rested on his lips as he took slow pulls from his cigarette.

was this amusing to him ?

"i really care about you solace...." i sniffed, falling to the bed once he abruptly stood up. my eyes followed his tall and sturdy figure, watching as he went to ash his cigarette in his skull ashtray. "please listen to dixon and clear everything up, tell everyone to stop bothering you."

"no." shrugging lightly, solace walked to the end of the bed and pulled me up to where i sat on my knees. "yeah, this shit is too much for me but i did fight taj. niggas only talk shit about the things they see and what i've done in the past....at this point, it's inevitable. as long as you and everyone i'm close with knows the truth, i'm good. don't worry."

the pads of solace's thumbs gently wiped the tears off my soiled face and i couldn't help but to be mesmerized at how focused he was to catch every single tear that fell from my eyes. just watching him made my heart thumped profusely against my chest. the simplest things he does always captivates me.

to the point where i just forget about everything.

"s-solace, i have to tell you something.... " i hesitantly voiced, feeling his hands slide to the sides of my neck. the intense glare that appeared on his face killed my confidence and suddenly, i wanted to disappear.