It's us against the world

28 - resolved?

I wipe the tears from my eyes and begin to walk away.

"Jessica!"

I turn back, "its just. Since Jordan, I've never really been the same, she messed me up.
I cant trust the same. I cant love the same. I don't know how to believe that we can stick together.
It's just harder for me to let my walls down, I like to push people away when I feel im getting too close to them because, I'm sorry, I've already fallen deeply in love with you and I don't know if you're going to be different.

It's scary.

Before I knew you, I was, as Beth describes me, 'really grumpy all the time'. You changed me. Seeing you with your friends made me realise that I have to take those risks and be trusting to you if I want you in my life. I'm just so afraid."

"But Leah, life is scary. Love is scary. That's the point. Taking risks and not knowing where you're going to end up. I thought you knew that. You're big."

She smiles and wipes a tear from my cheek "im sorry, okay. Can you just understand my point of view and help me?"

I nod, slightly in reply "but you've got to let me help you understand your feelings and let me in, I cant help you if you're keeping your guard up."

She hugs me, drawing little circles on my back and letting me know that she loves me, but I don't hug her back. I need to feel her, I just let the rest of my tears run free into her chest.

"I had sex with you Leah. Sex." I quietly sob into her training top, creating a small wet patch where my face was.

"I know. I'm so sorry my love." She squeezes me tighter into her.

I bury my face into her neck and breathe in her scent, still with all my tears streaming.

As she strokes my hair away from me face, she adds as she looks down at me, "you know, seeing you with your friends also made me realise that there is no way out of my love for you and you're the only person I want to be with for the rest of my life, so you better be worth that whole damn speech and more."

I let out a small laugh which Leah is unamused by.

I sniffle and wipe the rest of the tears from my cheeks with my palms before resting my head back on her chest.

After a few minutes of silence I tell her "Leah, I cant be here anymore. I need to go back home. Can you drive me?"
She replies "of course, lets go."

We drove in silence, but not the awkward kind, the type that resolved issues and made you feel at home.

We get back to our house and I tell Leah to tell Jonas, I don't feel well, which was slightly the truth and she goes back to the training ground to finish off training for the day.

I run up to my room, lock the door and lay in my bed in tears for the rest of the time they were at training.

Before they get home I get into the shower still balling my eyes out, I put on my own clothes still crying and I cuddle up in my bed with my little teddy bear, still crying into a pillow.

I forgot to lock the door, I think to myself, it will be fine though because they will know not to come in.

I was wrong.

The lights turn on in my room and I wipe away the tears from my eyes as fast as I can, but its not fast enough.

Someone gets into my bed with me and wraps their long arms around me, radiating heat.

I huff at them "go away!"

They don't let go but instead say "I'm sorry."

I look at them, out the corner of my eye and reply "Leah, I said go away, im not in the mood. I want to be alone."
She just hugs me tighter "I'm sorry okay, I shouldn't have acted like that. That way like a child not getting their own way. I guess- I guess I just got a bit jealous of you and your friends, because I love you so fucking much, you don't even know it.
I don't know, I- I thought- I just felt you were avoiding me, it looked easy with them.
You looked relaxed with them. You seem tense with me, I want you to relax."

I wait a couple seconds before responding "I'm not angry ok, im just upset that you didn't give me a real reason before. And its just so hard to be relaxed with you, im scared I'll do something wrong and you will break up with me.
I will try and be more relaxed from now on, okay. I promise."

I turn over to face her "and yes I was avoiding you, but only because I cant trust my friends around you. They'll say something stupid or embarrassing about me to you.
It's not worth you knowing these things about me."

She smiles "but if we're going to be together forever then I'll one day know these little bits."
I blush at this and hug tighter into her, then she asks "are we all cleared up here now? We're good?"
I nod "yes Leah. All good. Now can you respectfully fuck off, I need some time to myself."

I'm still slightly mad with her for doing this to me, but I won't let her know that. She apologised to me and I forgave her. That's all she needs to do for her actions. If I just process everything that has just happened, hopefully, it will get better.

She gets up, not saying a word.
She's about to close the door when she says "by the way, I met your friends today and they seemed super nice. Nothing embarrassing said about you, apart from the fact you always told them how much of a big fat crush you had on me.
Oh- and they dropped off your clothes. I'll bring them up to you." She really emphasised the 'fat' making her smirk the smuggest smirk I've seen to date.
I turn over, obviously my friends would have to tell her I had a massive crush on her.

What a way to make her ego even bigger than it already is.

"Bye, Leah."

I lay there, still clutching tightly onto my teddy, slightly drifting off to sleep and before I knew it, I was completely out cold.

Leah comes up shortly after, not realising I am sleeping, so comes cautiously in, still weary of what happened earlier, and she dumps my bag of clothes on the floor next to my drawers for me to put away later.

Then she says, quite loudly as if she was announcing something of high importance, "there are your clothes, your friends said that it wasn't all of them yet but they will be coming soon."

I am not woken by this. Leah turns to me, noticing I haven't moved, and mutters under her breath "shit. I better not have woken her. I really do feel so bad for what I did earlier."

She tiptoes out of the room and silently closes the door before heading downstairs to help Beth with the cooking.

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A/N: resolved??? I hope so. I cant deal with this fight anymore. I just want them to be back together happy, not all angry like this
Who do you think is in the wrong in their fight?
Hope you're having a better day xx
Enjoy the part earlier than like a week before 😂 but I will still post next week don't you worry
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