It's us against the world

31 - "sorry Beth"

We walk back over to training and we are giggling together about how silly I am.

Katie notices and shouts "oh look who's happy again. Seems like Leah controls her mood."

I roll my eyes and shoot her the finger "oh shut it Katie, im only gonna be mean to you now."

Everyone laughs at Katie then I soon join in with the laughing.

Training soon finishes a couple hours later and lucky for me I found some time at lunch, to apologise to Beth for being a bitch.

She told me that it was fine but she wants me to express my feelings more rather than keep it all in, its not good for my mental health she says.

It's hard for me to express my feelings, I just feel so stupid, all the attention is on me and it feels too much, I would rather keep it bottled up.

Maybe I'll have to speak to my little teddy about it, then I'm getting rid of my anger but no one is listening to it.
I might have to speak to Leah about my emotions too, they get a bit much to express with words, my teddy cant even help with those ones.

She understands me, what I need what I feel.
I'm so glad I found her.
Even if she lets me shout it out at her, without her getting upset about it, at least that's somewhere.

I might ask her about it later.
That's a good way to get rid of my rage.

Training was quite enjoyable, apart from a few near slip ups from me, almost yelling at a couple people, 7 teammates to be exact (Katie of course was one) more than once, but who's counting?

Not me.

Beth tells us at the end of training that she needs to go to Viv's and get her stuff from there so she will be home as soon as shes got it.

Me and Leah get in the car together and she asks me "how you feeling now, my love? Any better than this morning?"

Her voice is gentle and soft which makes me smile and sink into a pool of calm.

I reply calmly "yeah a bit better, but my tummy is still a bit hurty though."

She rubs my thigh and we drive off.

"Le can I ask you something?"

She nods, keeping her attention, firmly on the road "yeah, what's up?"

I stare at her "well I apologised to Beth for being a bitch and she told me that I should find a way to express my feelings and emotions but I just feel a bit silly when I talk about them, that's why I didn't tell anyone why I was moody until I realised I made you upset and then that make me upset because I don't like to see you upset, and it made me feel awful when I saw I made you that way."

I was rambling, Leah could tell but she didn't say anything "well I was thinking, maybe if I could do something with you to get rid of my emotions but not in a sit down talky way in maybe a more powerful way."

She smiles "I don't see why not. What do you have in mind?"

"Well I was thinking maybe I could shout at you if you were happy I could do that to you? But I don't actually mean it if you were going to be upset I just need a way to get it out rage-fully and I thought that would be the best way?
If you don't want to you don't have to because I noticed how upset you were when I got angry at you and I don't want to see you like that I just need you to understand my emotions in a way I don't feel stupid when I do."

She laughs "of course you can do that but only if you tell me before and after that it doesn't mean anything towards my feelings and I need a kiss beforehand."

I laugh "god you do have your standards set high for me."

She pulls up at the shop "as long as you're happy, I'm happy too."

She gives me a quick kiss before popping into the shop to buy some dinner.

She tells me to wait for her for 5 minutes before she leaves me in the car and into the little Tesco, near our house.

Whilst waiting for Leah, i decide to message Beth, just to check everything is cleared up:

Me:  Hey Beth, just checking we are all okay? X

Beth: Hey Jess, yeah we are all okay. Did you talk to Leah about the rage thing??

Me: Yeah, i think she's all okay with it.
I don't know why it got so bad today though.
I'm never usually this moody.
This was the worst it's got before.
I just hope im not like today again.
I didn't like seeing Leah upset because of me.

Beth: oh thats good isnt it.
Im glad you got it sorted out.
If you ever want to talk to someone who isnt Leah, im always gonna be here.
See you at home.

Me: thanks Beth, you're awesome.
Im so glad I found someone like you to look up to.
See you at home, Leah's picking up dinner so we will see you in a bit. X

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A/N: awh Leah is actually in love with this girl x
Oh dear, what is Tesco's for?? Better not be what i think 💔
Hope you're having a good day... if not then im always here for a chat, over text, but i hope you are all okay
So excited for the England vs Australia match tonight 🥳🥳🥳
I've predicted 3-1 to England (seeing as Australia lost to Scotland the other day 😬)
Get in that Nobbsy last minute goal 🥹🥹🥹 and one by Leah...
Might get another one out this week...
Enjoy!!!
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