Denial of the Whisper

Chapter Seventeen.

Chapter Seventeen.

Caaln hadn't told me more about it, instead, he had said that I would have to wait until Nyshard was back. Because Nyshard was away, Dylana had to take his place in some meetings and hadn't had time to go with me to the study, but she had advised Nissy to bring me a new book to read. It was another novel, but now, Caaln's words in my head when he had said something about monsters, I took whatever I read about this sort more seriously.

I really didn't know how dangerous the world was, and... I wasn't sure what I should think about what Caaln had told me. All that stuff about my mother's shield, about how they had tried to protect me... I wondered, what for? All this effort. What for?

But I spend that evening with my book, slept better than I would have thought – probably from the exhaustion - and on the next day, I trained with Caaln again. Because my muscles were sore, he wanted to show me some small techniques how I could get myself free if someone grabbed me.

Thin-lipped, I looked at him.

"Okay, so, when someone would grab you around your waist, what would you do?", he asked, after he had shooed me around the small field, warming up my muscles.

"Run?", I murmured.

Tilting his head, he stepped closer and attempted to grab me, but I took a step back.

He took another step, and I stepped back, again.

"You know, that's not how it works.", he smirked and took another step.

Instantly, I mirrored his movements.

Too close.

Caaln halted, and looked down at me. "Okay, that is not how it works."

He hesitated for a moment, then he asked "You only ever had your mother, right? No friends, no one else?"

I shook my head and brought more distance between us. Caaln watched me move, lowering his hands. "You are not used to someone invading your personal space.", he observed and eyed me cautiously.

I nodded.

Caaln looked at me for a while, then he said. "I had that feeling, but I wasn't sure. Okay. Change of plans. We won't train like that today."
"Why?"
"Because you're not comfortable with anyone too close to you. I don't want you to fear me, I don't want you to panic. No, I want you to trust me –", he stopped, then added "-... at least during training."

"What do you mean?", I asked, and, made a step back, when he suddenly reached out for my arm.

"That is what I'm talking about."

I nibbled at my lower lip. "I'm... I not used to be touched. None other than my mother ever... hugged me, or held my hand. I don't....", I stopped and averted my eyes for a moment. "When she died... I... I knew that the only person who would ever... I knew, that... the only comfort I had, was gone. That no one... ever would touch me again. At least not, if it meant no harm."

I sounded stupid. Incredibly stupid, but Caaln didn't laugh, instead he nodded.

Understanding.

"At the beginning, when I found you, I thought it was because you feared me. But...I noticed it. Also yesterday, when I had to keep you from hitting Nyshard. After he was gone and you stopped fighting, you tensed.", Caaln said and then, he gestured towards the shadow under the tree "Come."

I followed him and eyed him cautiously, when he sat himself in front of me.

He opened his flat hand, palm up.