Denial of the Whisper

Chapter Nineteen.

Chapter Nineteen.

Nyshards words had kept me awake long that night, and when Nissy woke me the next morning, I felt as if I hadn't slept at all.

I don't want you here. I don't like what it means for you.

For the first time since I had arrived in Ilyria, I felt as if I could believe Nyshard. His words... he had seemed honest, and he had seemed truly torn. As if he doubted that what he did was right, but at the same time, he was bound to his promise. Just as Caaln was bound to him, and I, through Caaln, too.

I had wanted to think it through, I tried, but the next days went by in a blur.

Caaln was mainly sticking to hand-to hand combat with me again, but afterwards, when we were sitting under the big tree in the courtyard, he always took a few minutes of his time to talk with me, always holding my hand in between his big, calloused ones. He didn't comment on it, when I sometimes pulled my hand back, he just continued to tell me things about his duties. But lately, those talks got shorter and shorter, because he had to take care of the new recruits in the afternoon, together with Brayhd. I asked him twice, if he even had time for my training, if I wasn't taking too much of his time, and both times, he had said the same "Don't worry, Adri".

He, too, had started to use the shorter version of my name every now and then and after correcting him twice, I didn't have it in me anymore to do it.

Since that fateful morning where a bit of my powers slipped, Srandi was assigned to help me use them. I had been eager to learn at first, but things went rather slow. Apparently, only a bit of that seal had broken or loosened, and sometimes it seemed to obey me, but most of the times, not. It was unnerving and annoying, for both Srandi and me. But at days where my powers seemed almost non-existent again, she let me study all the herbs that were common in High Ilryn, that I had not known about until now. Surely, I had a decent knowledge of herbs that were common in Assdirn Flenn, and my mother had tried to teach me also about the herbs common in the rest of the world, but it was something different to actually use them for real. Sometimes, we spent hours in Srandi's little garden, sometimes, we spent hours inside, reading books.

It was tiring.

Because of my time-consuming studies with Srandi, my time with Dylana was pushed to a later hour, and we sat mostly in the study in the evenings after dinner. Partly, I was glad that I was that busy, it helped me not to think, but at the same time, I wanted nothing more than to think. I wanted to think about what all of that meant for me, what that seal, or, at my next birthday the lack of it, meant.

But when I got to my bedroom after a long day of training and studying, I fell into my bed instantly most of the times. Usually, I was so exhausted, that I woke up the next morning without remembering any dreams. That was actually the only good thing about it.

That went on for nearly one week, until one morning, Caaln didn't show up for training.

Normally, he picked me up, but when I was finished with a quick breakfast and waited for him in the inner courtyard, he didn't show up. The day before was my free day, and also his. But for today, training was scheduled again and I found myself fiddling with my fingers, nervously. Caaln and his wide smile in the early morning had become my constant. I would never go as far as to call him a friend. Never. And I would never call Dylana that. Or Srandi.

Not to mention Brayhd, whom I hadn't seen much since the dinner on the terrace.

And Nyshard?

I haven't seen him since. I knew he had visited Dylana one evening, when I had read a book about a special plant that was only found in Wyntern Falls and it's five different ways of use in the inner courtyard.