Denial of the Whisper

Chapter Forty-Three.

Chapter Forty-Three.

Half asleep, I tried to turn around, to turn to the warmth behind of me, but something held me in place, didn't want to let me move.

Blinking, I opened my eyes and stared at the remnants of our fire. It had died down some time ago, only a bit glinting left.

Carefully, I tried to move my head, but halted when I felt something at my neck. Nysh... he was kissing my neck. Or at least, it felt like that.
And I wasn't able to deny that it felt... pleasant.

'I'm am the darkness and I am not good for you'

Maybe, he was. Or he wanted others to believe so, because what I had seen of him, especially during the past days... he wasn't dark.

He was good.

But something he had done seemed to nag that much on him, that he didn't think of himself as a good person.

And maybe... we were a bit similar on that matter, because I, too, didn't believe of myself as a good person. I had never done anything good except maybe healing Caaln and Nyshard. But all the other times... I had failed.

I tried to move again, and finally, Nyshard seemed to wake up, too. I felt his broad hand at my stomach and he shifted a bit behind me, his chest still pressed against my back.

"Morning.", I whispered.

At first, he didn't reply, then, he murmured "For how long have you been awake?"

"Just a few minutes. The fire has died down and I got cold."

"Turn around.", he said, and his hand on my stomach left. I followed his words and turned around, but didn't look up, instead, I looked straight at his chest, too well aware of his proximity. Without saying another word, he pulled me closer and put his chin on top of my head, his arm around me again.

I leaned my forehead against his chest and said "This is..."

"Not appropriate. I know.", Nysh murmured and sighed "I had originally thought that we would be a bit faster and wouldn't have to spend the night here. I'm sorry to have put you into such a situation."

"You know I only have a vague idea of what's appropriate.", I grinned against his chest, and Nyshard began to chuckle. "Well, thank god I don't take old rules and etiquette too seriously in High Ilryn."

We were silent for a while, then he asked "Are you afraid? Of the Whisper?"

I thought about it for a moment, then I answered "I am generally afraid of the unknown. Until Caaln saved my life from the wolf, every day was predictable. I knew I would get up, take care of my vegetables and my herbs, try to sell as much as I could and hope to gain enough money to buy food to survive the next week. It's been like that since my mother died. It was predictable, the only unpredictable thing was, when I wouldn't have enough food anymore, or when the hut would finally collapse over my head. And I was okay with that. I was at peace with that. Not content, but at peace. I had never expected to be happy or to... well, find people... that don't look down on me."

Nyshard's hand lightly rubbed over my back and I continued, speaking against his chest "But ever since that day, everything changed, and I am not sure any more about everything I had ever believed. And that... makes me afraid. And I know I'm weak, and I know that whatever's in that Whisper, that I will be too weak to face it. I never had much in my life, and I never expected anything. But now... I believe I will have to face things which I am not ready to face."

"But you are not alone, Adriyele.", Nyshard assured me.

But I knew, that I was.

"You won't get rid of us. I will help you if you let me. And if I... can. And Caaln... he will always find you."