Denial of the Whisper

Chapter Forty-Six.

Chapter Forty-Six.

Another three days passed, and all of them were the same. Trying to learn more of the ancient tongue, studying with Srandi, training with Caaln and then Nyshard would appear to literally give me the rest.

My headache got worse each time, but I refused to say anything, instead, I pushed myself only harder.

But that also made my evenings incredibly short, because I was simply so exhausted, that I only wanted to sleep.

I only wanted to sleep, and not to think. Dylana... our conversation hadn't left me unbothered, no, and I thought more about it than I should.

That man would go into his sure death to defend you, like he already...-You are so incredibly blind.

Everything in me seemed to resist against it. I didn't want to think about what she could have possibly meant. About what else Nyshard could have done, to what length he could have gone to protect me.

And, what I didn't see.

For a short moment, after Dylana had left, I had thought back at the moment in the cave when I had woken up, in Nyshard's arms. About how I had thought I felt him press his lips against my neck in his sleep, about how... safe I felt with him.

And I thought back that he had asked me if I liked Caaln. And when I had asked if he wanted to suggest something, he had said, that whatever I would decide or feel one day, he would make sure that I would get what I want. And then, he had said that he liked me.

But the next moment, he had told me once again, that it's better to keep away from him.

And that... I wondered if it was that what Dylana had wanted to tell me.

Maybe, there was... - I barely dared to even think about it – maybe, he liked me... a bit more. And when that thought crossed my mind, I suddenly felt an unknown warmth spread inside of me. A pleasant, warm feeling. A feeling of... hope. Hope, that I wouldn't be all alone, that even I could have a bit more in life.

But the next moment, I shoved it away. Nyshard... I liked him, too. He made me feel safe and protected, and when he had one of those moments when he let his indifferent mask fall...and I couldn't deny that he was a handsome man. And sometimes, I was just a woman. A young woman with no experience. A young woman, who had never once before felt anything like this, a young woman, who didn't even know what she felt. But also, a young woman with a target on her back.

And that was why I pushed it away. I pushed the mere possibility away.

Why maybe, Nyshard was right with what he was doing right now. Protecting me without staying close.

There had never been anyone in my life - except my mother - that I had felt any kind of affection for. And now, maybe, there could be. And I was curious about it, just as curious as I was with many other things.

But I couldn't allow it. None of it.

I couldn't let myself allow any feeling that got over a form of friendship. Never.

But the thought didn't really leave me, and another evening, as I lay in my bed, staring out of the window into the darkness, another thought crossed my mind.

Unrequited feelings.

Who said, that I felt more? Who said, that he did?

But I knew... from books I had read, that something like unrequited feelings...- I rubbed my eyes and groaned. Maybe, he could be my downfall. Maybe, he also wanted to protect me from my feelings towards him - whatever they were - because he felt nothing like that for me.