Denial of the Whisper

Chapter Twenty-Six.

Chapter Twenty-Six.

Quite comfortably, my head leaned against Caaln's shoulder.

It was comfortable, it was cosy. Big cushions in my back, a blanket over my crossed legs, and one of those tubes in my hand. I took another inhale, and closed my eyes, letting it fill my lungs, then, my lips parted and the smoke escaped me in little clouds.

It truly was calming.

I knew that something had been bothering me, and it still was somehow clawing at me from the inside, a revelation, that had just been made, something about my mother, about her age...

But whatever. What was age? What was time?

Did I care?

No, not now.

For now, I was only comfortable, leaning against Caaln, who had at first seemed a bit surprised when I had leaned my head against his hard broad shoulder, but had then draped a blanket over me, giving me a soft smile.

I only halfway listened to the conversation, they were talking about some love affair between the servants which they had tried to kept hidden, but which Dylana had found out at the spot.

They were laughing.

And the sound of it made me smile.

Just for that moment.

I allowed myself that moment to simple not feel anything. At least, I tried.

Sighing, I took another inhale, then I gave the tube to Caaln, who took it from me after a moment.

"Caaln?", I asked, glancing up at him.

"Hm?", he inhaled some of the smoke.
"Yesterday, when I visited you, Nyshard called you 'Cay'"

"Hm."

I sat upright again and faced him "Why?"
"It's a nickname.", he shrugged his shoulders, but I frowned. "Is there a story behind it? I mean, you're not called by that name regularly."

Caaln took another inhale, then he glanced at me. "Nyshard began calling me that after the war. You know about how the Lyrarn of Hym Laarn are named?"

"Always with a double letter within.", I answered.

"Yes. I was born there, but when I got here, I detested where I came from. I hated it. So, Nyshard thought by using a nickname, it would make things easier for me."

"Did it help?"

"In the beginning, yes. But then... well, you can't really hide where you are from, you can't deny where your roots are. Our pasts often form our future, and so, I chose to use my given name again."
"But we still call you Cay. Sometimes.", Dylana, who had overheard us, grinned widely.
"Yes, you do", Caaln smiled back.

I was silent for a moment, then I asked. "Can I ask you something about your time in Hym Laarn?"

"Maybe, Adri.", he sighed and took a sip of his wine, handing the tube over to Nyshard, who was watching us, too.

"All of you call... the lord of Hym Laarn a bastard."

"That's no question, Adri.", Caaln huffed and nudged me in the side.

"My question is, why? What has he done to deserve that name?", I asked silently.
"If only Kisandi would have taught you the basics.", Caaln murmured and looked down at me, almost apologetically.

"Most Lyrarn born in Hym Laarn only have one purpose. To fight. And most of them – of us – are only born for that purpose. That doesn't necessarily mean that this is a bad thing, but in my case, it was."