Fanfic Short Stories

The Good Place: I Dream of Janet

Story description: Janet tries some new looks. Michael wants to play a human game.

Set in season 2 shortly after the "Team Cockroach" episode.

A/N: Inspired by a prompt from FaintlyMacabre on AO3 for Janet & Michael's "weird, sweet friendship."

I Dream of Janet

Simple would be best, Michael decided, and limited his plan for Team Cockroach to 170,542 bullet points. A second opinion would help, too. "Janet!"

* bing *

"Hello," Janet said cheerfully.

"Janet, would you..." Michael glanced up and paused. Instead of her usual dress, Janet wore what seemed to be a pink bikini top with a short red jacket, gauzy pants, and a little red hat and scarf. Her dark hair was pulled up in a ponytail. "That's a new look for you."

"The humans are still having difficulty understanding that I'm not a robot and not a girl. Eleanor and Jason have been discussing what else from their experience they can compare me to. They settled on a genie. I agreed to dress as the titular character from the I Dream of Jeannie television show for a day to see if that helps them."

"Was that Jason's idea?"

"Correct. But Eleanor said it was good to 'flaunt what you got' occasionally."

Michael shook his head. Humans were weird. "I wonder what kind of character they would compare me to."

"Actually, they had several ideas about that."

"What did they say?"

* bing *

A screen appeared in mid-air, showing a gray cartoon cat chasing a brown cartoon mouse. The mouse continually evaded and made a fool of the cat.

"This is called Tom and Jerry. Eleanor compared you to Tom, the cat."

"And the humans are the mouse?" Michael asked.

"Correct."

"It sounds like she's still miffed that I called them cockroaches. Did they have any other ideas?"

Janet nodded, her ponytail bobbing behind her. "Jason had two ideas. First he compared you to 'the guy with the bowtie who does magic tricks.' Eleanor realized that he meant Bill Nye the Science Guy." Bill Nye's image was projected on the screen.

Michael studied the image, not impressed. He glanced down at his own suit.

"He doesn't have your sense of style," Janet added.

That appeased him. "What was Jason's other idea?"

"He said that since you're in charge here and calling the plays, that makes you like —"

"No," Michael said. "Not Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Blake Bortles again."

Janet nodded. "I thought you'd be pleased. He's Jason's hero."

Michael didn't think being Jason's hero was worth aspiring to, but refrained from saying that, because Janet had been in love with Jason in one of the reboots. "Football is such a boringly simplistic game. You know, in the Bad Place, our games included thousands of players and millions of rules. The games themselves lasted days or even weeks. My team had a century-long winning streak."

"How do you win Bad Place games?"

"By breaking the most rules." Michael chuckled. "We were so egregious. Oh, those were the good old days."

"Interesting. Janets don't have our own games, because we don't spend much time together."

"Why don't you ask the humans to teach you one of their games?"

* bing *

Janet was now dressed in a football uniform.

The last thing Michael needed was for Jason to see her dressed like Blake Bortles. They had enough complications without Jason falling in love with Janet again. In fact, item number 69 on his plan was to make sure they avoided romantic complications. "I don't think a physical game would be fair."

"That is a good point. My reaction time is much faster than a human's."

* bing *

Janet wore her usual dress. "What game do you suggest, Michael?"

"You know, I've always wanted to play charades." Michael smiled. "It seems so human. So pointless. And yet they enjoy it so much."

"I'm sure Tahani would be willing to host a party for us to play charades with the humans."

"Yes. I could convince Vicky it's a form a torture. But..." He hesitated. "Do you think we could practice first, just you and I?"

"Of course." Janet sat down on one of the office chairs. "You go first. Pick a book title, movie title, or a common phrase, and I'll try to guess what it is."

Feeling elated, Michael stood up and walked to the front of his desk. "All right. Phrase. One-hundred-nineteen words." He laughed. "No. Wait. This one's even better. This one's perfect! One-hundred-sixty-seven words. First word."