Umfelokazi

Prologue

Umfelokazi:Nomvelo’s story.
Prologue
REALITY

“Ngasuke Khaya, ngithi ngizogana kanti ngizogana is’febe  sendoda...”
The taxi driver increases the volume of the Maskandi music that he is playing after dropping off a passenger of the taxi. I have my head rested on the seat as I am looking out of the window for a moment before I turned my head back to the taxi. The reality of things that I was trying to escape. He has a plastic pocket filled with green grapes that he is indulging in. I have a love/hate relationship with front seat of the taxi. The love part is the part where I don't have to count any money and have time to think and enjoy the ride without interruptions. The hate part is the part where I am either told to shift and sit on the engine so that someone can get in or when I have to count money or pass it. Sitting at the back has its obstacles too and for a slim woman like me I go through being squeezed between two well fed people just so that they can add the last passenger.
I am holding onto the plastic that I have on my lap just so that the cake doesn't get the chance to even fall.
“Do you want some?”,The driver offers some grapes but I decline.
It's my husband's birthday today and I am going to visit him at the hospital. He has been there for over a month now and I have been going there everyday to see him. He was shot at work during work hours as a Security man at the bank. A heist gone wrong I should say because that day the money was being placed in the vaults for the machines to keep on working and people can withdraw some money. He is getting better by day, I believe because he has been talking to me since he woke up from his coma. We have been married for 6 years, preferably I should say or roughly and haven't been blessed with  child yet. I don't work and have never worked a day in my life, well a proper job but I do wash people's laundry and blankets for money to put something on the table as well. The main reason why my husband and I have never had a child yet it is because I am not ready to bring one on this earth. A child is a blessing yes but I don't want my child growing up living the life I had lived. Struggling.
“Erobothini”,I say to the driver and he lowers the volume before he slows the taxi down and stops.
I thank him and get out of the taxi and before I knew it, it was gone. I made my way through to the hospital and signed in for visiting. The security lady has gotten used to me now that we talk from time to time. Just simple greetings here and there. I get to the ward that my husband is in and I see a nurse with him asking him a few questions. He smiles faintly when he sees me and my heart swells at that sight. I return the smile and place the cake onto his bedside and wait for the nurse to finish before she leaves.
I pull a chair and sit next to him before placing my hand on his.
“How are you?”,I ask with a bit of worry on my face.
“I am good, good”,he says.
“That's good, what did the doctor say?”
“They said I will see him next week, he will come and check if my vitals are okay but everything else is okay”
“There is a problem?”,I ask.
“Yes but they stabilized them”,I close my eyes.
“Sthandwa Sami ungakhathazeki(My love don't worry)”,he says.
How can I not? I want him back home and to see him in this space laying on this bed sharing  room with 6 more people is not what I want. I want him to come through that door in our rented backroom to find a warm cooked meal after a long day just to relax.
I open my eyes and look at him with a faint smile.
“I brought some cake for you”,I say.
He smiles and I feel happy again. To make him smile in this state makes me happy.
“Really?,Why. What is special today?”,He says in a mockery tone.
“Haibo it's your birthday”,He chuckled and winced a bit.
“It’s still sore?",he touched his bandage around his torso.
“A bit but it is not bad anymore”,I just nod while pressing my lips. 
“Let me see that cake”,he says and gives off a faint smile.
I stand up and get the plastic. I open it and show off the cake that I bought from shopright. It's black current and I know he will love it.
“Happy birthday Myeni wami”,I say.
“Please can you kiss me”,He says with his glossy eyes and I place the cake and kiss him.
A test drops from his eye and I capture it with my thumb.
“Don't cry”,I say softly.
”Ngiyabonga Mkami, lapho othatha khona kwande futhi ubusiseke kakhulu ukudlula ukuqonda kwakho(Thank you my wife,Wherever you are taking from may it multiply and be blessed beyond your measure)”,He says.
“I am already blessed with you”,I say and he chuckled lightly.
“I am truely blessed.”,he says.
I love my husband so much and I am happy with our life. We stay together and he promises to share his cake with the other patients as well, I am happy that I made his birthday feel special. Visiting hours came to an end and I gave him a kiss before I said my goodbyes and promised to see him tomorrow. I left the ward and made my way out of the hospital. Before I even walked out of the gates of the place I was shouted for by a male nurse running towards me.
I stopped by the security wondering if I may have forgotten something.
“Sorry Sisi You are being asked for inside”
“Did I forget something?”,I ask.
“They didn't mention”,he says.
I look at the security person before I followed the nurse back to the hospital.
Maybe they don't allow the cake because patients need healthy food as they are recovering. Yes that is why, I did bring some yoghurt for My husband to indulge in while he is here and have something nice to eat as well. We get inside and I am shown to stay on the waiting benches and I sit there waiting for whatever that I am being called for. My bag is on my lap with the straps tightly being held by my hand. I wait and a nurse walks up to me.
“Hello”
“Hi”,She smiles and sits next to me.
“I am glad to finally see you again. I always see you here everyday to check on your husband”,I nod my head.
”He has no one here besides me and so as I”,She nods.
“Where are your family members? His family members?”,She asks. 
“His family is back in KZN so as mine”,She nods.
“Mmmh”,She nods.
I keep quiet and watch her as she does the same for a moment.
“What is going on? Is there something wrong?”,I ask.
She looks at me with eyes filled with pity. Is that pity?
“I don't know how to tell you this”,She says.
“What?”,I ask.
“Just a few minutes after your left your husband shut down”,I keep quiet trying to understand what she means.
“Will he be okay?”,I ask looking at her with a bit of hope that he will be okay.
“I am sorry,his kidneys failed him. He didn't make it. There is nothing we can do”,She says and I feel my heart sinking. A sharp knife plunged through my heart.
I sit there for a few seconds and I look at her.
“Can I see him?”,She nods and stands up.
I do the same and follow after her, we get to the ward and I walk to my husband's bed. He is laid there and already covered as well. I place the bag on the bedside and she uncovers him and he looks peaceful. He was okay just a few minutes ago. Alive and I promised to see him tomorrow. I touched his hand and he is still warm. I hold his hand and look at him. 
“Thank you”,I let go of his hand and then I move taking my bag and thank the nurse before leaving the hospital.
_____
“Ausi Mvelo! How are you? How is Malome?”,It's Rethabile. The little one, one of the other tenants daughter.
She is 9 and very smart as well, she loves mixing English, Setswana and Isizulu when she is speaking of which to me is fascinating how a young child can be multi lingual really. I love her personality and she always the one greeting you when you come back from wherever you went only after 2pm when she is back from school.
“He is fine.”,I say with faint smile and she nods before rushing off to play with other kids.
I get to my room and I open my bag and rummage through it and I search for my keys before I find them and unlock the door. I get inside and I make my way to the wardrobe and I open it. I pull out the bag I will need and I start with packing my clothes inside. I keep on heaving a sigh here and there and I then go back to the wardrobe to look for my black doek and I hear a knock on the door.
“Makhi! O kae?(Where are you?)”,I lift my head up.
“I am this side”,I say and turn to the door.
“Hawu uyapakisha, where are you going?”,It's my neighbor by the room next door. She is Rethabile’s mother and she is also multi lingual. I have gotten to learn  few words here and there through them. They are Setswana by origin but staying in Johannesburg does garentee that you learn alot of languages.
“I am going home,KZN”,it is so sudden.
“Hawu why?”,she seems confused.
I never understood her at times. Especially the way she dresses and all but she has a very good heart despite that and I have grown to like her. My husband had a problem with her though and thought she will teach me how to change men and wear ungodly. He didn't like me being associated with her much but he would try to hide it at times.
“My husband passed away today”,I say and it sinks in.
I sit on the bed and she walks in side with her hands over her mouth in shock.
“Haibo ntate Gwala is no more? Byang, I thought gore o sharp and everything is getting better? ”,She asks in disbelief.
I nod my head and tears burn my eyes and they slowly make their way down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them with the back of my hands and stand up from the bed.
“It is his birthday today”,I say and carry on with what I was doing and get done.
She is silent for a long time before she comes and gives me a hug.
“Askies hle,I don't know how much pain you are feeling the moment.”,I just nod.
“Thank you Mimi, I will call you when I get home”,I say.
“And the funeral? His body?”She asks.
“I will see when I get home”,she nods.
She fiddles with her boobs and takes out a R200 and places it on my palm and folds my hand, hers being over mine.
“I will pray for you”,I just nod.
“Thank you sisi”
I don't even know if she can pray but hey! I can't judge a book by It's cover. She gives me a kiss on the forehead and tells me she will accompany me to get a taxi.
We walk out of the room when I am done and I lock the door. We make our way out of the gate.
“Thabile, I am coming back!”,Mimi says to her daughter who is playing and she nods.
My mind is all over but for now I don't know what to think. What's next?
____
It was already dark when I arrived home, it has been some time since I came back here to ceremonies or anything of that sort and now I am coming to report to my in laws that their son is gone. The last time we talked was last week when they asked about the recovery of my husband and now, now I have to tell them that it was false hope. He didn't recover instead he left this earth. I see a car that I am not familiar with as I make my way inside the yards. My shoes have collected the dust since I got off the taxi and I am sure my feet are dirty now but at the moment that is not what I really care about. I get to the door and I knock on it placing my bag on the floor.
“Nomvelo!”,My mother in law says looking at me in shock.
“Mah”,my throat is dry.
“What are doing here late?”,she asks.
I look at her. I feel a lump forming in my throat.
“I...I”,She looks at me. 
“MaThusi let the child in”,my father in law appears from behind her.
She moves out of the way and I grab my bag and walk inside.
My husband's younger brother is here. I thought he was in Capetown becoming something. The car must belong to him. There is his sister as well here.This is not easy at all.
“Why are you here at night?”,The mother in law asks.
“I...”,I still couldn't say it and tears formed in my eyes.
“How is Jabulani?”,they stream down my cheeks that moment.
“Usishiyile emhlabeni(He has passed on)”,I finally say it.
“Ujabulani? My child? No!”The mother says.
There is silence in the room as she is screaming her lungs out crying for her son.
I muffled my cries. I have to be strong and get through this, I cannot break down now I have to comfort her, them.
“I am sorry mah”
“Oh God! My child!”,She was rushed to the couch before she could faint any moment. I wish I can bring him back, I want him back.
.
It's the following day, My father in law and Jabulani’s brother were already on their way to Johannesburg to sort out the funeral arrangements and getting his body. I have been seated on this matress since morning and every family member who could make it here on time. Made it. I haven't had time to call my mother and inform her of the passing of Jabulani and quiet frankly I wasn't in the state of mind to do so. I know these few days that I am going to be here will be tough. As much as my husband loved me but his family was not too happy about our marriage. Apparently I am a Leach who was ready to Leach all his money off him. I never had much luck in life really but I always got through it  the best way I know how.
“You are just seated there when you know very well you sent thugs to kill Jabulani!”,It is my mother in law spitting venom as she walks out of the passage coming to the lounge with a family member by her side.
I swallowed.
“I would never”,I say.
“Shut up Mthakathi ndini! You killed my son!”,She screams even the people who are here to pass condolences hear it.
Tears stream down my cheeks and I cover my face muffling my cries. I am quickly roughly grabbed to remove my hands and a slap lands on my face before she tries to choke me.
“Haibo!”,People scream.
“I will kill you! You killed my son!”
They get her off me and my face is stained with tears.
“What is going on here? I could hear the screaming all the way from outside!”,I wipe my tears and I look to the door.
I have never felt so relieved to see a person in my life. It's my mother, she looks around and makes her way towards me and she comes and kneels beside me.
“Ngizokuqoba iminwe Wena sgogwana uthinte ingane Yami futhi.Angizalanga ingane zami ukuthi zizothintwa ibozi ezinjengawe uyangizwa?!(I will chop off your fingers you wrinkled granny if you touch my child again. I didnt birth my children for them to be hit by low life's like you do you hear me?)”,My mother says in rage.
“I don't want her or your family in my house!",the mother in law fights.
“Too bad we are staying and you keep yourself together if you want to live to see your son's send off”,They pull the mother in law away.
My mother hugs me and I feel safe for a moment.I love my mother and she is the fighter shame. She always fought my battles in everything. I was never one to be able to fight and my father too as well unlike my  sister Nomvula. She has the fighting spirit in her.
“Shh mom is here”,I nod my head. 
I wonder how she knew that I needed her but either way I am happy she is here.  She wipes my tears from my face.
“Nomvula go and make tea for us, I don't trust these people”,I look up to see my sister and she looks at me and nods before walking away.
I stay in my mother's arms until I am more calm.
“Where is baba?”,I ask.
“He is still in Mooi river but he will be here on the day of the funeral”,I nod my head.
“How are you feeling?”,She asks.
“Kubuhlungu(It's painful)”
“Its okay my baby, nothing doesn't pass. It is God's will”,well it hurts.
”Keep on praying. I hope you are still spirtual”
“I do attend church every Sunday ”,I say 
“Mmh Phela asazi ukuthi nenzani laphaya egoli(We don't know what you are doing there in the city)”,I keep quiet.
Nomvula comes back with the tea and my mom let's me go and takes it. 
“Hello sisi”,I say to her.
I haven't seen her in a long time and I am happy to see her. 
“Hi”,She places everything down and walks away.
I feel bad. I don't know what happened between us but we used to be close growing up. It was only us and we had each other. My mother was blessed with daughters at the same time and to her suprise on the delivery day. The day we were born was rainy and during spring and so my mother named us Nomvelo and Nomvula. Mother of nature and rain. Nomvula had always been the lucky one in life. She was smarter in school, went to university through bursary and has a proper job at the office. Has a car everything you can think off that I don't have. Ever since I got married our relationship has been rocky and I don't know why.
“Don’t mind her. Drink some tea to calm down”i just nod my head.
I take my tea and drink up.
I really wonder and want to know.
______
My mother in law has locked herself in one of the bedrooms and more of the Gwala family has arrived. A call was received from my father in law that they have arrived in Johannesburg and indeed Jabulani is no more. I don't know how to feel, my mother has been encouraging me to let my emotions out and actually cry but I have cried and got tired and cried and got tired once more so now I am good.My mother is here by my side while people are coming in and out to pass their condolences and then go to MaThusi’s bedroom to check up on her as well.
“Are you hungry?”,my mother asks.
“No”
“Mmh okay but you have to eat some time Nomvelo. You cannot starve yourself”,she mentions.
Nomvula walks inside the house and she comes towards us and she stands infront of us while holding her phone.
“I have to leave mah, I will see you on the day of the funeral”,she mentions.
“Okay, travel safely”,she nods.
She turns and walks off after that.
“Let me see her out, I am coming back”,my mother says and gets up going after Nomvula.
I stay there on the matress and soon my mother in law comes out of the bedroom with one of the aunts that has been cooped up with her in there since morning.
She looks at me and they pass going to the kitchen without saying anything and I sigh. My phone rings and I take it out of my bra and I look at it. I answer the call.
“Hello”
“Nomvelo how are you? Did you arrive safely? I forgot to call and ask yesterday”, she mentions.
“I am good Sisi. I am holding on”
“Shame, ke ya tlaolohana gore it's not easy mara re teng for wena and you don't have to carry the burden alone”,she mentions.
“Kuzolunga Sisi wami. Ngizofika lapho mangiceda Lana ngentozami(Everything will be okay my sister. I will come there when I am done here with my things)”,she continues.
“Thank you again Mimi”
“You don't have to. I have to go sokhuluma(we will talk)”,I nod.
“Okay bye”,I hang up after that.
I shove the phone back where it was.
“You are now calling your associates and informing them that my son has passed on”,it's my mother in law.
She is leaning by the door way.
“I love Jabulani, with my whole heart...”
“Uqamba manga sathane!(You are lying Sathane!)”,she says in much rage.
I keep quiet as my heart is beating off my chest.
My mother walks in and looks at my mother in law.
“Nomvelo get up come”,my mother says.
”Mah?”,I ask not sure. I am not supposed to move here. 
“We are leaving, I won't stand this woman insulting you after marrying her son never!”,she says.
“My son is what?”,My mother in law asks in rage.
“we all know that your son's biggest success was marrying my daughter.!”
“This barren thing!”
“You are calling my child barren?”,My mother seems angry.
“She didn't produce not even a single Gwala child and hasn't worked a day in her life! All she did was suck my son's money”
“What money? Your son didn't have a profe...”
“That's enough mah! I will not have you both insulting my sister's marriage like that. Nobabili nibadala for that and Wena to be bickering like this when you should be honouring your son's memory!”,it's my sister. I thought that she had already left.
There was silence in the room.
“MaThusi suck it up! We are all at a loss here not only you! Stop insulting my sister she is not your child to insult like that. My mother didn't birth her for you to do that and mah please that is someone son you shouldn't be insulting him. Uzibangela amabhadi ukhuluma Kabi ngomuntu odlulile(You are causing bad luck on yourself by saying bad things about a person who has passed on)”,she clicks her tongue and walks out after
My mother in law turns around and walks away to the kitchen. My mother follows after Nomvula.
______
The day of laying my husband came and everything was set properly. He had a funeral cover and so as his mother i guess. I am happy that he got to enjoy his last days on his earth with me and I am happy that I made him smile that day. It hurt but I can't do anything now. It is in God’s hands
The whole week of waiting for his body to arrive and while his father and his brother were getting things in order in Johannesburg it was tough. The family fighting. Some siding with my mother in law's statement of me killing thier son and some disagreeing. It was that fight
Things got better with my mother there with me and I am grateful to have had her by my side. Today I am going back to Johannesburg. I have to try and piece  my life together and also get my things from there and move back here. My mother offered for me to come back to Mooi river to live with them with my father since I have nothing left for me in Johannesburg and plus I will not be moving in with my in-laws, not under my mother's watch.
Mimi came to the funeral with a foreign man that I don't know and she stayed. Today I am leaving with her going back while getting a lift from them and the man she came with.
“Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?”,my mother asks with worry all over her face.
“i will be okay.”,I say.
“Don’t worry my wife.Nomvelo is old she will be okay”,my father says
“But she just lost her husband. She needs me”,She glances at me and I give her a hug
“I will call when I have arrived”,I say.
“Okay then”,she holds me back and we break the hug after some time.
I go to my father and he hugs me.
“Go well my child”,I nod and I walk away from them rushing to the car.
I get inside and close the door and I look out of the window for a moment before I greet the man.
“This is my friend Nomvelo,Mvelo this is Kabelo. A friend”,I nodded.
The drive started and away we leave this place I call home. Going to a city that I didn't know well when I came there 4 years ago. That I saw as foreign and is still foreign. After we have connected to the free way the guy takes out a cigarette and he starts smoking while rolling his window down. Mimi is in her phone doing whatever that she is doing with those smart phone.
“Mimi where is Rethabile?”,I ask after a long time of not asking about her.
“Oh she is at her friends house”,she mentions.
“Is it safe?”,I ask.
“Yes, I checked”,I just nodded. 
She smiles and looks at me.
“She made me buy a dress last week for her. She said it's for church.”,I smile.
“I am sure she will look beautiful”,she just nods. 
Mimi is not religious. In all the years I have known her she has never set her foot in church.
“So when you get home what are you going to do?”,Mimi asks before she discards her phone. The guy sis till smoking and keeps on wiping his sweat with his top off his forehead.
“I will pack my things and sell all the things I can't go back to KZN with”,she bawled her eyes when I mentioned KZN.
“You are coming back?",she asks.
“Yes, I can't stay in Johannesburg anymore. I only came because of my husband and I have nothing to do there since he is no more”,I say.
“Job?”
“I don't have one, I can't pay for the rent Mimi”,she keeps quiet for a moment.
“I will pay for your rent for some time. You can't leave yet,atleast find something there and if all fails then go home and be with your parents”,she mentions.
The guy shoots his eyes at her as she mentions this. I will think about it but I can't let her pay for my rent. It's too much for her self as well. Also groceries have to be bought. I don't know what I will do but I will have to figure things out.
“I will think about it”,I say and she smiles.
“Perfect!”,she turns to face the front now.
I look out of the window thinking about everything. I don't know how I will do everything but surely there has to be a way of doing things right. I look out of the window as the car proceeded on the high way.
I miss him, my husband. It still has not sunken in well that he is gone. A part of me feels like this is a dream a dream that I will wake up from and I will be okay but it is not. I am in touch with reality and reality at the moment is giving me a bitter pill to swallow at this instant. I sigh, how will life go one without him?