Umfelokazi

Chapter 9

Chapter 9
REALISATION

All I wanted to do was respect my husband's memory even if it went against the context of how I do things but it is all that I wish to do for Jabu as the last honour for him but more especially I am in a moment where I am hurt about something that does not concern him even for once.
It has been about a few weeks and now it has been 4 months since I lost my husband and each day I cry for different things. If it is not the fact that I get angry that Jabu is not here with me it is the fact that Thulani cut all ties that had to do anything with me all because of his brother that I do not even love. I have been avoiding and ignoring Qophelo as much as I can but today I am going to see him and tell him all that I want to say before anything else.
I look at myself through the bathroom mirror at work and I breathe in and out really well. I have taken off my head wrap and I went even to church yesterday and I felt a bit better. Going to church revived my heart.  I wash my hands and I move out of the rest rooms and I make my way to Qophelo's office. I know that he is in today as it is restocking day and he is here during those times the most. I get to his office and I knock on the door. I hear a come in and I open the door and he is in there with his fiancee. I swallow as they both stare at me. 
“Come in”,I make my way inside the room.
“Good morning”,I say. 
His wife looks at me. 
“You look like Nomvula”,She mentions.
“She is my twin sister”,I say and she nods. 
“Nomvelo?”,I nod my head and she looks at her fiancé.
“I will be at work”,She moves away from him and takes her bag.
She looks at me one more time before she walks out. I sigh as the door gets closed. 
“Are you okay?”,Qophelo asks.
“No, I do not want you bothering me. I do not like you as a person anymore as you are bombarding me into your life. You are married Qophelo and you are taking advantage of my vunerable time”,I say.
“No Nomvelo that is not my intention”,He mentions.
“Please just stay away from me. That is my only wish”
He keeps quiet and I do not wait for him before I walk out of the office and make my way going to the floor. His fiancee is still here. She sees me and she comes my way and I look at her as she stands infront of me.
“How much money do you want to stay away from him?”,She mentions.
“I do not want money”
“You should be ashamed of your self chasing a commited man when yours is rotting in the grave!”,She is not shouting but her tone is very firm.
“I am not after Qophelo. He is after me now excuse me and talk to him not me”,I try moving away from her and she holds my arm tightly.
“Do not talk to me like that. I will wipe the floor with your illiterate self,nx”,she lets me go and I walk away.
I feel tears nearing my eyes but I push them back.  I quickly go to the locker room and I get my bag and take out my phone and I call my mother. It rings a couple of times before it gets answered. 
“Nono”
“Mama, I want to come home.I-I cannot do this anymore. ”,I say sobbing.
“What is wrong talk to me?”,she asks concerned.
“Mama a married man said he loves me and now his wife is complicating my life and I...I lost a friend because of him”,I say.
“Come home sizokhipha lezimvatho ozifakile. Ngasho kubaba wakho ukuthi izokubangela amabhadi buka manje ushelwa ovoco abangakwazi ukufaka amasende abo ephentini(So we can take off those things you are wearing. I told your father that they will cause bad luck for you look now you are being asked out by Useless men who can't keep their balls in their panty)”,My mother says.
She hated the idea of me being under mourning for a year. She believed I do not need it and it will only bring bad spirits and bad luck for me but my father convinced her other wise and mentioned that I have to respect my In laws.
“Okay”
“ Get a taxi now. I want you here”
“Okay mama”
“Don't cry. I will sort it out”,I smile.
We end the call and I wipe my tears after that.  I guess I feel a bit better with talking to my mother.
My mother is very overprotective of me more than Nomvula because I am more fragile than her. Nomvula can stand up for herself while I cannot do so for myself. I fail to even if I try. 
I get back to work after that. I will get the earlier taxi going home tomorrow. 
.
I saw my mother in the yard sweeping her paved way and she has a sun hat on. I didn't realise how much I had missed being home and it has been a long time since I visited. She sees me as I enter the gate and she leaves the broom and rushes to me and pulls me into her arms.
“Thank you lord you are still in tact”,I sink into her arms.
“Hello mama”,She kisses my forehead.
“Come inside.”,She helps me inside and I go and sit down on the couch.
“It is so hot Nomvelo and you are wearing all these clothes. We need to burn them”
“Don’t I need to be cleansed before I can remove these clothes mama?”,I ask.
“You will be cleansed by the blood of Jesus Nomvelo. I hate that family for trying to lead you astray”,She mentions.
“I remained in God's presence mama”,She shakes her head.
She goes to the kitchen. This place has changed a lot, it must be Nomvula’s work.  She comes back with some juice and food.
“These are left overs from yesterday”,She mentions.
“Thank you”,I say and take the food and eat it. 
She looks at me with a smile. 
“I am happy you are home”,she says.
“Me too”
“Tell me about that man that has been bothering you”,She mentions.
“Mama he is a nice person but he is just pushy. He wanted me as his second wife”
“Not with my child!”,My mother dislikes polygamy.
“Mmmh”,I take a spoon of the food and fill up my mouth.
“After you are done we are going to put your things away and then we are going to pray and shave that hair away. That is the only thing we will honour in this thing. Jabu knows you loved him dearly and he died knowing you do not have to do this and I doubt your mother in law will agree with cleansing you.You shouldn't tie your life around that family now Nomvelo. You need to move on my child”,She mentions.
“Even if it means having a boyfriend?”
“Eh angazi but you know what I mean. Just do not have sex your body is off Christ”,She mentions and I nod. 
“Hawu mama”,I giggle. 
She smiles then sighs.
“Have you talked to your sister?”,She asks.
I just look down.
“Yes but she seems angry at me for something”
“You guys should talk it out.”,I nod my head.
My mother leaves me to eat while she goes and finishes up sweeping her yard.
After some time I get done and I go and wash my dishes before I go to my mother. She tells me to get her bible and her anointing oil and she tells me to go to the bathroom. She goes and takes all my black clothes and she brings it to the bathroom and she tells me to strip. She spills some drops of her anointing oil in the water and she removes my doek and my hair falls onto my shoulders. 
“Mmmh buka nje ubuhle lento ebufihlile. Angizalanga ingane ezingeke zivale lento Enhle kanje.(Mmh look at the beauty this thing is hiding. I didn't birth children that will hide all this beauty)”,I giggle. 
She tells me to get inside the water and I do get inside. 
My mother reads a scripture in the bible and she starts praying and she starts pouring the water over my body.
“Out satan. Out of my daughter's life and God be there for her and be her shield and bring healing into her life....!”,She continues and after a long time she stops with praying and she goes out of the bathroom leaving me in the water.
She comes back and tells me to get out of the water and I do. She hands a towel over to me and I wrap it around my body. She tells me to go and wear a dress that is on my bed. I go to the  my bedroom and I find an old dress I used to wear before I got married. It is still in good shape and I was the one who made it. My mother loves it so much for some reason and I think it is because it is flowery.  I finish getting dressed and I go to where my mother is and I find her outside and she has my black clothes on the floor. She takes them and throws them in a metal drum and starts to pour petrol on them before she sets them alight as I look there.
“Let go of him now and let him rest Nono. Start afresh now”,My mother mentions.
She tells me to get on my knees on the little mat infront of her feet and I do so. She starts with shaving my head. Tears stream down my cheeks.
I started breaking down as she did that.  Seeing my hair fall it was like I lost a part of my life and it was going to be gone forever. 
“It will be alright Nono”,My mother encourages.
“It hurts mama”
“I am sorry”she carries on and then when the hair is short she takes a battery powered hair cutter and she cuts my hair and it leaves me bald headed. 
After my mother was done with doing my head I was done with crying. She comforted me and then she told me that I should go and sleep and she will clean up. I took that opportunity and ai went to go and sleep in my room. 
My heart is aching but I also feel some relief.
____
I woke up later and it was already dark outside. I got off the bed and I went to lounge and I found my mother and father seated on a one seater couch sharing a plate of food. It has been like that for years. My father does not eat from any plate beside a plate that my mother is eating from. I had always found it weird and it got to a point where Nomvula and I would share a place too and sit on the same place together.
I admire their love, it has always been this way and I have never witnessed it any different and I am I had the pleasure to witness it. 
“Nkosanzana ka Baba(Daddy's princess)”,My father says as he disturbs me from my thoughts.
I make my way towards him and my mother gets off the couch.
“I am going to dish up for you”,She walks away.
I get to my father and he smiles.
“Your mother cut your hair?”,I nod my head. 
“Come here”,I fall into his arms like a child.
“Everything will be okay”,I breathe in and out.
“Do you want me to tell you a story?”,he asks.
“If it is a love story about you and mom no thanks”,I mention.
“No, it is about you”,I look at him.
“When you were getting married I was scared much more scared than your sister going to university in another province.”
“Why?”
“You were 21 and I was scared that you wouldn't be able to handle it. I felt like you were too young but I had to trust you and let you go”,He mentions.
“But now I am more scared now that you have lost your husband. I am scared that you will put your life on a stand still. I want you to explore too Nomvelo. All your life you centered around other people and pleasing them just do yourself now even if you go against your mother”,He whispers the last part and I giggle. 
“Will she not kill me?”
“I think she has done enough with cutting your hair”,He mentions.
“I like it”,I say.
He smiles.
“You are my last born”He smiles.
I giggle.
“Nomvula and I are born on the same day”
“But you came out last”,He mentions. 
My mother comes back with my food.
“Now get off my husband and get a boyfriend of your own”,I gasp.
I get off my father and then thank her.  I eat the food and she sits with my father. I look at them watching the TV together and it gets me thinking. 
“I am leaving tomorrow”,I say and my mother shoots a look at me.
“Why?”
“I have to go back to work”
“Can’t you tell your boss and call in sick?”,I shake my head.
She is sad.
“I will visit I promise”
She sighs.
“It is fine Nomvelo”,I nod my head.
We sit together and I finish my food. I go and wash the dishes and then I come back and watch some TV with them up until they were tired and they went to sleep while I stayed and watched some TV. My phone rang and I look at it. It is Qophelo. He has been calling me since I left him yesterday in his office. He should leave me alone. I should ask Mimi to take me and get a new phone. The ones that have a touch on them and not buttons like mine. 
.
It is the next day and I woke up early to catch a taxi that will take Me to Durban and soon I got it and then It drove off to Durban. I do not know what I will be doing there but I felt an urge to just go there as well before I go back to Johannesburg overrall I need to start new beginnings. I look different with my head bald and also with my shoulders not covered. My mother told me that I am young and shouldn't cover them and certainly I will not.  She told me I should pray more too and I will do so.
It drove for some hours before I reached Durban and I took out my phone once I got there and found the nearest place I can sit in and I found Kfc.  I go and order something to eat and then take a seat at the corner of the  franchise while waiting for my food. I go to my call log and I get to the number I want to dial and I dial it. 
It rings for a couple of time and it gets answered.
I didn't think it would happen and that maybe he blocked me.
“Mvelo”,His voice comes through the end of the speaker.
“Thulani, how are you?”,I ask.
“I am...okay”,He mentions.
There is some silence between us for a while.
“I am in Durban and I don't know if you would like to talk to me. I will not bother you after”,I mention.
“When did you arrive?”,he asks.
“Just a few minutes ago”,I say.
“Where are you?”
“Kfc in town. I do not know the road”
“Okay, I will be there”,I nod my head. 
The call gets cut and my order gets called out.
I quickly go and get it and I thank the lady. I go and sit down and I open my burger and I take a bite off it and start eating. I am hungry. I will call my mother later once I am okay just to get her off. I look around and see people walking in and out as I am eating. After 30 minutes I was done with eating and I cleaned up my space and went to throw away the things  I was using and I went to sit down again.
I wait a bit before I see him enter the place. He looks around and it seems like he cannot spot me. I stand up and grab my bag and I go towards him and his eyes land on me. He does not move them away from me and I am feeling...nervous at the moment. I stand infront of him and he looks down on me.
“Mvelo”
“Hi”,He brings his hand forth to my head and touches it.
“I am sorry”,He says quickly retrenching his hand.
“It is okay”
“You cut your hair”
“Yes”,I say.
“You are wearing a blue dress”,I giggle.
“Yes”
“Lets go”,He mentions and I follow after him.
We get to the car and he helps me inside and buckles me up before he drives off. He keeps on stealing glances at me.
“I thought you were mourning for a year”,He mentions.
“My mother ended it”,He asks no further questions but he nods. 
We get to a great neighbourhood and he gets to a gate and it opens automatically. He drives in and stops infront of a two door garage. The house is a single story.
We hop out and I admire his neat and clean yard. The grass is nicely cut.  We get inside the house and it is nice as well. There is a kitchen that is an open plan area connected to the living room.  I look around admiring his house.
“Your house is nice”,I mention. Thank you, my sisters decorated it.
It shows there is a work of a woman. He says he is going to get me something to drink but I decline. 
“Can we talk?”,He nods and we sit down on the couch. I move a bit closer to him to close the gap between us.
“I do not like the way things ended between us but I understand where you are coming from. You did not hear my side of the story concerning your rbother and I understand you stand for family over anything else. I do not love your brother. He is married even so he wasn't I do not love him. He has a likable character that any human would interact with but that does not mean I like him.Yes I got along with your brother but getting along with you was different from him mainly because we understood what we both were going through making it easier to be in each other's presence. I do not want us hating each other in future I just want to clear that out”,I mention and he sighs.
“I could never hate you Nomvelo. I also didn't want you to think that I had an agenda in getting along with you that is why I stepped back.I do not want you to feel a certain way towards me and my family and have the wrong idea because you were getting along with myself and my brother”,he mentions.
I just look at him before I lean in and capture his lips.My heart beating against the chest and I kiss him, he doesn't leave me hanging but kisses me back too. Placing his warm hand on my exposed knee and I feel flutters in my stomach.His perfume rests well in my nose as I smell it on him. It is a moment that lasts for a short while but leaves me with feelings that are mixed in me.  I pull away and I stand up.
“I am sorry, I should get going”,I mention and he stands up and I walk away.
“Nomvelo”,I turn around and I look at him. 
“Ntaka, I am sorry for what I just did and it won't happen again but for being honest before I leave, I developed feeling for you. They may seem off to you as something else and I do apologize. Bye”,I say and I walk out of the house.  I breathe in and out.
I cannot believe I did that! I...I like Thulani!